Would you bring kids to visitation?

One of our dearest friends from college just lost her husband to cancer. We were in each other’s weddings. We have grown apart since then but still obviously devastated for her loss. It was been years since I have been to a visitation....should we bring kids 13,13 and 7? The 13 year olds are friends with her daughter, although they have told me she is painfully shy so they aren’t exactly close. I’m not sure if it’s inappropriate to bring them or nice to have there for a distraction. Both DH and I will have to work during the funeral so I want to do my best to make the visitation.


on a separate note, this week has just broken my heart. First our community searched for a missing child who was then found murdered and then I got the news that our friend died on Valentine’s Day. Just awful.

I do not think it is inappropriate to bring them if that works best for your family. However, I think they (at least the older ones) are old enough to ask their input on if they want to go. I am not in favor of making kids go if they don’t want to, with the possible exception of very close family members, though I know not everyone will agree.


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I have brought my kids to both visitations & funerals. Perfectly acceptable so long as they understand what's expected & will behave accordingly.

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Originally Posted by klwa

I have brought my kids to both visitations & funerals. Perfectly acceptable so long as they understand what's expected & will behave accordingly.

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Same.

I would let them know they don’t have to do anything they are uncomfortable with either. I won’t go up to open caskets. I don’t want that image. I want to remember them alive. My mom’s Family is really pushy though.


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Yes, unless it is an open casket. Then I would not bring the kids.

I feel like it all depends.

My sister and sister-in-law brought their babies to the wake/visitation when our grandmother died in 2013, but my sister and I brought our older kids (they were just-turned-4 and 3.75 yrs old at the time) to the funeral Mass, burial, and repast.

I would not bring my own child to a friend's visitation/wake unless they had been particularly close to each other, but it sounds a lot like you would bring your children for your own sake. And I think that's OK - I feel like, based on what you've told us all about your kids in the past, they would be fine being in the building, but not necessarily near the casket. If they could bring quiet activities with them, perhaps they could encourage your friend's kids to participate while they stay in the hallway or another area of the funeral home?

I did not go into the funeral home for visitations until I was an adult; I was asked if I wanted to when my paternal grandfather died (I was 13) and I firmly said no. The first visitation I actually went to was for my late high school chorusmaster in 2009. I have been to various relatives' wakes since.

In this situation the 13 yr olds yes if they want to go since they are friends the 7 yr old no. Close family we always take the whole family.

Thanks guys. Because we had just gotten into town (none of the clothes were clean), we ended up leaving all three kids. The girls literally couldn't find anything appropriate to wear.

My heart is absolutely shattered though. My friend was totally stoic and very calm until we got to her in the line and then I choked up a little and we both lost it. I have a massive headache from trying not to cry all night.

Maybe I need to start a new thread about how I can help her.