Twins and potty training: out of sync

I've been hearing for three years that DS would follow DD's lead potty training because that's what B/G twins do. And of course my DS is the exception to the rule! :rotflmao::rotflmao:

They're 3.5 now and DD has been daytime potty-trained for over two months. Most of their school friends are potty-trained, and DS has been encouraged by his teacher who knows that he can do it. His older boy cousins wondered why he was still in pull-ups, when we vacationed with them.

So now I have two dilemmas - one is the standard slow-to-potty-train dilemma - we're doing incentives, "underwear weekends," special underwear, etc.

The second dilemma is what do you do when one twin is way ahead of the other in an area like this that can cause feelings of shame or inadequacy. DD of course likes to point out her success all the time, and is also concerned occasionally that her brother isn't in underwear. I know they talk about it at school. I just don't want him to internalize it. I've told him boys are later to potty train than girls, but that may not help. Meanwhile, here we are encouraging him.

I'm sure this won't be the first time we deal with one excelling ahead. It's just so strange with twins, different than my sibling experience.

Gosh, that is hard. I am no help because my girls pt'd at the same time (which was its own brand of misery :) ). But I think we will all have this in one area sooner or later. (I am dreading puberty and dating!). I need to reread siblings without rivalry (not twin specific, but a lot of good info about how to word things so siblings don't compare. but with twins I think it will be inevitable). I would try to just focus on their accomplishments in their own areas. I wouldn't necessarily tell dd "well, ds walked first" but just acknowledge ds's accomplishments as he achieves them. When she asks why he is in diapers, just tell her that everyone does things differently. Sorry - not much help!