Why won't my 3.5 year old tell me when he has to pee?

Help!

My son is three and a half. He is a very smart little kid - he can already read! (And not just sight words, he can actually sounds out words with short vowel sounds.) But this potty training thing is just not working. Shortly after he turned two he understood the concept, and he would have entire days where he would stay dry, and then be wet the whole next day. That was understandable at two years old; no problem. But it has been almost a year and a half, and he hasn't improved! I don't know why. He can hold his bladder - and he WILL - as long as he can. He just won't TELL us when he needs to pee. I will ask him if he needs to go, and he'll say, "Not yet," but then he'll pee in his pull-up 2 minutes later. He just does not want to stop playing. He doesn't dread going to the bathroom, he doesn't throw fits. He just simply doesn't care when he gets wet. He would probably sit in a soaking wet diaper all day and not care. Of course, I pay attention to the amount of liquids he consumes, and I tell him when it's time to go to the bathroom, but he will never tell ME. And because he doesn't care about getting wet, he doesn't exhibit any signs that he has to go (like a potty dance).

Sometimes when we put him in underwear, he does and good job, but other times, it is a disaster. He can literally sit in a puddle of pee and not care.

He's fairly independent, he can pull down his pants and pull-up by himself, he can move his stool to the toilet and climb up by himself, he'll flush, he'll wash and dry his hands by himself... and he enjoys being able to do these things. We also give praise, and rewards for staying dry, like stamps, stickers, etc. We also let him have a hot wheels car if he can stay dry for an entire day. That helps a bit.

So, in short, he will hold his bladder, I just need him to stop what he's doing to TELL me, and then he can go right back to playing.

I understand that all kids learn at different paces, but if anyone has any advice (other than waiting it out), I would appreciate it.

Thanks!



(Side note - He does not have a problem pooping in the potty. He has been doing that without a problem since he was 2.)

Ugh - just wanted to commiserate. We experienced the same with TWO of our boys.... one was almost to age 5! Seriously! And we tried everything... he just didn't care. I thought we would be going to KINDERGARTEN in diapers. Then suddenly it clicked. thank god.

I hope someone has great advice for you.

Edited to add - when it did finally click - we did NO pullups ever, no accidents ever....and did this within 2 days! SO... there is hope even for the older ones..

The super smart cookies can give you extra grief with this. Don't let it become a power struggle. No one is happy then. We failed at PT'ing at 3.5. Sure, we could have kept at it but we were all super miserable. Ds1 could hold it for hours (I mean like 6-8 hours) and then pee all over the floor as I started cooking dinner. A few months later, he decided he was ready, potty trained in a day, never had a single accident after that. Sometimes it is just worth waiting. No talking about it, just deal with diapers (better than pull ups) and let it go.

Mikey0709;4109845,

Thanks, I knew it had to be happening for other people too, but it's nice to hear someone say it. I'm sorry you had to go through that TWICE! At least the turnaround was almost instantaneous! How much longer did it take for them to stay dry overnight?

SnuggleBuggles;4109849

Yikes --- 6-8 hours of holding it and then having an accident. And, of course, right when you had started dinner. I am glad you understand my frustration, but sorry you had to go through the same kind of thing.

Thanks for the input!

He stayed dry overnight from that point on as well. He basically did it all in one fell swoop.

My DS is also 3.5, super smart, and completely disinterested in PT. We have made several committed attempts. He never tells us that he has to go and doesn't seem to care if he's wet or dirty. It's completely disheartening.


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Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles

He stayed dry overnight from that point on as well. He basically did it all in one fell swoop.

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Same with both of my boys. DS1 was right around 3 but DS2 was closer to 4. When it clicked, they were dry overnight as well. I stopped pushing and just let it go. I'm a firm believer that when they are ready, training takes a day or so.

My daughter was 3yrs 3 months and it was like a light bulb. She was being stubborn. Didn't want to go and it was sort of a battle. I decided I didn't want to fight her and the next day she started using the pottie chair (vs. toilet). I had tried the chair in the beginning but had reverted back to the toilet as it was easier for me.

It was like reverse psychology, once she noticed I didn't pay attention or ask, she was going on her own.

She is still in goodnites at bedtime but we're getting very close to not needing them. She still naps and does fine at nap time.

Good luck and have patience. It will come.