Spec ed teacher thinks dd is just avoiding :-(

So, dd's IEP was postponed due to dd's classroom teacher having a family emergency. I do not blame the teacher at all, of course...but this meeting was supposed to happen in November. It was postponed once before due to weather. Then they did not want to schedule it until mid-March--dd is going to middle school and the school choice deadline is the end of Feb, so I pushed to have it happen earlier. It is now happening Thursday.

Dd's teacher called me last night about another matter (she wanted to let me know she will not be there for dd's birthday and wanted to know if dd still wanted to have that little celebration that day or change it) last night. Dd and I both have a great relationship with the teacher. I asked her how she thought this meeting would go and what the spec ed teacher thinks of dd. Teacher said she thinks spec ed teacher thinks dd is more avoidant than having problems with her ability. Sigh, to say the least. I have dealt with this in "professionals" over and over for dd. I know it is not the case. The problems she is having are the same ones that are problems for her disability. I know what avoidant looks like and its not dd. Ds is more avoidant--very hard to get him to do work, but once he does it, he gets it done because he can!!! Dd can spend a long time on things, but she doesn't get parts of it and can't do it. This is only a little of what goes on.

As much as it sucks, I am glad to have this info. I had requested to start the meeting with me reviewing relevant info about dd's diagnosis and how it effects her back in Nov--I was almost going to waive that as this meeting is going to have to be short, I want an update, they have invited a middle school spec ed administrator, etc--but now I will not waive that, and as I had always planned will talk specifically about how it is really common for people to not recognize that the child is struggling or how the disability effects them.

Also, I am scared of having the middle school spec ed administrator there--it is definitely good, so I can hopefully get any info I need, but I have so little patience for people's ignorance about dd that I am afraid I will be reactive and come off looking bad to someone who doesnt know the whole story. I am normally a calm person, but this is just so difficult.

I guess this is mostly a vent, as I don't know that there is any thing anyone can offer me---but I'd sure appreciate any PTs, BBB mojo, whatever you've got that this meeting goes well for dd. I do have a friend attending, so that is good. Thanks!

Good luck at your meeting!!! I am always surprised that the spec ed teachers sometimes can read things so wrong. I know there are a lot of different issues kids have, but at the very least trust the parents if they seem to know what's going on.

Will your friend be wearing a suit and carrying a legal pad, taking copious "notes"? Unless the school knows your friend, I would suggest s/he "play lawyer." But you probably already know that. ;)

I'm sorry you're dealing with this frustration. Is your DD's teacher on your side? That can make a big difference.

Thanks! The elem spec. ed administrator who will be at the meeting does know my friend---but my friend has a PhD in mediation (she does not plan to be active during the meeting), but all this to say she is very respected by anyone know knows her.

Yes, dd's teacher is totally on my side. So much so that she gave me a heads up to directly ask her for her opinion during the meeting if I don't like the way things are going. She did say she might be in a place where she can't go against what someone is saying in the meeting but she will also try to address it after the meeting (when I am not there).

Good luck with your meeting!!!

Good luck at your meeting. My best advice is stick to your guns. Be polite but firm. If the special ed teacher brings up her beliefs that your DD is just avoiding and not trying, I'd aks why she thinks that and hear her out. But I'd be sure to say things like - "I don't agree with that" and/or "I have a different interpretation" and/or "A lot of kids with ____ disability are perceived that way."

I've learned a lot from an advocacy agency here in town. Ours is funded by the federal IDEA - so its not even a state agency - and according to them every state should have one.
They suggest always bringing someone with you, if nothing else to take notes. They report that meetings tend to go better when the parent has someone along with - almost like people behave better and are more cooperative for an audience. They also say that if you disagree with what is being said, but are flustered and feel like you can't explain yourself, say something basic to let the team know where you are at. It can be as simple as "I'm not on board with this plan" or "I don't agree with this."

I've also found that reading my state's documents about special education and policies and procedures is really helpful. When you know their language and can talk intelligently about their rules, they are more likely to take you seriously and do what you're asking.

Thank you for the good wishes and great advice!

inmyjps, I do have the equivalent agency working with me/at the meeting (pretty sure its not a state agency either) and they are helpful in some ways, but avoid anything that seems confrontational (even things that arent), so they do not speak up in meetings. As I said, I also have a friend attending. We'll see----