Baby's sleep worsening with side-lying nursing and co-sleeing

[lmintzer]

Help! I just can't go through another year of sleeplessneess like we did with Jack. Joshua was sleeping in his bassinet and waking up 2x to eat (which was fine). DH would do one feeding with ebm and I would do one nursing session, and all was okay. But then, Joshua started balking at the bottle again and not falling back to sleep after DH fed him. So DH (understandably, since he has to get some sleep to get up and go to work) started handing him back to me afer his feed.

I was so tired, that I started taking Joshua in bed with me and nursing him down. Sometimes, I'd "forget" to put him back in his bassinet, and he'd wind up sleeping with us until his next feeding and then until morning.

Though I have no problem with co-sleeping with a baby this young, I don't want to co-sleep forever. I don't sleep as well with him by me, and I'm starting to think he doesn't as well.

He is thrashing around like crazy in his sleep--trying to get his fist into his mouth to self-soothe (which he can't quite manage). He won't take the paci (I personally have no problem with pacifiers--whatever makes little babies feel more comfortable). I sometimes put him back on th breast when he's doing this, and he sometimes is interested and sucks himself back to sleep. Other times, he refuses and just keeps thrashing.

We've tried swaddling, and he seems to be comforted by this, but the tricky part is that he just can't seem to tolerate it unless he is alreaady sleeping. So no swaddling him as part of a soothing ritual. It just won't work (unless we run the hairdryer, a trick we learned with Jack).

What do you think is going on? Daytime sleep has deteriorated too. I'm assuming he's either overtired or maybe going through a growth spurt or some developmental leap that is causing sleep dysregulation. But I really don't know. Nor do I know what to do. He's sleeping in the sling right now (the only thing that seems to work). This is okay, but with a toddler, I really need him to be willing to sleep alone sometimes. I know some are in favor of baby wearing whenever the baby wants it/needs it, and in my heart, I want to meet his needs. But I have 2 children, and I am not taking care of myself well enough. I could use a nap now and again. And I have to be gearing up to be going back to work in 5 weeks. My nanny needs to be able to manage the 2 of them as well.

Any thoughts on what to do about the thrashing (I feel bad for him, poor little lamb) and the lack of day time sleep? He will fall asleep nursing (sometimes) but as soon as he is put down (even after being held 15 minutes first), he pops up upset. This all seems worse since we started nursing in bed. Does this seem like a likely connection?

Oh, and we are treating him for mild reflux with Zantac. So I don't think that's what's bothering him now most of the time.

Sleepless in Chicago (Lisa)
& Jack, 4/20/01
& Joshua, 11/16/03

[chlobo]

I dont have any advice but your baby sounds just like ours, except that she's always been a thrasher. We started out co-sleeping but her thrashing was so bad that we had to transition her to the nursery, where she thrashes but we dont wake up. She also cries in her sleep (sometimes several times a night), which does wake us up and makes me extremely worried. We also have a huge problem with daytime sleep and I feel like I spend more hours tryin to get her to sleep than she spends sleeping. It is very frustrating. I feel your pain.

If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it.

[lizajane]

well, many might think i am a terrible horrible person, but my two cents are as follows: put him back in his own bed.

co-sleeping is not for me, but it is a-ok with me if someone else makes the choice to co-sleep. but i have noticed that co-sleepers tend to have more nightwakings and more nightfeedings. that is my OBSERVATION, NOT a judgement. just repeating what i have heard co-sleepers say. so in my tiny little non-expert opinion, i think it sounds as though the co-sleeping isn't working for your family. maybe you should try your old arrangement again and see what happens.

edited to add: you could be hitting the 3 month growth spurt. it was a big one for us, lasting more like a week than 2-3 days. so feed feed feed during the day and see if it helps. worth a try!

[COElizabeth]

Lisa,

I don't know what your solution will be, but here are a couple of thoughts. First, I preferred to go ahead and sit up in bed and feed DS when he woke at night and then put him back in his bed rather than trying to nap while nursing lying down. I think it encouraged me and DS to finish the feeding quickly and then go back to sleep - but it was just my personal preference and what worked better for us. Also, I can tell you that in retrospect, several periods of sleep deterioration turned out to be probably caused by reflux. Joshua might have outgrown the dose or have had the Zantac just quit working. It's not necesarily the problem, but it could be.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02

[jennifer13]

I wonder if the thrashing is connected to the reflux? My DD thrashed a lot from about 8 weeks to 12 weeks, and then it just stopped. I assumed it was gas, but didn't have much success having her sleep with her head elevated, but I think that is often one of the suggestions (sleeping with head/torso elevated, sorry not making much sense today). She wouldn't take the paci either. Once she got more hand control and got those little fingers into her mouth, it really helped. But it sounds like it may be an issue with the baby lying flat, and maybe that issue is gas or reflux.

Aside from that, you might try just having DH put him back down awake after the feed. It never dawned on me to do that myself until a friend suggested it. I was so used to her falling asleep at the breast I didn't know what to do when she didn't! BUt it was very helpful because now she falls asleep on her own great.

Hopefully the thrashing will stop on its own soon. It did stop overnight with DD, I gues her digestive system got to a more mature point. Good luck and take care!!

Jennifer
Mom to Norah 5/23/03

[jbowman]

The last line of your message caught my eye since my daughter has a mild case of reflux. We've been giving her small doses of Prevacid. My ped. suggested giving her the medicine in the evening right before the last time I BF her before bed. My husband and I have been doing this for about a week (only a week I know!) and it has worked wonders for her--she has been sleeping more peacefully. So I guess my suggestion would be if you're not already doing this--give the Zantac to the baby before the last feeding and see if this works (I guess the thought is that the baby is getting the medicine before bed when it would help sleep--perhaps calming the reflux a bit?).

Good luck!

[sarahfran]

I was also struck by the acid reflux connection. Dylan had reflux and was terribly uncomfortable much of the time when he slept UNTIL I eliminated dairy entirely from my diet. I mean--not even any milk in my coffee. No dairy whatsoever. It's made a huge difference for Dylan. He's much more comfortable. And frankly, so am I!

It might be worth a shot! Good luck.
-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

Motherhood is such a joy!

[chlobo]

The dairy thing didnt work for me. However, under the suggestion of my ob I gave up coffe (I was drinking starbucks decaf) and that seems to have helped somewhat.

[papal]

Lisa.. i replied in the Lounge to your question. Reflux is acting up sounds like.

[Gayletmomto4]

Lisa,
I am wondering the same thing about my ds, born 11/15/03. A few weeks ago he would get at least one good stretch of sleep in his bassinet of about 4-5 hours early in the night. Then I started nursing him in bed for the rest of the night and co-sleeping. I don't know if that is the cause or if it is a developmental/age thing but lately he is waking up as often as every 1.5 to 2 hrs. We are co-sleeping because I didn't know what else to do. I am exhausted!
He also thrashes around (no reflux that I am aware of)especially in the early morning hours. I am going to try to cut out the co-sleeping part and put him back in his bed. I'm wondering if maybe nursing him when he awakens is getting in the way of him learning to go back to sleep on his own.
During the day he sleeps fine in the sling or when his is being held and for brief spurts in his bed.
Anyone have any other ideas? Could we be dealing with a sleep association (like J. Mindell writes about) at this young age (3 mos)?

Gayle