High schoolers and bedtime

What time does your high schooler go to bed on school nights, assuming homework is all finished? Do you tell him/her to go to bed?
My 15 year old freshman stays up later than I do because I get up before 5am for work (DH does mornings with the kids and drop off, I do pick up and evenings). DH seems to think one of us needs to stay up with DS and send him to bed around 10-10:30. I feel that a 15 year old who is healthy and earning straight As and involved in school can figure out what time he needs to go to bed- and if he doesn't get enough sleep, he only has himself to blame and will figure it out. He's just home, on the couch, watching tv and playing a game on his phone, and had never done anything to lose our trust in his phone use.

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Your kiddo sounds like mine and I have the same philosophy you do. Only occasionally do we suggest going to bed. He's really pretty self sufficient and knows how much sleep he needs. :)

15 year old DD - same thing. She's a total night owl, and we don't try to manage her sleep. Occasionally if she's cranky/sleep deprived I'll make a comment about getting some extra sleep.

My freshman DS sounds like yours. He always wakes up in a great mood, so I figure he’s well rested enough. He goes to bed around 10:30ish on his own. My 7th grade, on the other, needed so be nagged and prodded to finally get to bed at 10:30. She wakes up grumpy most mornings and complaining she’s still tired. Obvious solution would be to get to bed earlier, but she fights it and it’s a losing battle. She does sleep in on weekends when she doesn’t have soccer, while DS rarely sleeps in much. I value sleep and good sleep hygiene so much, but constantly butt heads with DD.

My freshman DS sounds like yours. He always wakes up in a great mood, so I figure he’s well rested enough. He goes to bed around 10:30ish on his own. My 7th grade, on the other, needed so be nagged and prodded to finally get to bed at 10:30. She wakes up grumpy most mornings and complaining she’s still tired. Obvious solution would be to get to bed earlier, but she fights it and it’s a losing battle. She does sleep in on weekends when she doesn’t have soccer, while DS rarely sleeps in much. I value sleep and good sleep hygiene so much, but constantly butt heads with DD.

I enforce a 10 pm bed time. No phone or texting after 9 pm. Phones in the kitchen at night. If the kids stay up reading in their rooms that’s fine. But no screens or TV after 10 pm.

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Originally Posted by StantonHyde

I enforce a 10 pm bed time. No phone or texting after 9 pm. Phones in the kitchen at night. If the kids stay up reading in their rooms that’s fine. But no screens or TV after 10 pm.

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This is about what we do too. I'm more relaxed on it Tuesday nights (late start Wed) and the weekend. But, I like quiet time myself at night and they will read anyway, so starting that by 10 is good. They are all up by 6:30.

My sophomore who will be 16 in June goes to bed when she is ready, she gets her homework done as needed independently, is on the honor roll and gets everything done. She gets up at 6:45 and has never missed the bus. During swim season she was at the pool by 5:15, but even then, she usually is still awake at 10:30 or so. I stay up later but she's usually in her room by 10ish, reading or finishing up something. She uses her phone to wake up/read on and we don't have the phone outside of her room, for us it hasn't been an issue, yet anyway. It's also not unheard of for her to come down at 11 to make a batch of slime, get a snack, come sit and talk, it's not all the time and I'm ok with that.

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Originally Posted by StantonHyde

I enforce a 10 pm bed time. No phone or texting after 9 pm. Phones in the kitchen at night. If the kids stay up reading in their rooms that’s fine. But no screens or TV after 10 pm.

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This is pretty much me with 15 year old DS1, although I tell him to be in bed by 10:30. Screens go away at 9 and stay in my bedroom (if they were in the kitchen he'd just take them after I go to bed). If I didn't say a word or take his screens then he'd stay up all night playing video games. Even then, he never wakes up on his own in the morning and is the deepest sleeper I know. On the weekends, if he doesn't have anything to do, he's been known to sleep all the way until late afternoon, even till dinner time a few times. He also reads a ton (takes a 1+ hour bath with his waterproof Kindle every night) and has been known to finish an entire book after going to bed.

