food allergy needs

So DS2 is nearly 5, will begin Kindergarten next Fall at same school DS1 currently attends and an email from one of DS1's friend mom made me think something in regards how FA parents approach playdates. DS2 is allergic to all tree nuts, eggs, and peanuts and so far for his playdates, it's always been either at my house, his preschool classmates homes, or the mutually agreed upon place where moms also hang out and chat too.

What age did you feel comfortable to let your FA kid play at their friends home without you? and what conditions were you comfortable to let that happen? did you wait for specific age? or until your FA kid knew what to do in case of FA episode?

My DS is now 13, but I had those years. I had no certain age. It varied a lot based on the other parent, but I wasn’t necessarily truthful about my reasons. He had friends also had FAs and epis, friends whose parents were nice but dingbats, friends whose moms went out of the way to do whatever was needed to help me feel he was safe, and an Asian friend who was new to the country and I struggled with the language barrier and worried about the cuisine in their homes. I either accepted if I was comfortable or made excuses if I wasn’t. Not the easiest part of being a FA parent for sure.

At 13, he self carries and is pretty much responsible for himself, but just last weekend he went to a party at a newer friend’s house. The mom is an acquaintance but DS has never been there and I didn’t know if she knew. I emailed her explaining that he didn’t need any special food and could self navigate and self carry but that I felt I would want to be aware if I was hosting, so just a heads up.


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My DS2 is 8. He had his first away play date at the end of 2nd grade. I left his epi-pen with the mom. I wasn’t completely comfortable because they were going to a second location but I left my number and stayed local. Prior to that I always invited people to play at our house. DS2 is rambunctious and it’s just been easier to have him here. If he gets too rowdy at home it’s no big deal. If DS1 had been a FA kid, I would probably have let him go with people I knew well at an earlier age - maybe 6 or 7 with really good friends. He’s a serious kid and I know he wouldn’t have tried to do anything that would have endangered him. It really does depend on the parents I’m leaving them with though. Some are great about doing everything they can to keep FA kids safe. There are others that aren’t as careful.