Have you talked to your kids about school shootings?

[MSWR0319]

I was just wondering if you had talked to your kids about school shootings since last week. I was meaning to talk to DS this weekend and didn't. I'm honestly not sure if I should or what I would say. I know they have drills at school to walk through scenarios, but should I say anything else? I can see DS's school from our back windows. Today I heard sirens and looked out to see the kids evacuating. I immediately went into panic mode thinking the worst. I sent DS a text and he said the alarms had gone off and the firefighters were inside. Must have been fine as they all went back in, but man it scared me and made me wonder what I should be talking to him about.

[twowhat?]

We talked about it a little bit this weekend. Our kids were unaware about the Oxford hs school shooting, which surprised me a little that no one was talking about it at school. We talked about lockdown drills and what they were like. Our kids said that the messaging around the drills has changed over the years - in early elementary it was described to the littles as something to be prepared for "in case something dangerous gets into the school, like a poisonous snake", and then progressed to "a bad person" and then finally in late elementary/middle school as "a bad person with a gun". We asked if it scared them to think about why they were doing lockdown drills and the answer was "no" which in and of itself is sad...these are a given to our kids, they've been practicing them along with fire and tornado drills every since they started school so it is nothing new or scary to them.

The one thing I wish I had brought up is "see something, say something". We didn't talk about the specifics of Oxford, but the fact that there were many people who "saw something" and "said something" that could have prevented the tragedy is a pill that's hard to swallow. I will have to bring that up to them at some point...that if they see something at school or on social media or whatever that is disturbing, that they need to say something to a trusted adult.

[carolinacool]

DS is in sixth grade. I think we talked about the most recent shooting in passing. However, right after the school year started, we had a shooting in the city about 20 minutes away from us. One student was killed. We talked about that one a bit. Like you mentioned, he's been doing lockdown drills since kindergarten. His elementary school shares land with his future high school, so any time the high school goes into lockdown, the elementary school does, too. Once, an actual gun was found but the student had brought it in to show his friends and not actually use.

A few weeks after the nearby shooting this year, his middle school had a drill (parents got an email about it beforehand), but it turned into an actual lockdown when some students reported that an eighth-grader had brought in a bb gun.

We've told him that if he hears anything concerning or if he ever knows someone has a weapon, he should tell a teacher. We try to keep it simple because he has some anxiety. I don't really know else we should be saying.

[PZMommy]

Both DH and I are teachers and we’ve talked about school shootings with our kids. After Sandy Hook, I realized we needed to discuss it even at the elem level with my own kids (I do not discuss with my students aside from our script for the drills). I want my kids to be prepared should anything happen at their school. I’ve also made it very clear if they hear anything suspicious to report it to a teacher. Better to be safe than sorry.

[carolinamama]

Yes, I have discussed school shootings with my kids over the years. The conversations have evolved over the years as they age. Their schools have always done lockdown drills.

The day after the Oxford shooting, I came upon a conversation between DS1(16) and DS2(13). DS1 was very matter-of-factly describing his plans for an active shooter on campus depending on which class he was in. They went on to talk about being aware of which kids seem likely to be a shooter. At this point, I jumped in to add the importance of reporting a threat physically or online to a teacher, administrator or parent immediately. What was most disconcerting to me was their nonchalance about the topic. They have obviously heard about and practiced enough for these situations that it's just part of their life but I don't think I will ever reach that acceptance. I'm still slightly shaken about hearing it.

[georgiegirl]

I have with my older two (10th and 7th grades). I asked them if they have practiced what to do. They said they’ve only seen videos, but they know they are supposed to barricade the door, turn off the lights, and grab things to throw at the shooter if they need to defend themselves. [emoji51] of course, like someone else said, the conversation devolved into making guesses about which students would be most likely to be shooters.

DS2 is in second grade, and I’m not talking to him about it.


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[bisous]

A little bit but only with the older ones. I was really surprised to learn that DS1 was terrified of shootings. It actually led me to do some discovery and realize that he had suffered (silently) for many, many years with all kinds of anxieties and I had no idea. He just doesn't share them. DS2 is also aware of the issues. I haven't talked to them about reporting anything. It honestly didn't occur to me. I think part of this is that I feel like they are not very observant and are unlikely to be the ones to spot something amiss before it happens. Maybe it is worth discussing. I'd love to have some kind of guidance on how to talk to kids about this and would welcome any resources.

My youngers are in 2nd and 4th and I haven't talked to them about it. In part because I don't think (honestly) that there is anything they can do in a situation with a shooter that will appreciably allow them to fare better than if I didn't talk to them. I feel like it is more likely to do more harm than good. But I have to say this is my gut feeling, not an informed opinion.

It certain hits close to home. I now have friends (a cousin and a friend through the type 1 diabetes community) that have kids that have been present (thankfully unharmed) at two very prominent school shootings. (This most recent one and also Parkland.)

[ncat]

Our high school had a lock down and evacuation this year due to some concerning social media posts. We were told that no credible threat was found. This seems like a good time to talk to my kids about that incident and remind them that the school is doing all the right things to keep everyone safe and if they see something it is important to say something.

