Liz Phair Knocks Adoption

What on earth?? I'm cutting and pasting this passage from MSNBC's gossip column:

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Liz Phair is ambivalent about adoption.

The singer, who was adopted herself, worries about the well-being of the babies that her friends are adopting.

“I don’t think you can be adopted without being a little bit screwed up, just knowing what I know from having [her son] Nick,� Phair told the June issue of Women’s Health magazine that comes out next week. “I have a lot of friends who are adopting right now. These babies are going to be just 8 months old, leaving their mothers who can’t take care of them. By 8 months, Nick and I were so bonded it was ridiculous. How is that going to work? My friends say, ‘It’s going to be wonderful.’ I’m biting my nails, thinking, ‘Do you know what you’re getting into?’�

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12804643/from/RS.3/

As an adopted person, and a person in the process of adopting, I think this is odd. In an ideal world, you wouldn't remove children from their mothers at 8 months, but this isn't an ideal world. And often, you are not removing them from mothers, but crowded orphanages or temporary foster homes.
It is so easy to say they might be screwed up, but has she ever wondered what her life, or the lives of these adopted children, would be like if they were never adopted.
Interesting anyway.

I was surprised to read this article today. I really like Liz Phair but this was one issue that I thought she lacked perspective on even though she was adopted. I thought it was an immature angry statement from someone who grew up having a great suburbia life as a child. And she went to Oberlin (lot's of angry liberal art escaped suburbanites that go to school there).

I have several friends my age who were adopted. They all love their adopted parents and the life they have been able to have with them. They are all great normal loving people. They are not angry.

All but one of my friends has met their birth parents and all the ones that met them are grateful for being adopted even thought they now have relationships w/their birth parents.

Adoption is a wonderful blessing for most children and a bigger blessing for those adoptive parents. ;-)

...and her suggestion as to an alternative for the babies she speaks of? Would it be better for them to not have parents raising them?

I have an uncle who is very against adoption. Maybe she was abused or had a rough upbringing?? That was his issue....his wife desperately wants a second child and they are unable to conceive one (1st one the Dr.'s REALLY don't understand how she even got pregnant and carried to term). He flat out refuses to adopt since his adoption by my grandparents was so rough, my Great Uncle beat him daily and he suffered a lot of verbal abuse from cousins. His mother (my mother's cousin) was 14 when she got pregnant with him.

Very wrong of her to knock adoption like that, it is such a blessing for so many.


Christy
My Waterbabies
Maddy 6/9/04
http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png
& Jarred 3/8/06, 14 lb 24 1/2" @ 10 wks, a happily breastfed babe.
http://b1.lilypie.com/KH1pm5/.png
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I was thinking similarly, that perhaps Liz Phair, like your uncle, had had a bad experience. However, as a PP mentioned, to generalize adoption as bad as a whole because of her experience is immature. One might say, pardon the pun, that it's throwing the baby out with the bath water.

While some children may have bonding issues if they've been adopted after 8 months of age, many are more resilient and do just fine. (In our case, we took physical custody after 5 days, so not every adoption is the same.)

For me, as a parent who became such because we adopted our son, this process is a gift from his bparents that we are grateful for. If our son ever thinks we are handling the issue wrongly, I hope he lets us know so that we can correct our thinking.

Fascinating! I am never on this particular board but this topic caught my eye because I actually grew up with Liz Phair in the early years before she moved to Illinois, and actually ran into her once recently. Anyway, her parents were terrific from what I remember and from what my parents remember and they still keep up with them through mutual friends. Obviously there could have been abuse and other things that no one knows about, but on the face of it all seemed healthy and well. She has an older brother who I believe was also adopted. What a curious statement from her.

Jennifer
Mom to Norah 5/23/03
and Leah 3/24/05

This sounds like a case of a new mom who suddenly is an expert on all things motherhood. Being a mom can be hard, no matter what the situation.

I would not want to be one of those friends right now. Those statements are really hurtful. Can you imagine how they feel about her right now?

I'm surprised she went to Oberlin - she doesn't sound that intelligent!

well phooey on her!

I have both bio and adopted children and I can say that Im as bonded to my DD as I am to my sons...

I do understand that at 8 months old a baby may not make an instant bond with you....it may take some time for the baby to get to be comfortable with you and to get into a routine etc but for DD (who was 9 months) that took exactly 3 days. Others have had it take longer but it did happen. And as far as our adoption went, DD was not taken from her bio mom at 9 months old...she was in an orphange.