I don’t have a teen, but I do work with teens. There have been many studies showing that teens’ body clocks are set for most of them to stay up late and sleep late. This is why there’s a movement to push the start time for high schools later in the mornings. I think setting a strict, early bedtime for teens is a losing battle and one it’s not worth fighting. I do think asking teens to commit to a time for screen shut down is important. It’s not an issue of trust or misuse. Screens interfere with sleep. This has been scientifically proven as well. If screens are on, sleep will be delayed. I’ve been known to check one more thing on my phone at midnight and find myself wide awake and still on my phone at 3 am even if I was exhausted before! It’s worth having your teen set a phone notification for a certain time every night that’s at least an hour earlier than when they plan to go to sleep. Teaching kids sleep hygiene is important. The best way to get good sleep is to strive to go to sleep at the same time each night and wake at the same time each morning. Setting a phone shut down time can help with this. Also, on iphones you can set your screen to display warmer light rather than bluer light after a certain time at night, and that helps, too, but the phone should still go off an hour before sleep time and, preferably, at the same time each night. Older teens can regulate all this for themselves. Younger ones may need a rule in place.


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Dd has friends (8th graders) who are up till 2-3 in the morning on their phones with all the alerts etc. I teach my kids good sleep hygiene. Every kid is different. My kids need the limits in order to learn how to handle the phones etc.

Just wondering what time all your kids get up if they're going to bed at 10-11? Mine get up around 5:30 and are completely miserable if they go to bed past 9:30, especially the 8th grader. So I do try to enforce a bit but they are usually good about knowing when to shut it all down. (Although saying that they went to bed at about 10 last night! I'm sure I'll be paying for that today lol.)

Do your kids not do activities if they have 10pm bedtimes? During musical season (Feb-early May), it’s not uncommon for ds1 to get home between 10-11pm by the end (9:30 earlier in the season) and he still has homework (practice starts at 6 and he had sports after school). Marching band gets done at 9.


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Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles

Do your kids not do activities if they have 10pm bedtimes? During musical season (Feb-early May), it’s not uncommon for ds1 to get home between 10-11pm by the end (9:30 earlier in the season) and he still has homework (practice starts at 6 and he had sports after school). Marching band gets done at 9.


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Yes they both do sports. Depending on if it's a practice day or game day they could get home anywhere from 4pm-7:30pm. Then some combo of dinner shower homework. And they are usually wiped out. Maybe they're wimps. :ROTFLMAO:

Wow I don't think kids here can do a combo like marching band and sports. I think both practice at the same-ish times and you're expected to commit to each one. DD1 sports rules were that her sport takes priority over everything else (besides school work but if you're not keeping up your grades you're not playing anyway).

OP here. My DS1 is in marching band and a spring-season JV sport. In the fall when band was most active, he had some really late nights. He gets up about 6:30 am for school but will sleep usually until 8-9 on weekends. I'm trying to foster his abilities to take care of himself and manage his own time. So if he didn't get enough sleep and feels tired the next day, generally it's his problem. I'm not going to call him and tell him to go to bed when he's at college so I feel this is the time to let him figure it out. Generally, he is my rule follower though, so I trust him to figure out what works for him given the commitments and constraints he has (must go to school on time, must eat breakfast, must finish homework, must attend mandatory practices, etc. )

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Originally Posted by Twoboos

Just wondering what time all your kids get up if they're going to bed at 10-11? Mine get up around 5:30 and are completely miserable if they go to bed past 9:30, especially the 8th grader. So I do try to enforce a bit but they are usually good about knowing when to shut it all down. (Although saying that they went to bed at about 10 last night! I'm sure I'll be paying for that today lol.)

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DS1 wakes up at 7:20 usually for breakfast. School starts at 8:30. This trimester, he has a free period first on Tuesdays so doesn't need to get to school till 9:40 so is able to sleep in till 8:30 those days. No way could he get up at 5:30!