[jerseygirl07067]

l was literally talking to my 3 kids last night. Two are in HS. They are very aware of the shooting and the details. They follow news and current events in general so knew pretty much all that we know. They said they felt the school should have searched the kid, and they said at their school is a kid says anything even remotely close or even related to a school shooting, they get sent to the office and get searched. We talked a lot about if you see something, you should say something and if something looks or seems off, trust your instinct and report it. They both agreed. I asked if they are worried about this kind of situation happening at their school and they said they really don't think about it much. I guess that's one benefit to being a teen, you hear all of these horrible things, and you never think any of it will happen to you, so I guess that part of development may be working in their favor. I imagine there are kids who are anxious about something like this happening,which is totally understandable. I can't believe this is an issue our kids are now dealing with.

My mom used to tell us about "duck and cover" drills when she was in school in the 40s and 50s. And now our kids are undergoing safety drills of a similar nature, but for a very different reason.

[marinkitty]

We talked about what happened in Oxford and the particularly shocking facts of how badly mishandled the whole situation seemed to be, but sadly it isn't the first, second or third time we've had to talk about school shootings, so I didn't feel the need to have a full blown discussion. My kids have been through lock down drills and DD (now at college) actually had a real lockdown when she was a junior in high school (accidentally triggered by a staff member but the kids didn't know it was a mistake until after the police had fully cleared the school - she was in theater class and they were up in the cat walk of the school's black box theater, kids crying and freaking out - it was super traumatic and the school had to bring counselors in and totally revamp their lockdown protocols to try to avoid any repeat mistakes.)

My kids worry about it a little, but their schools do seem to have reasonably good precautions and I think they classify it as don't worry too much about what you cannot prevent. They also feel like nothing is every going to change with our gun obsessed culture and so I think they honestly just try to put it out of their minds and go about their lives and hope it never hits close to home.

[Globetrotter]

DD has been through two lockdowns. The first was due to a robbery suspect that was fleeing from the scene and had run by the campus. The second later turned out to be a hoax… They had a plan in place and were all together in the gym and then I had to go pick her and her friends up from the district office.

I remember getting the message when I was in the middle of a hair appointment. I just ran out of there, all sorts of thoughts racing through my head.
I feel sick that our kids have gotten accustomed to this and, for them, it’s just a way of life.
We have also had several hoaxes but they usually get sorted out.

ETA: I suppose it’s good to reiterate the importance of saying something if they see unusual behavior. I was going to say we should reassure them that it’s just so unlikely to happen to them, but I’m not sure I can say that :( Rather, I would focus on the fact that they have a solid plan and people who care.
that’s what made me all the more disgusted about the school admin. At Oxford.

[jent]

I think DD had at least one lockdown drill in elementary. She had one "real" lockdown earlier this fall. It was for a potential threat-- if I understand correctly, something said by one student to another that was taken seriously, until police assessed the situation and decided there was no true danger. We talked about it afterwards-- there was a mix of being anxious when it happened, but also feeling that it is just another thing that they prepare for, like a fire drill.

[ezcc]

My ds in 4th grade had a lockdown today. Apparently there was an irate parent in the building and the staff dealing with him felt he was a threat. Not sure if there was suspicion that a weapon was involved or not. He was pretty scared, but it was not the first thing he told me about after school so I don't think it was that traumatizing. His teacher just had them working quietly at their desks with doors and windows locked- some of the other teachers had kids under desks or hiding, I am not sure why the difference- maybe there are different levels of lockdown. One thing that freaked me out a little was when he mentioned that his teacher didn't have to take attendance because she knew nobody was in the bathroom- just thinking that through- what should he do if he is in a bathroom and a lockdown is announced? I guess hide in a stall? Yikes, I hate thinking about that.

[PZMommy]

My ds in 4th grade had a lockdown today. Apparently there was an irate parent in the building and the staff dealing with him felt he was a threat. Not sure if there was suspicion that a weapon was involved or not. He was pretty scared, but it was not the first thing he told me about after school so I don't think it was that traumatizing. His teacher just had them working quietly at their desks with doors and windows locked- some of the other teachers had kids under desks or hiding, I am not sure why the difference- maybe there are different levels of lockdown. One thing that freaked me out a little was when he mentioned that his teacher didn't have to take attendance because she knew nobody was in the bathroom- just thinking that through- what should he do if he is in a bathroom and a lockdown is announced? I guess hide in a stall? Yikes, I hate thinking about that.

It might vary by school, but if we have a lockdown, kids are instructed to go into the nearest classroom.

We have 2 types of lockdowns. One is just got a general threat, like bad air, loose animal, etc. The other is a threatening person on campus. One just requires us to lock and close doors, the other requires us to hide and take cover.

[niccig]

It might vary by school, but if we have a lockdown, kids are instructed to go into the nearest classroom.

We have 2 types of lockdowns. One is just got a general threat, like bad air, loose animal, etc. The other is a threatening person on campus. One just requires us to lock and close doors, the other requires us to hide and take cover.

At my school we have several lock downs a year due to police activity in the area. Sad to say that if a helicopter is hovering overhead, my students will ask “are we on lockdown?”The office actually calls the sheriff’s department to check if the school hasn’t been called to go on lockdown. We continue to do work and I lock the door and pull the blinds. We’re very used to lockdowns


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