Separating twins in school

DD's are starting grade 1 next year (wow! time flies! when did my babies grow up?!?!). They have been in the same class up until now. DH and I have agreed that separating is best for next year and that's generally what the schools push anyways. Right now, they are pretty attached in preschool and the teacher says their preference is always to play together unless she requires them to be in separate groups. I know the separating will be hard for them but at this point they really need to branch out and have friendships beyond each other and learn to communicate with the teacher. Anyone else go through this with their twins? How did they handle it?

My plan is not to tell them about being in separate classes until right before school because otherwise they will obsess over it and drive me crazy. Anyways, we won't know class lists for a long time so I can't even tell them which friends they will be with. Although, I do have a meeting with the school scheduled and they have told me I can request up to 3 kids to be with each of mine and they will honour that. The school has 4 grade 1 classes this year and will likely be the same next year. I have started putting the idea in their heads that it is out of my control and they might not be together but that's about it. School registration for next year starts shortly and the elementary schools have all started coordinating orientation and integration sessions with the preschools so that's why the topic came up.
When did you tell your kids and how did that go?

I was REALLY anxious about splitting my kids up because they were so dependent on each other and are VERY shy, cautious kids. We did it in Kindy. Our school actually lets the parents decide, though they did tell us that 90% of the parents who kept their twins together in K decide to split them up in 1st. That helped us make the decision because we didn't feel we were being pushed one way or the other.

We brought it up very matter of factly to our kids, in the context of starting K, at the beginning of the summer. "You'll get your own teacher and your own class!". They were SUPER ANXIOUS about it, which did not help with my anxiety! We never dwelled on it, but whenever the subject came up over the summer they would get VERY upset, cry, and just get super, super nervous.

Then over the summer I talked to another mom with twins (B/G) who said "They'll be fine...but it'll be a rough couple of weeks. Oh, you have G/G twins...that's probably going to be even harder! Bless your heart!" THAT didn't help with my anxiety about it!!!

We tried to keep the subject upbeat, focus on stuff they'd get to do in school (easy for us to do since they were starting "big school" - K). We didn't dwell on anything and when they asked questions we kept it VERY matter of fact.

We made the first day of K "special" - we let them pick what they wanted to wear, and DH went out and got donuts. They were really excited about the donuts LOL. And then...they blew us out of the water. COMPLETELY unexpected. Even though they were visibly nervous, NO TEARS on the first day at drop-off. They came home EXCITED to talk about their day and "compare notes". DD1 (our quiet one frequently overshadowed by her sister) LOVES having her "own" class. They DO sit as close to each other as they can get at lunchtime - classes have to sit at separate tables, but they'll choose seats on adjacent tables that are back-to-back to each other - fortunately they're in classrooms that are adjacent (their Kindy has 4 classrooms) so this works out. And it's so sweet:) And they play mostly with each other at recess, but are slowly making other friends and introducing each other to their friends in their own classrooms. Funnily enough, if one twin makes a friend in her class, that friend automatically becomes a friend of the twin in the other class:) But again, they DO still mostly play with each other at recess. I'm not worried because they HAVE both made other friends in their classes that they want to have playdates with and are excited to go to school to see and are excited to see at Girl Scouts, etc. And their teachers are very sensitive to the twin situation which helps a lot. For example, for their birthday their teachers coordinated so that both classrooms could come together outside and celebrate both birthdays together, which was awesome.

For our kids, it was a good decision. Your twins might surprise you!!! My advice is to answer questions with facts, and remind them that they'll be together for recess. Expect a rough transition, so that you can be pleasantly surprised if it's easy:) As for when to tell them, that probably depends on their personality. Ours do better with lots of advance notice so they can process their feelings about it.

eta: I also asked our preschool to try to help with the transition by putting the girls in different groups whenever possible so that they at least had some "separation" even though they were in the same class. That probably helped some.

