Do you know anyone who has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD as an adult?

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08-10-2016
gatorsmom

Do you know anyone who has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD as an adult?

So I'm pretty certain Dh has add or ADHD. The similarities between him and my ds3 who has it are striking. I'm also fairly certain that his highly defensive attitude is a result of his father's short temper and inability to calmly deal with dh's impulsiveness as a child. Dh has learned to use his ADD brilliantly- he is the most effective multitasker I have ever seen. He is fascinating to watch. As a result he has been wildly successful at sales and business building. He's also very good with numbers and very observant. I think I've posted here how he sold his 7 year old business to a major manufacturing company for millions. He has learned to use his add in very impressive ways. HOWEVER, he is also very, very defensive and does not communicate well. He takes any little critique as a personal attack and attacks back in a sarcastic aggressive way. He also never apologizes. It takes days before he will admit he hurt my feelings even when I outright say, "you owe me an apology." He will let the hurt simmer for days before he apologizes. He has very few friends. Any man he meets he immediately puts down either directly through "just kidding" or to me privately. His friends are his employees and people who he doesn't feel threatened by. It's pretty sad, really. When he is calm and content with how his business dealings are going he is fine to live with. But when things aren't going well, I'm (and I imagine his employees) walking on egg shells.

Lately things aren't going so well. I won't get into what's going on because it can't be changed for another 3 years. I'm wondering, though, if adults diagnosed with add who start medication, can be successful? If the medication does calm him down, will it also affect his business acuity? Will he lose his ability to multitasks? He's learned to cope successfully with his add except in his social life. I'm wondering what we could expect.

thiughts?
08-10-2016
gatorsmom

:help: UGH! Mods can you move my post? I meant to start this thread in the Lounge! I don't know how i ended up here. :oops:
08-10-2016
Cam&Clay

DH was diagnosed last year when DS2 was diagnosed. He filled out the paperwork and came to me and said, "I think this is ME." He was right. He now takes Adderall and it helps him focus at work and with his grad school work.

He's always had a short temper and that's not really any better now. He's always been quick to apologize and admit when he's wrong. He's a super friendly guy, though. I'd say the meds have helped him in that he doesn't try to multitask too much. He meets deadlines better and is less stressed. He is definitely glad he went to the doctor about it. His mother feels terrible because she should've noticed. I knew him in high school and the man couldn't turn anything in on time ever.
08-10-2016
gatorsmom

Thank you, Susan. Does your Dh feel better on the meds? Does he prefer the way he feels on them versus not on them? That's going to make a difference why her he decides to stay on them.
08-10-2016
lizzywednesday

DH didn't get his official diagnosis until college. They gave him some coping strategies that really helped and he finds that several caffeinated drinks over the course of the day help him focus, similar to the stimulant effects of medications like Ritalin in kids.

My childhood BFF also just got diagnosed with ADD (though it's the more-common-in-women/girls "inattentive type") and she's found that just getting the diagnosis has helped tremendously with her ability to cope with the way her wiring does what it does. For her, the primary symptom (in addition to poor executive function) was depression and/or anxiety. She needs medication to function at the moment, but that's better than not knowing what's going on!

If there's any way your DH could get diagnosed and some strategies, I think it will be helpful. Good luck pitching it!
08-10-2016
StantonHyde

I think he should definitely go for an assessment. Then he can decide about meds. It sounds like he could really use some therapy too--can't we all. Would he be willing to get an assessment?

I have known several adults with ADHD. On their meds, they are great. Off their meds and their spouses are ready for a divorce. I know someone who is a brilliant event planner--that woman multitasks at a head spinning rate. The meds help her come back to "close the loop" on all of her tasks. She has tons and tons of friends. One of my co-worker's husbands has it and he is the nicest guy in the world. (unless you have to live with him when he starts buying and selling their furniture on Craigs List because he wanted something different!) He has lots of friends. So I don't think the no friends part is due to your DH's ADHD--that's due to him being threatened by other people. And counseling is what is needed there.

As far as how he feels on the meds. He may not stay on them. But he can certainly try them--they run through your system in 8-24 hours depending on the med. It's quick to get off them if he feels bad!
08-10-2016
ShanaMama

Lisa, my DH sounds similar to yours.
I wouldn't be surprised if he has ADD or more likely ADHD but I don't think he'll ever get evaluated.
I think the key is getting him to listen to the issues and recognize them. Since your DH is very defensive that is a challenge.
I removed personal details from this post and will pm you instead.
08-10-2016
TwinFoxes

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShanaMama

Please don't quote me- I will come back and remove details tonight.

