Nobody wants to do your dishes

This is what I want to say to a friend on Facebook who is constantly complaining about having a mental illness. I have dealt with depression myself. I am not putting down the mental illness(es). But she makes A LOT of noise on Facebook that seems like unhealthy attention seeking and it doesn’t seem like she’s doing anything in real life to help herself with whatever the real issues are, instead she seems to work on distractions.

She posts a lot of “how you can help a person with a mental illness” checklists. They almost all involve doing the dishes. I find these lists helpful. I have saved a few. I just don’t think she needs the kind of help listed so much as she WANTS the kind of help listed.

I am extra frustrated because she recently made a post about how all she does is post “cries for help” and all she gets is ignored or laughed at. I think she gets “ignored” because most people think of these posts as “the boy crying wolf”. Still, I and others have responded with kind and compassionate comments many a time, and I’ve never seen anyone laugh at her.

The was only one incident several years ago where she wanted a certain breed of pet. At the time she was making dire comments about her finances and also about her inability to care for herself. Someone must have PMed her saying something about her seeming inability to afford to purchase this breed, and her inability to afford and execute ongoing care for the animal. Her response was an angry public rant against the comments and another rant about how people should be “helpful”.

So, yeah.

Part of me wants to respond to her current comment that sometimes earnestness is often far greater than expertise, and people might want to help but not know how, that people are not laughing at her, but probably WITH her in commiseration, and if someone is indeed laughing AT her then she should take them off her friends list, but I somehow do not think she would take it well.

Ugh!

I have a friend a bit like this. I don't think she'll find the validation she seeks on FB no matter what you or anyone posts. I'm sorry she's sad. It is hard because people who struggle can be really hard to be around! I think your concern for her and your acceptance is enough and I'm sure nobody can fault you for entertaining thoughts that it is a little bit much! Also, I can't imagine being in a position that I'm depressed enough that I would want a friend or associate to do my dishes--I'd be so embarrassed! But I guess I'm lucky that although I've struggled with periods of mild depression from time to time, it hasn't been as deep or severe as some I've witnessed among family and friends.

I think this is such a perfect example of how Facebook can be so harmful, to both mental health and friendships! I too have known people who sound a lot like your friend. It's exhausting and I pretty much always unfollow them on Facebook. Either it's someone I don't have a close in-person relationship with and I choose to remove that negativity from my life, or it's someone I want to continue to care about in real life and help in real life, and therefore need to stop seeing the frustrating posts so I can focus on the actual person and not their less-than-ideal online behavior.

I would suggest you hide this person on fb if you want to keep being friends IRL.

We were friends IRL long ago. It’s been decades since we lived anywhere near each other. I used to hide people, but have since found it easier to just keep an eye on everyone. I have a very small friends list. I would prefer that it be smaller, but I only “check in” to FB once a month or so. Most of the people I am really close to at this point in time have tapered off FB as well.

I really hate the format of FB. I wish message boards (like this one) would come back into popularity!!! (I guess that’s a rant for another day.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Peaches Keane

I really hate the format of FB. I wish message boards (like this one) would come back into popularity!!! (I guess that’s a rant for another day.)

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Meeeeee tooooooo!!!!!!

Often, I don't want to do my own dishes, whether that's attributable to depression, demotivation, or overwhelm, so I'd find some of those "what to do for someone with depression" posts you're describing personally frustrating, although I'd be empathetic to feeling overwhelmed.

That said ... you're a compassionate person, but it can be more than a little overwhelming to be/remain friends with someone who is struggling with their mental health. Maybe snoozing this person from time to time will help you protect your own mental health?

Good point.

I have had friends like that through the years. Honestly, those are the ones that I am not terribly worried about.

Years ago, I had a friend who was always griping about finances and not being able to afford thing. I would hand down clothes to her, ect. UNTIL I found out that she and her husband kept separate finances. He was doing well financially. This family had a "safety net". At the same time another friend was quietly struggling and was in real dire straits, due to circumstances out of her control. She was quiet about the situation. It would come up occasionally, but not regularly. Often, I find that those who ask for the most support are NOT the ones who really need it.

I would definitely limit my exposure.