Dealing with toxic siblings and milestone parent’s birthday

Thanks for the good advice, California and Liziz. I appreciate it! ��

Sorry you are dealing with difficult family dynamics, and pandemic complications! Everyone ought to have the same goal- making your dad feel special- but it probably doesn’t feel that way. From my POV, you could tell him you checked in with your siblings, and their plan won’t conflict with you seeing him (if that’s what you want to do and he’s comfortable with it.)

First, good for you for standing up to everyone about the surprise party. That is a terrible idea during a pandemic and I'm glad that's been taking off the table.

If you're not interested/able to work on the video project, I'd simply reply to your dad with something like "yes, SiblingX and Sibling Y mentioned something they're working on, but I'm not involved in it, so that's why I'm talking to you about what I'd like to do".