Get wishes and affairs in order OH and a burial plan

My dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack on Sunday in my back yard, I found him and did CPR -- it was an awful situation.

He had no plan, no plot, nothing planned at all. I've spent the last 4 days with my mom trying to organize things and funerals are super expensive. Later this year once I've gotten past this specific moment DH and I will be buying a place to be buried and fund/make arrangements. It is seriously insane. This is a PSA to both talk to older parents or in laws and also get your own affairs in order. Not doing it is awful.

I'm so sorry for your loss! How completely awful and frightening for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

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Oh my goodness. P&pt for you and your family.

I've been on my parents to do their planning. Not so much for the cost as spelling out their wishes so we don't have to try to guess what they wanted in an emotional time.

This does lead to a related question for others on the board. How do you plan burial specifics when you aren't sure where you'll be living at the time of your (hopefully many many years away) death? For my parents it's obvious that they'll very likely be living in the same city but not as certain for us.

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I'm so sorry, OP! It's horrifying enough to lose someone you love, but to have to take care of all those decisions and details and shoulder such a large, unexpected expense while trying to cope with the shock and grief... It's too much! Hugs to you!


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First, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Second, thank you for the reminder! Thinking of you and your family

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am sorry, so very sorry, for your loss, for the suddeness, and the trauma of finding him.

My parents have both passed away, neither had a plan. I understand what you are going through.

I'm so sorry for your loss hillview, and for the trauma of they way he died. Hugs to you and your family.

My MIL is getting older and lives all alone, we are trying to figure out what to do when she gets older as DH is an only and his parents divorced. We are looking into residential living but it is so expensive, both entry fee and monthly fee. We worry about her because she lives far away (in SoCal) that if anything happened to her we are not around to help immediately.

Hugs to you. I can imagine how traumatizing this was for you 😟

Oh Hillview, I'm so sorry! I'll be saying some prayers for you and your family.

I have to say, it's very kind of you to go through all this with your mother. And what a blessing it is that she lives with you! When my mom died, my dad said it was so hard living without her alone in his house. He left her purse and keys in the same spot she always left them but he just didn't have the heart to move them. I imagine it's a huge comfort for her to be there with you and her sweet grandkids.

I will say that we had a great funeral director and he was an enormous help wading through all of the funeral and burial details. Essentially we showed up, he asked us a bunch of questions, offered to handle as many of the details as he could himself, right down to paying the priest the stipend for his services. He had the owner of the headstone-carving company waiting at the cemetery for us and the cemetery director was there at the same time to show us which plots they had available. We didn't have to do anything after that but bring some clothes to the funeral home and then show up the night of the wake. He didn't charge any more for this service, since we organized everything through them. But yeah, I think for middle of the road caskets and crypt we paid $12k. Not cheap. And even with him doing all that for us, it was agony and the pain was so fresh.

I really feel for what you are going through right now. :hug: