Call First, OK?

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08-23-2019
lizzywednesday

Call First, OK?

One of the benefits to both of my parents being 2 hours away (one is 2 hours north; the other's 2 hours south) is that they don't randomly show up on my doorstep.

Except for last week when my mother did exactly that. Which she has never done before. And I am still pretty unsettled by this.

She was in the neighborhood (her orthopaedic surgeon is based out of the nearest hospital to me) but didn't think to give me a heads' up that she'd be in the area at all ... or ask if it was OK if she came over.

I don't have the kind of relationship with my mother that a lot of my friends have and I am OK with it. It's best for my mental health to keep her at arm's length.

My first floor is pretty messy right now because I'm still in post-vacation/pre-school cleanup mode (DD doesn't head back to school until September 5th, which is the worst) and I tend to spend my days wearing really ratty clothes because I don't go anywhere unless I have errands to run.

The last thing I needed was a random drop-in from my mother (with her husband in tow) while I'm trying to put stuff in order! (Or binge-watch some Netflix. Either way, I want to be alone.)

And because I was so stunned, I didn't say anything. If I'm being honest, it's less about the fact that it was inconvenient and more that it felt pretty intrusive.
08-23-2019
niccig

Call First, OK?

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizzywednesday

One of the benefits to both of my parents being 2 hours away (one is 2 hours north; the other's 2 hours south) is that they don't randomly show up on my doorstep.

Except for last week when my mother did exactly that. Which she has never done before. And I am still pretty unsettled by this.

She was in the neighborhood (her orthopaedic surgeon is based out of the nearest hospital to me) but didn't think to give me a heads' up that she'd be in the area at all ... or ask if it was OK if she came over.

I don't have the kind of relationship with my mother that a lot of my friends have and I am OK with it. It's best for my mental health to keep her at arm's length.

My first floor is pretty messy right now because I'm still in post-vacation/pre-school cleanup mode (DD doesn't head back to school until September 5th, which is the worst) and I tend to spend my days wearing really ratty clothes because I don't go anywhere unless I have errands to run.

The last thing I needed was a random drop-in from my mother (with her husband in tow) while I'm trying to put stuff in order! (Or binge-watch some Netflix. Either way, I want to be alone.)

And because I was so stunned, I didn't say anything. If I'm being honest, it's less about the fact that it was inconvenient and more that it felt pretty intrusive.

I’m the same. If I’m not going anywhere,I’ve got the plan for the day, in my super comfortable but worn clothes, and a surprise visit would throw me for a loop. I’d be doing a quick dash to the hall bathroom, as DS uses it and he’s a teenager, so it’s messy except for the one day a week I make him clean it up!

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08-23-2019
HannaAddict

I wouldn’t have been home! And come out of hiding once they left.

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08-24-2019
lizzywednesday

Quote:

Originally Posted by niccig

I’m the same. If I’m not going anywhere,I’ve got the plan for the day, in my super comfortable but worn clothes, and a surprise visit would throw me for a loop. I’d be doing a quick dash to the hall bathroom, as DS uses it and he’s a teenager, so it’s messy except for the one day a week I make him clean it up!

Fortunately, I had cleaned the bathrooms before we left for vacation, so the powder room was OK. Just the amount of clutter we're currently fighting feels overwhelming sometimes! (I am getting better about not letting things sit, but it's a horns-locking battle with DD some days to get her to follow through on her own stuff.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by HannaAddict

I wouldn’t have been home! And come out of hiding once they left.

I'd considered that, but my driveway is very short and I park on the street ... and my car was Very Obviously parked in front of my house. Oh, and she literally phoned me while they were parked in the driveway.

Plus, due to our not-very-close relationship, my mother rarely phones so any time she does, I automatically answer in case it's an emergency.