Question about college recommendation letters...

[gatorsmom]

Well, the process seems to be finished for DS1 (only 3 more kids to go...). As I have mentioned here before, our high school is small, private and independent. There is no school nurse. There is no guidance or career counselor. That falls to the parents. It's a pain but there are other more important reasons why we love this school. To get through the college application process, we had the help of friends who are professors at a different high school 3 hours away. They have been working with high school seniors for 25 years. They were wonderfully helpful for DS1.

It was their suggestion that when DS1 asked for letters of recommendation that we ask for a copy. Actually, 2 of the people who wrote the letters automatically sent us a letter in advance. When it was time to ask DS's teachers at his current school they told us they do NOT send advance copies of their letters of recommendation. They said they will send a courtesy copy AFTER they send their letter to the college, but never before. I asked our professor friends if this was common and they said that a copy is generally sent as a courtesy and not a given. They can choose not to send us a copy, but it's a bit of a red flag if they don't. What don't they want us to see? What are they hiding?

My gripe is that when someone agrees to write a letter of recommendation but doesn't give us a copy of their letter in advance, any errors go into the application uncorrected. Also, I think the family and student should be the ones to decide which letters of recommendation get submitted. If we don't like one or think it doesn't paint our kid in the best light, we won't invite that teacher to submit it. But I'm a control freak about my kids, so there you go.

What was your experience with this?

[o_mom]

My understanding is that if you use the common app, you have two options. One is to waive your FERPA rights, in which case you cannot see the letters. The other is to NOT waive your rights, and then you can see them.

We were told that schools can see if you have or have not waived, and not waiving your rights is kind of a red-flag. They want recommendations to be honest and not swayed by the fact that parents/kids can see them. ETA - our school also has a process for asking for letters where students provide a "resume" along with information about your career goals, etc., so that teachers have accurate information when they are writing the letters.

[Globetrotter]

As o_mom said they normally waive their rights to see it, to ensure the recs are honest. One of their teachers gave a copy, but they didn’t ask for it.
we have a similar process - they submit a resume/other information but really the recommenders need to add their own interactions and observations.

[sariana]

I am a teacher and I taught juniors last year, so I’m in the process of writing these letters. I prefer not to share a copy, but I would do so if someone really wanted it. If I could not write a good letter for a student. I would decline to write one at all. I’m not going to torpedo someone.

I understand your point about choosing the best among many good letters. But you probably could get most of the information you need by talking with the letter writers to get a sense of what they might have written.

Many teachers would not participate in this process if their letters were to be publicly available (which they would be once a student had a copy).

[chlobo]

In our experience, it is completely up to the writer whether or not they show us the recommendation and my daughter has not given any inclination that we should press the issue. She did see one of the recommendations from the person who knows her best but that was the writer's choice. My daughter did not ask.

[ett]

My understanding is that if you use the common app, you have two options. One is to waive your FERPA rights, in which case you cannot see the letters. The other is to NOT waive your rights, and then you can see them.

We were told that schools can see if you have or have not waived, and not waiving your rights is kind of a red-flag. They want recommendations to be honest and not swayed by the fact that parents/kids can see them. ETA - our school also has a process for asking for letters where students provide a "resume" along with information about your career goals, etc., so that teachers have accurate information when they are writing the letters.

Yes, we were told by our HS counselor that we must waive the FERPA rights.

I have never heard of a copy of the letter of recommendation going to the parent or the student. They have always been sent directly to the school, scholarship committee, etc. It's not a choose your best letters to submit type of thing. If you don't think someone can write a positive letter for you, then you shouldn't ask them to write one.

[SnuggleBuggles]

We never saw the letters.


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[Green_Tea]

My daughter is a freshman in college this year and none of her recommendations were ever shared with her. It’s not a red flag, it’s common practice. If a teacher doesn’t feel that they can write a great recommendation, they’ll usually decline the request. I would shelve this worry.

[ezcc]

I have never heard of anyone seeing their recommendation letters- either before or after. It's definitely not done here.

[essnce629]

Yes, we were told by our HS counselor that we must waive the FERPA rights.

I have never heard of a copy of the letter of recommendation going to the parent or the student. They have always been sent directly to the school, scholarship committee, etc. It's not a choose your best letters to submit type of thing. If you don't think someone can write a positive letter for you, then you shouldn't ask them to write one.
We never saw the letters.


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I have never heard of anyone seeing their recommendation letters- either before or after. It's definitely not done here.Same. You have to waive your FERPA rights.

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[cvanbrunt]

In my college professor days I would not write a letter if FERPA rights weren't waived. There's no way I would give a copy to a student because people are so flipping litigious and plenty of parents would be eager to sue if they don't agree with your assessment of their children. Your son should ask if the person can write a good recommendation because if I couldn't write a good recommendation I declined the request. Also, not waiving FERPA is a red flag for the institution.

[MSWR0319]

My kids are only in MS, but it would never cross my mind to ask for a copy of a recommendation letter. I wouldn't ask anyone that I didn't think would write a good letter. I have plenty of friends with kids who have gone off to college, and I don't think it's common practice around here.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't know why most college professors would be good sources of info on the admission process. Most of them are removed from the admissions department, at least as far the nuts and bolts logistics. They might get to weigh in on the incoming class candidates but I think that is probably uncommon too.
eta- just re-read. I have never had a high school professor so that wasn't a term I was expecting. I see professor and I think college.

[3isEnough]

I’m another with a college freshman and 1) he had to waive FERPA, and 2) he never saw the LORs submitted on his behalf (nor was there any discussion about whether he could or would - it was a given that he wouldn’t). I think any experienced teacher would know to decline the request if they couldn’t give a favorable recommendation.

[pinkmomagain]

We never saw our kids' recommendation letters from teachers. I believe the policy at our school was that they aren't shared. It was fine by me.

[lizzywednesday]

... If you don't think someone can write a positive letter for you, then you shouldn't ask them to write one.

:yeahthat:

This made asking for letters of recommendation excruciating for me in high school - when I needed them, I only asked the arts teachers (drama club advisor & choral arts teacher/director) and a couple of treasured English department teachers because I didn't really know my other teachers.

[smilequeen]

I do not think it’s typical to see letters. I definitely wouldn’t expect to.

[hbridge]

DC is in the process of applying to colleges, I never even considered that we would see the letters. The school is so small and everyone knows the kids so well, I am just letting her and the school deal with the letters unless they need something from me. HOWEVER, the school has an amazing transition program and the Common App is actually part of a class Senior year...

[pinay]

As a high school teacher, I don't give copies of my letters of rec to students/families. A fellow coworker will craft letters with the students present so they know exactly what it says before it's uploaded to the schools, but it's incredibly time consuming for her and I think she is in a very small minority.

If a student asked me to see the letter prior to submission, I would decline to write the letter. If you trust me enough to write a letter of rec for you, then you should trust that I would provide a good recommendation. I have told students that I don't think I'm the right person to recommend them to a school, but thankfully those conversations are few and far between.

[Jeanne]

Didn't see these letters for either of my girls. They only asked for letters from teachers they liked and had a good history with. They wouldn't ask for letters from those they didn't respect or trust. I never expected to see those letters either. Definitely a red flag when letters are demanded to be seen by parents.