book club...

[ezcc]

Around 20 years ago I was in a book club- I may have even started this club, it was the usual- met, socialized, talked about the book- drank wine. It was fun, but this one friend irritated me because she NEVER, not once read the book. Sometimes she would read a chapter or two. Still, she managed to dominate the conversation and made it difficult to get any book talk in- she was constantly changing the subject to other things. That club fizzled and I have purposely avoided joining another- I just decided book clubs are not for me. Well, recently a different friend decided to start one up. Most of the women I do not know. But, you guessed it- same old friend was there- and once again- didn't read the book, still wanted to do all the talking. I love this friend, and am trying to be more accepting in my old age but still...GRRR.

[Liziz]

I am in a book club and there is someone like this who recently joined the group. I feel your pain!!!

[lizzywednesday]

The closest I've come to being in a book club was ... online. We'd vote on a book, and then discuss in a forum thread. If you didn't read the book, you just ... didn't post in the thread.

I think that, in your case, OP, it sounds like book clubs with this particular person aren't for you.

And maybe your friend needs some other social outlet where they can vent & drink wine, but why they choose book clubs (and then don't read the books!) I can't begin to fathom.

Sending hugs.

[Gracemom]

I was in a book club like that and decided it wasn't for me. My new book club is much better. We have one person who talks too much about her personal issues and not about the book but I always steer it back. That's a bummer that she's in your new one. Maybe someone will ask her why she never reads the book!

[KpbS]

Wow. She’s got some nerve. It’s one thing to not read the book, but altogether another thing to then dominate the conversation when not reading. Ugh

[mmsmom]

I’ve been in several book clubs of various levels of seriousness though they all involved eating and wine. Current one rarely talked about book when I joined but I make it a point to bring up the book and talk about it. Sometimes the group splits into those that read and those that didn’t which is fine. Our only rule is if you didn’t finish and don’t want spoilers then don’t come to meeting bc we’re not going to refrain from sharing the ending or important things that happen.

[ezcc]

Splitting into people who read and people who didn't is a good idea- there were actually a few who hadn't read the book, and even though most were quiet while we were talking about it- it was kind of awkward with a few people just sitting there. And the spoiler thing annoyed me too, there was a twist at the end of this book but nobody wanted to talk about it in front of the people who hadn't read....It was the first meeting of this club so maybe things will improve, I will give it another couple of tries.

[doberbrat]

I feel your pain! I joined a book club last year too - it was made up of teachers at our school.. First off, we meet every 3+ mo. Seriously? Then, the 1st time I went, it took over an hr of the 2h mtg to get to the book talk. (and it was a good discussion book!) 2nd mtg I stayed up all night to read the book and then we never even talked about it. AT ALL! too many people hadnt read the book.

[NCGrandma]

I knew there was a reason I have avoided book clubs!! I read a lot, but these have never appealed to me.


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[bisous]

Oh I love a good book club! My crew can ALL get distracted from time to time. We sometimes hardly discuss the book at all. Which is funny because we mostly all read them AND we like discussing books! We're just chatty and can get off track easily. If someone got upset for spoiling a book that should be completely read by the time of the book club, well I just don't have words for that, lol!

OP (and others!) hope you find your people. Book clubs have featured in some of the best evenings I've spent as an adult woman, lol.

[niccig]

I’m in a book club through the local library. We meet in zoom now. We had an older member, who used to be a teacher, and she would bring the conversation back to the book as soon as we started off. You need someone like that. We find any questions that we can about the book to guide the discussion. Chatting is for after we’ve finished discussing the book. I think you need some ground rules laying out the discussion


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[firstbaby]

I am in a book club that I adore, but we had to work out a couple of quirks: whoever hosts is responsible for finding discussion questions and facilitating discussion with at least 3-4 of the questions; second, we get together monthly but build in 3 months we would get together without a book selection - it is social time only.

Would you be comfortable messaging through whatever platform you use to communicate with the group and say you sway toward “book club purist” or “rule follower” and would love a blend of book talk and social time since discussing your reads with friends fills your cup, etc and could we do x,y, or z to build in more of a discussion framework? Maybe even find an ally ahead of your message who could chime in they want discussion too or some variation? Maybe you bring a book suggestion about self awareness to the group too for your friend who will never read it ��