It is against board rules to post with the intention of deleting the post later. You should PM any details you find too personal to share.
08-10-2016
ShanaMama

Ok, thanks. I shared some personal info in that post that I'm not comfortable leaving out there in the ether. I wasn't aware that it's against board rules.
08-10-2016
Cam&Clay

Quote:

Originally Posted by gatorsmom

Thank you, Susan. Does your Dh feel better on the meds? Does he prefer the way he feels on them versus not on them? That's going to make a difference why her he decides to stay on them.

He does. I think he went through a few different ones before settling on Adderall. He even pushed for a "booster" dose for when he is meeting deadlines. I don't see any real difference in his personality but he feels better about himself because he's getting things done. He says his mind doesn't feel like it's going all over the place anymore. He jokes about feeling like the dog in Up! before meds. Squirrel!
08-10-2016
MSWR0319

Many of the things you posted describe my DH to a T. I have no doubt in my mind he has ADHD. He went to the dr a few years back and we were so close to a diagnosis. The minute the dr said he wanted DH to go to a neurologist because he thought it was ADHD, DH said "Oh, I'm fine." I am convinced DH would be much more focused on meds and really wish I could convince him to try them. He's been a hot mess lately and it's just driving me nuts. He was gone for two days for work and I was so glad he was gone just so things wouldn't be so chaotic. I feel like I have a 3rd child when his ADHD is bad. He has started meditating as I think he's realized he does have it. Maybe someday he'll try meds.
08-11-2016
kdeunc

I was diagnosed and started Adderall about 8 months ago. I have ADHD inattentive. DS2 was diagnosed about 3 years ago and I realized where he got it from. :)

I was constantly trying to multi-task and failing miserably. Projects couldn't get completed or were never started because I was so overwhelmed at the thought. Like your DH I struggle with taking every critique very personally however I do not attack back, I would just completely internalize the critique as a confirmation that I was failing. That is improving some but still a work in progress.

The medication has really helped me. I can not only complete tasks but actually remember to start them. It has helped my relationship with DH, who is type A, and often frustrated with my lack of focus. He did not/does not fully understand the ADHD struggle.

I look back and realize that this has been a life long issue. I was bright enough to still do well in school and "work well under pressure" (code for completing the assignment at the last minute). It did however greatly affect my self esteem. I questioned my ability and as a result I think I self limited my opportunities. This was a major factor in DH and I deciding to medicate DS2 when we received his diagnosis.

I would encourage your DH to be evaluated and consider treatment. It is not only frustrating for the spouse but it is extremely frustrating for the person with ADHD, even if it doesn't appear to be. Good Luck!
08-11-2016
BunnyBee

Yes, DH was. Treatment has helped with depression, temper, and focus. The part about only being "friends" with people who aren't seen as threats doesn't sound like ADHD. More a classic trait of narcissism.
08-11-2016
gatorsmom

Quote:

Originally Posted by BunnyBee

The part about only being "friends" with people who aren't seen as threats doesn't sound like ADHD. More a classic trait of narcissism.

Wow, really? I thought it was more a symptom of severe insecurity. It would fit given his extreme urge to prove himself to his parents, to me, to society.

This thread has been so helpful! Thank you to everyone who answered. It's given me lots to discuss with Dh who told me yesterday he'd like to go into therapy.
08-11-2016
SASM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdeunc

I was diagnosed and started Adderall about 8 months ago. I have ADHD inattentive. DS2 was diagnosed about 3 years ago and I realized where he got it from. :)

I was constantly trying to multi-task and failing miserably. Projects couldn't get completed or were never started because I was so overwhelmed at the thought. Like your DH I struggle with taking every critique very personally however I do not attack back, I would just completely internalize the critique as a confirmation that I was failing. That is improving some but still a work in progress.

The medication has really helped me. I can not only complete tasks but actually remember to start them. It has helped my relationship with DH, who is type A, and often frustrated with my lack of focus. He did not/does not fully understand the ADHD struggle.

I look back and realize that this has been a life long issue. I was bright enough to still do well in school and "work well under pressure" (code for completing the assignment at the last minute). It did however greatly affect my self esteem. I questioned my ability and as a result I think I self limited my opportunities. This was a major factor in DH and I deciding to medicate DS2 when we received his diagnosis.

I would encourage your DH to be evaluated and consider treatment. It is not only frustrating for the spouse but it is extremely frustrating for the person with ADHD, even if it doesn't appear to be. Good Luck!

Kelly, thank you for posting this. Lisa, thank you for the original post. I truly believe that I have ADD, or at least some variation. DS was finally diagnosed 2 years ago in 5th grade after years of questioning the doctors. Since then, I have seen so many similarities between between DS and myself. I keep putting off testing for my diagnosis because of the cost factor - testing and medications. You have opened up my eyes...I really should just do it, Thank you. Lisa, I cannot offer you any advice but definitely offering you ((((HUGE HUGS)))).