My girls were a little different. They are very close, but never had a problem playing with other kids in preschool. We separated them because they can be a handful together. We separated them in K. They were fine. We told them it was up to the school (fib) and when they got their assignments two weeks before they knew they were split up. Their K classes shared lunch tables, so that was nice for them. It will be fine. :)

Twowhat, your girls and mine are a bit similar. I am so glad they have done so well in different classes! We have a hybrid program so they have those two days a week from 8-3 since 5K. We do not have the option of separating them because the school is so small. In 5K I would never have dreamed of separating them but after homeschooling them myself I would likely choose to separate them in the future if it were an option. They are just so competitive and their relationship is so intense that I feel like time apart would be preferable. Now in 2nd grade it is really nice at this age that they share friends and activities and projects and invitations. having double of that kind of makes my head spin.

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Originally Posted by Melaine

Twowhat, your girls and mine are a bit similar. I am so glad they have done so well in different classes! We have a hybrid program so they have those two days a week from 8-3 since 5K. We do not have the option of separating them because the school is so small. In 5K I would never have dreamed of separating them but after homeschooling them myself I would likely choose to separate them in the future if it were an option. They are just so competitive and their relationship is so intense that I feel like time apart would be preferable. Now in 2nd grade it is really nice at this age that they share friends and activities and projects and invitations. having double of that kind of makes my head spin.

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This is what I'm dreading. Different assignments, etc. We've already experienced a little bit of that in Kindy and already I can barely keep up!

Thanks for all the BTDT advice. Glad to hear that overall the kids managed just fine. A couple of times, one of my girls has been sick and the other had to go to school on her own. That resulted in lots of tears and anxiety but in the end, they usually have a good day and end up playing with other kids. We would probably have split them up this year but we moved overseas and decided to ease their transition by keeping them together one more year. Their teacher now has them in different groups as much as possible and ensures they don't sit next to each other in circle time. They complain about it but do fine.

I am really dreading different homework. I know it will be such a pain. Or, if one has homework and the other doesn't, oy, I won't hear the end of it!

I am gearing myself up for a rough few weeks but really hope they pleasantly surprise me :)

I was worried about assignments too, but they are pretty much uniform across the grade. There was a bit of upset last year because one teacher used stamps on homework pages, and the other used stickers. I can't remember which they decided was "better" but it resulted in occasional whining. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by TwinFoxes

I was worried about assignments too, but they are pretty much uniform across the grade. There was a bit of upset last year because one teacher used stamps on homework pages, and the other used stickers. I can't remember which they decided was "better" but it resulted in occasional whining. :rolleyes:

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HAHAHAHA EXACT SAME HERE!!! Stamps on one, stickers on the other, LOL!

It's a bit of a pain having to deal with all the whining about the "inequalities" of the two classrooms (example - DD1 earns a small prize each week she gets a sticker on every day of the week but DD2 has to fill up a marble jar first, which takes more than a week. And that's just one of MANY things!)

But in a way, I'm glad. It's life, they have to learn to deal.

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Originally Posted by twowhat?

HAHAHAHA EXACT SAME HERE!!! Stamps on one, stickers on the other, LOL!

It's a bit of a pain having to deal with all the whining about the "inequalities" of the two classrooms (example - DD1 earns a small prize each week she gets a sticker on every day of the week but DD2 has to fill up a marble jar first, which takes more than a week. And that's just one of MANY things!)

But in a way, I'm glad. It's life, they have to learn to deal.

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Glad to know I'm not the only one who deals with whining over such "important" issues. ;) I agree, it's annoying, but they've got to learn that's life.

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Originally Posted by TwinFoxes

Glad to know I'm not the only one who deals with whining over such "important" issues. ;) I agree, it's annoying, but they've got to learn that's life.

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We still really really really have our moments but I will say that this Christmas was so much better in terms of not being ultra concerned with equality. For example, I have always taken the girls separately to buy gifts for each other and this was the first time that they each were really excited to choose for each other without any complaining, angst or "wonder what she will get me..." They also each voluntarily spent their own money rather than letting me pay as I always have done.