kid dilemma/bring it up to Teacher?

normally i stay out of "playground interactions" that may come up between DS1 and classmates unless it turned into a real big issue, as i believe social skills is important for kids to learn how to navigate themselves as much doable without parental involvement.

however, DS1 came to me with a new ongoing issue for past 2-3 weeks and i'm due to have a conference with DS1 kindergarten teacher this Friday. Wondering whether i should bring it up to her or leave it completely alone then bring it up to teacher down the road, if it became unmanageable.

DS1 classroom got two new kids-both boys, but one is quite shy and very sweet. This particular kid keeps following DS1 around during recess (they get recess 2x a day plus lunch break) and ds1 have asked to be left alone several times without success. Last Monday, when DS1 first brought it to my attention, we role played how he would ask this kid to leave him alone. I told DS1 we can talk about this again if it still bothers him without any reslution. Friday, DS1 told me that "kid still follows me around and im getting really frustrated!" it dawned on me that this kid may have seen DS1 go off to play with other boys after being asked to be left alone, so i asked him for more details. Turns out after first couple of times, he really went off to play by himself which the kid honored. It was the subsquent requests of asking to be left alone, and going off to a different group of kids. That is when i suggested to DS1 that next time it happens, invite this kid to play with that group of boys and then maybe the pressure on you to be constantly be the kid's playmate wouldn't frustrate you so much.

Fast forward to tonight after talking with DS1 who told me it was still happenin. Turns out that the kid had been invited by DS1 to play with others, but doesn't LIKE to play with other boys because they don't play his games and that he doesn't want to play THEIR games. Hence bothering DS1 to leave the group and play with him alone instead. DS1 is at the point of being quite frustrated and cried tonight saying he's lonely. After some discussion of role playing a different approach to take tomorrow and rest of week, i told DS1 to try explain to the kid that he loves playing with him, but also enjoys playing with other buddies too and feels lonely otherwise. So, to please join me with others, and if you don't want to play then please respect my desire to play with my other friends.

my question is whether i should bring this up to the teacher this Friday? and any other suggestions of how i can help DS1 to navigate this issue with the kid if no teacher involvement is advised?

keep in mind, DS1 had a different but similiar issue with another kid last year in his Pre-K classroom, but by Thanksgiving/xmas it worked out in the end. I didn't bring that up to the teacher then, so that is what i'm thinking again with this particular issue.

I think you've done a great job coaching your son. If it were me, I'd make the teacher aware of the situation and ask her advice on what more you can do to help your son navigate this issue. The teacher may offer to help in some way, may have some good advice to offer, or may choose to just observe for a while. In any case, the teacher will be aware this is happening and won't be surprised if your son's frustration boils over or if this other child gets upset. The information can only be helpful.


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I'd make the teacher aware of the situation so the teacher can help redirect the other child. You are giving your son some great advice, but I don't think these sort of social dilemmas should be on your son's shoulders alone while at school. I'd share it with the teacher so they can help both boys and keep an eye on the situation.

I agree w/ PP. Yes, bring it up to the teacher so it is on her radar. She can help facilitate the new child getting to know others. Also, let your DS know that he can approach the teacher when he is feeling very frustrated.

Also, great job talking things through with your DS. I tell my kids all the time, it is their job to be kind and friendly to everyone even though they may not be their friends, they need to treat others with kindness.

I would let your teacher know but not just to redirect the other child. I would coach your child on being empathetic and kind and sometimes that means hanging with the new child or including him with the other kids even if he really doesn't feel like he want to, that is being a quiet leader. I would also take you child's version with a grain of salt. It may well be true that the child doesn't want to play the game they want, and it equally may be true they are excluding him and he is new to school, awkward of doesn't know the social mores of the school. I wouldn't accept at face value the scenario. But ultimately, I would say it is totally okay to complain to me the parent, but really try and understand how hard it is for the new child and try to be a good friend. And let the teacher know, but really coach my child. Good luck.