Help me dress and prep DS for a friend's Bar Mitzvah

[truly scrumptious]

DS just turned 13, which means all his friends are too - he has been invited to a Bar Mitzvah next month. Please help me dress him - I know the child being Bar Mitzvahed (is that how you refer to it?) dresses formally. What about guests? Does he wear a suit? Just a button down shirt?

Also, what is an appropriate Bar Mitzvah gift?

TIA

[SnuggleBuggles]

Might depend on venue. I think a button down with or without tie would be perfectly fine in most situations. Adding a jacket would only be something I would do if it was somewhere super duper fancy. Even then, I think people cut 13yo boys some slack and no jacket works fine. FYI- I got ds2 some great button downs at H&M in the kids section recently (I bought the size 14). It was less than $15 and really nice.

Gift- Money in multiples of $18 (18 for good luck).

[essnce629]

DS1 wore a suit to all his friends' Bar Mitzvahs and we gave them each $54.

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[lizzywednesday]

A button-down shirt with dress pants & good shoes (not sneakers, or, rather, not something that's obviously a sneaker) and a tie would probably be good.

Definitely a monetary gift in a multiple of $18 (which basically adds up the numerical value of the letters in the Hebrew word for "life." (https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/484894/jewish/What-is-the-reason-giving-money-in-multiples-of-18.htm))

[candaceb]

It is really going to vary depending on the congregation and the region. I'd check with friends who have older kids. In my college-town reform congregation, dress is much less formal than when I went to a friend's daughter's bat mitzvah in the Boston suburbs a couple of years ago. At our congregation, boys wear khakis and a button down shirt. Occasionally a tie or navy blazer. Girls wear short dresses. That is for the service. For the party, it all depends on venue.
The child being "bar mitzvahed" is referred to as a Bar Mitzvah.
Gift amount is also going to vary regionally but I would say the most common friend gift is $36.

[sariana]

I think it’s also referred to as being “called to Mitzvah” or something like that.

Gifts often are cash in multiples of $18 because that is a lucky number.

I agree with PP that dress will vary by region.

[Mommy_Mea]

DS1 just went to his friend's bar mitzvah. Dress for the boys was collared shirt (polo was fine), slacks and non-sneaker shoes, but I would check with the family as dress may vary. We gave $54. He had a great time!

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[erosenst]

Both dress and gift amount are HIGHLY regional. In most places however I would agree with collared shirts, khakis and “not sneakers” for the service. Party, if there is one, depends on venue.

Gifts vary a lot too. In major metros it may be significantly more, but in much of the country $36 is a “nicely generous” friend gift. If that is a stretch for you, $18 is thoughtful and $25 marks it as “more than a normal bday gift.” Put cash or check in a card and take it to the party - there will be a place to put it.

If possible ask someone with kids 1-5 years ahead of yours, in your school/area. They will likely have the best advice. We are Jewish and I was very surprised at the gift amount where we live - I expected it to be higher but Jewish friends from different social circles told me the same amounts. Sport coats and ties were the exception for boys as well but in some places everyone has a sport coat and wears it.

And the invitation will often refer to being “called to the Torah”. While “being Bar Mitzvahed” isn’t wrong, the more common is “the boy celebrating his Bar Mitzvah”. For girls it’s Bat instead of Bar, and some more progressive (?) congregations have started referring to “B Mitzvahs”.


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[truly scrumptious]

Thank you for the thoughtful responses. I will ask around locally about the ideal range for the gift, and ask the family directly about dress code.
I appreciate the advice on terminology and also multiples of 18!
Thank you!