Am I out of line here?

I sat down for lunch today and saw a sticky pad I wrote a grocery list on a few weeks ago. I went to the store last week and got the stuff so I was going to throw away the list when I saw 2 dates written on it in tiny handwriting. I asked dh about it - he said he wrote them. One is for him and the other is for me. ??? Someone called to confirm an appt.

I asked who the appointment was for and he said he didnt know. "The girls? Maybe you. They called and spoke really fast and hung up." I asked if he checked caller id - no. When was the call? He gets all defensive and angry... "IdK a while ago. I assumed you know because you made it"

I then got to call my primary care and see if I had anything scheduled on that day, the kids' pedi and their dentist. ... it was for the dentist.

Am I out of line for being irate?

I would be upset and annoyed also.

Perfect example of only one parent carrying the mental load.

Annoyed, I sort of see. Irate? That seems a bit much. People forget things when they are busy. I would certainly hope that my DH would not be irate if I made a mistake like that. He wrote it down, but didn’t pay much attention to who it was. Sounds like you narrowed it down pretty easily.


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Originally Posted by JamiMac

Annoyed, I sort of see. Irate? That seems a bit much. People forget things when they are busy. I would certainly hope that my DH would not be irate if I made a mistake like that. He wrote it down, but didn’t pay much attention to who it was. Sounds like you narrowed it down pretty easily.


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Ditto.
I would have (rightfully) assumed my spouse already had the appointment on their calendars. The courtesy reminder calls aren’t really necessary for me. Only problem would be is if it was the provider calling to say they needed to reschedule. But, I wouldn’t be irate.


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Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles

Ditto.
I would have (rightfully) assumed my spouse already had the appointment on their calendars. The courtesy reminder calls aren’t really necessary for me. Only problem would be is if it was the provider calling to say they needed to reschedule. But, I wouldn’t be irate.


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Yep, this is how I see it. Dh and I are so busy I’d chalk it up to him being interrupted and then he forgot about it. Since I’m guilty of that much more than he is, I’d let it go. If this were a regular occurrence and I needed those reminders, I’d be much more annoyed. However, I’d figure out another system for reminders (like ask the hospital to email or text me rather than the phone calls) and just not rely on him.

I can see this happening in our house too and I would be annoyed but not irate. DH is clueless when it comes to the family calendar despite the numerous times I've tried to share it with him. He figures I have it organized and doesn't know why he should get involved. I definitely carry the mental load of the family and I'll leave it at that because it's how we are set up at this point. It's probably a good thing I get almost all reminders through text message.

I would be very annoyed because (though DH is fabulous about MANY things) I always get stuck dealing with all of the appointment stuff for everyone and sometimes I forget about one and need the reminder. Part of my annoyance would be based on my silent resentment for having to do all of the remembering and scheduling of everything. If DH could tell me who the kids dentist is or even what town they are located in I would be less annoyed at him not writing down that the appointment was for their dentist. Or if he'd said "Someone called with a reminder that the kids have an appointment this week and I wrote down the time, but I'm sorry I forgot who it was" that would also help tone down my annoyance.

I would be annoyed but not to the level of irate. I’m a SAHM and handle all kid and house related issues. I am human and do occasionally miss things so reminders are important. My DH would have handled it similarly. anything not related to his work or his body are not on his radar and don’t register.

I'd be annoyed. I have asked DH to just please not pick up the phone if he can't take a competent message and have shifted contact info to me and my cell phone to avoid exactly this situation.