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Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles

Do your kids not do activities if they have 10pm bedtimes? During musical season (Feb-early May), it’s not uncommon for ds1 to get home between 10-11pm by the end (9:30 earlier in the season) and he still has homework (practice starts at 6 and he had sports after school). Marching band gets done at 9.


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My DS1 is taking the relaxed high schooler approach. He goes rock climbing once or twice during the week and is home around 8:45pm. That's all he has on weekdays and also has very little homework. On the weekends he has Japanese school early Sat mornings for 4 hours and then goes rock climbing again on Sunday afternoons. That's it.

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I have no idea what time DS1 goes to sleep. He is usually in his room by 9-9:30. He has nearly straight A's in honors classes as a freshman, gets himself up and on the bus on time every morning without fuss, and is not cranky or irritable (as if lacking sleep) so I'm letting him figure it out on his own.

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Originally Posted by Twoboos

Just wondering what time all your kids get up if they're going to bed at 10-11? Mine get up around 5:30 and are completely miserable if they go to bed past 9:30, especially the 8th grader. So I do try to enforce a bit but they are usually good about knowing when to shut it all down. (Although saying that they went to bed at about 10 last night! I'm sure I'll be paying for that today lol.)

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DS1 gets up at 6:40am and has a very efficient schedule that gets him up, fed and out the door for the bus at 7:05am. He showers at night.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles

Do your kids not do activities if they have 10pm bedtimes? During musical season (Feb-early May), it’s not uncommon for ds1 to get home between 10-11pm by the end (9:30 earlier in the season) and he still has homework (practice starts at 6 and he had sports after school). Marching band gets done at 9.


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We don't have any activities that go that late. DS2 just finished the spring musical and the latest practices went to 6:30pm. Performances were later, but that was on the weekend. Most activities are finished by 8-8:30pm here.

DS1 gets up about 6:25 on Mon, Tues and Fri. He leaves at 6:50 for the bus. Wed is late start and he leaves here about 9:30, so he sleeps in. And Thurs I usually drive him so he gets a little more sleep. The bus drops at the middle school first, so if I drive just him, we don't leave until 7:25 or so.

He is in activities. Marching band goes until 9pm twice a week in the fall. Robotics goes until 9pm many days a week in the winter. Bowling is typically done early in the evening. He doesn't have anything that goes until 10 or 11pm. It was hard when it was bowling and robotics build season. He doesn't have a lot of homework usually, so could manage it pretty well in between.

Mine is in 8th. He does not have a bedtime. He stays up late and takes afternoon naps most days. We leave for school at 7:20, so he’s up a bit before 7. During hockey season he often has late practices (was 8-9PM, then change, drive home, and he needs a snack...will likely be later next year since he’s moving up an age group). That’s most of the school year. He started playing lacrosse this spring but that is either right after school for practice or games over before 8 (and we live 2 miles away, so not a long drive, unlike hockey which is 20-30 minutes). He is learning how to regulate himself and is super self sufficient. He’s also more progressed in puberty than a lot of 14 year old boys, so that may make a difference. I can almost guarantee I will need to be more regimented with DS2. DS2 also has ADHD and getting homework/studying done early is important where DS1 can stay up late and finish and still get A’s.

Mine is in 8th. He does not have a bedtime. He stays up late and takes afternoon naps most days. We leave for school at 7:20, so he’s up a bit before 7. During hockey season he often has late practices (was 8-9PM, then change, drive home, and he needs a snack...will likely be later next year since he’s moving up an age group). That’s most of the school year. He started playing lacrosse this spring but that is either right after school for practice or games over before 8 (and we live 2 miles away, so not a long drive, unlike hockey which is 20-30 minutes). He is learning how to regulate himself and is super self sufficient. He’s also more progressed in puberty than a lot of 14 year old boys, so that may make a difference. I can almost guarantee I will need to be more regimented with DS2. DS2 also has ADHD and getting homework/studying done early is important where DS1 can stay up late and finish and still get A’s.