Co-sleepers and not... "Mommy, will you sleep with me?" xpost Baby Lounge

WWYD? My daughter is almost 3 1/2 years and has been asking every night lately if I will sleep with her. As a last resort, she'll ask if DH will sleep with her, LOL. We have never co-slept and DD has not had problems sleeping through the night until this.

I know what started these problems: the BBB retreat! We stayed at my MIL's, where DD and I sleep together due to lack of space. About a month after that, we visited my parents and did the same thing. DD often takes a long time to fall asleep, so I know she is often bored, but she was handling it on her own.

She asks in the sweetest voice and for that I want to say yes. But I don't want to go to bed at her bedtime and leave all my evening tasks undone, nor do I want her to lose her ability to fall asleep herself. Even with me there, I don't think she would fall asleep quickly.

This must be a common problem, but I want to know how others deal with, especially past or present co-sleepers.

Do you think she'll sleep in a sleeping bag in your room? Maybe if you can get her to sleep in the sleeping bag and gradually move it out of your room into hers.

-Sonia
Mommy to my Strawberry Shortcake lovin' Martie

We were cosleepers and it was something of a struggle to get Elijah to sleep on his own. ALthough he was perfectly happy to have his own bed, for a long time, we'd have to lay down with him until he fell asleep. We transitioned to sitting next to the bed until he was asleep, and then finally made the jump to him falling asleep on his own.

It is easy for them to get into the habit of sleeping with you and much harder to get out of the habit, so if you aren't interested in cosleeping, I'd stay firm no matter how sweetly she asks. I would say to her something like, "It is fun when we sleep together at Grandma's house, isn't it? But we sleep together there because there is only one bed. Here at home you have your very own bed to sleep in! Why don't you snuggle with _____ (name of stuffed animal or doll) tonight. ____ will help you fall asleep."

HTH,

I have no advice, but just wanted you to know that I can relate. We aren't co-sleepers, but DS has slept with us before. It started when he was a nursing toddler and would wake up in the middle of the night and I'd nurse him back to sleep in our bed. However, it was not a regular thing. Then, occasionally on vacation he would sleep with us when he couldn't go to sleep in his PNP. But, now that he's almost 3, this has become a problem. Every night he asks to sleep in our bed. We say no. Then, we can't get him to sleep in his own bed. He will go to sleep if one of us lies next to him. It's getting very frustrating and we're not sure what to do. And, since he can open doors, tear off door knob covers, etc. then he wanders around the upstairs when we leave the room.

i have no solutions but could use help as well.

we became cosleepers when DS was 14 months due to being a messy sleeper when he started walking which woke him up as well as bad colds which led to vomiting.

now he is almost 3 yo and our daughter is 1 month old. at least three months before her birth we set up his bed in his own room. we can sometimes get him to sleep there by lying next to him. now he consistently asks for "mommys bed" . we had taken out the rails on our bed and he has fallen out and onto our wood floor at least 5 times since our daughter was born as he still is a messy sleeper. we know the "supernanny" method but often are too tired to do this . also my DS is very persistent.

Roley's been doing the same thing for the last two months or so, although it's starting to taper off. We never coslept either, except when she woke up sick or needed extra snuggling, and then that was in our bed. Our bedtime routine was pretty efficient and led to her falling asleep by herself very quickly. A couple of months ago DH got in the habit, without really being conscious of it, of staying with her for a little while after we officially tucked her in. It would take him about 10 minutes to fall asleep, LOL, and she would be asleep too. This definitely led to Roley now consistently wanting us to stay with her until she falls asleep. I do think it is very sweet and definitely relaxing to stay with her, so I don't really mind. However, I know that she did fine without it before we established this pattern.

We have been agreeing that we (or often just DH since my presence seems to distract her more) will stay with her for a few minutes but we will then get up and go downstairs and clean up. So, he stays for a couple of minutes, announces that he needs to let the dog out, clear the table, etc. (and we make it something we need to do so we are not lying to her) and says he will be back to give her a final kiss when she's asleep. She has been protesting lightly, but doesn't cry and doesn't get up and falls asleep very quickly after he leaves, so it seems to be working.

Paula -- mom to Roley Julia, January '02