My ped is a nincompoop

[jojo2324]

Did I spell that right? Argh. I am switching to a different doctor. We went in today because Gannon's been stopped up for a few weeks now. I have called the office and spoken to nurses on numerous occasions, and just been told everything is normal, don't worry, silly ninny new mother doesn't know anything (didn't really say that, but the tone of voice implied it), etc. Fine. But I've had it, I'm worried that he's going to explode and this is not normal, so I took him.

Of course he has a blowout there (thanks Gannon!), so I really look like I don't know what I'm doing. And it stinks to the high heavens. It filled the whole office complex, I'm sure. The ped admonishes me for putting the diaper in the pail, which I can understand, but there are about 12 other diapers in there. She wants me to walk through the office and use the Genie in the bathroom. Fine, but I'm not gonna do it until the meeting is over. I tell her that the color and smell of the BM are not like they used to be.

Well, how do you know it's not bloody mucus!?!?

I don't think it's blood, there are no splotches. It's a deep orange color. (I've spoken to the nurses about this twice and they've said it's normal.)

Well, how would you know? (Now it's convenient that the diaper is in the office so she can do a blood test on the BM.) BM is normal. Fine.

What about the smell, is that normal?

Well, I think he's been backed up for a while so this is just a residual thing.

Well, truth be told, it's been smelling like this for quite some time, before the constipation. Is it normal for BF babies to have BM that smells like this? It's changed.

Well, what am I going to do about it, how can I make the smell go away? It's normal, sure.

I got so angry I almost lost it. I am not some spoiled brat who thinks that babies should only wear white linen and not drool or poop or pee or excrete anything. I know that babies can be messy. But my question wasn't "Could you please take the stench away?" I asked if it was normal. Because it doesn't seem normal to me that his poop suddenly is this weird color with an atrocious odor to it. I am worried that there is something else going on. But why on earth should I expect the ped to listen to me now when all along they just kind of shush me and tell me everything is normal. Like DH says, peds know babies incredibly well, but you know your baby best. I am so angry that I say nothing for fear of what will fly out of my mouth if I do open it. (I am the type who never ever deals with confrontation to the point where I am just a little mouse never saying anything. But if you really really piss me off, watch out because I LOSE IT. I have a mouth like a gutter. Completely unhealthy, I know.)

This is so petty and in the scheme of life so not worthy of any attention and I am blessed with my beautiful handful, but I am tired of not being listened to. And I understand there is a whole range of normal when it comes to babies, and I understand that I'm a new mommy with way too much time to scrutinize. But tell me that things are normal without making me feel stupid, please. Thanks for bearing with me girls!

[etwahl]

I would have been furious as well, and don't blame you for shopping for another doctor. I'm originally from Canada (just been here 3+ years) and I have to say that one of the differences I notice the most is the difference in medical care. I have yet to find a doctor that has won me over. Maybe it's because my doctor back home was so wonderful, I don't know. I know there are good doctors out there, I just haven't worked with one yet. And because of that I avoid the doctor.

Before I got pregnant, I was trying to plan ahead, so I went to the doctor, told her I was going to get pregnant in a couple months, and asked if there was anything I needed to do, any tests I needed to take, etc. She looked at me like I was crazy! I even had taken a list of the vitamins I was taking and asked if I should alter it any. She didn't even look at it. Aren't you supposed to up your dose of folic acid? Because I didn't know much about what a woman should do to prepare for pregnancy, and for some reason didn't research it, I just thought there must be something, but apparently no.

Then I got pregnant. My midwife asked if I had ever had chicken pox. No, I hadn't, and because I was from Canada, where they don't have or give a shot, I had no idea if I was immune or not, but it was too late to have the shot by then.

And then there's toxoplasmosis. I have two cats. I probably am immune, but I think I could have had the test prior to getting pregnant just for peace of mind. Now my husband is paranoid if I even go in the same room as the cat box.

My friend who has a one year old says she loves her pediatrician, so hopefully that will work out for us as well. I hope you find a wonderful ped who will care for Gannon the way he should be cared for, in a way that doesn't make you feel like an idiot.

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[nigele]

I hear you, Joanne! My ped has told me over the last two months that DS in normal, so has a Pulmologist at Duke University's children's hospital booked him for a sleep study??? I doubt every baby that goes to a specialist with the same issues gets such a thorough test! I, too, feel like my ped treats me like a stupid new Mom and it drives me crazy. I have asked her things and her answers can come across as condescending. I have thought about switching but DH thinks she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. There ARE several things I like about this ped and her office - she is a sole practitioner and knows my baby really well, she is really good with DS and is very gentle, she gives shots herself and does them super-quick, I can always get an appointment same day, even for little things, and she carries a cell phone which you can reach her on 24/7. You just have to weigh the pros and cons but if you can't stand the ped, don't torture yourself - find another one that you feel more comfortable with and don't look back.

[mamahill]

Oh Joanne - I feel angry for you! Definitely get a new doctor. I am lucky to have an excellent doctor (want to commute? lol). She is a family practice doctor and mother of 2 on her own. She wouldn't be my OB because she said that takes up too much on-call time and takes her away from her kids. My OB was ok, I mean, he got the job done. But I was so happy to see my doc come walking in the morning after Ainsleigh was born. And she has taken such good care of us ever since. I don't know if it's just the way she is, or that she's a mom too. But she has never made me feel stupid for asking any questions. Ok, she's laughed at a couple of them, but not in the you're-so-dumb-for-even-thinking-that, but more of the oh-don't-worry-all-new-mothers-feel-like-that sort of way. Guess I'm lucky. But definitely find a new one before Gannon's 6-month check-ups. It will make those shots a little less stressful (maybe).

oh, and I would be concerned over orangy smelly poop with a BF baby. Ainsleigh's didn't change until we introduced cereal and veggies (and her orangy poop is a direct result of carrots or sweet potatoes!).

Hang in there - you are a FABULOUS mother. (btw, I just got a message notification from you, but it was dated sept. 28 -- I think I responded to that one... weird. didn't want you to think I was ignoring you!)

[kathsmom]

Joanne,

Definitely change your ped if you feel that you and your baby are not being treated with dignity and respect! Yes, the doctor went to school and specialized in children's health, but YOU know your baby better than anyone else. When my DD was 8 months old, I went back to work as a speech therapist part-time and put DD in a daycare. My first day was a Friday. By Sunday, DD was running a fever and was miserable. I called my new job and told them DD was sick and that I would not be in that day, and then immediately called her ped. Well, this is an office where you leave your name, number, and what problems you are having and a nurse will call you back. I told the nurse what was going on with DD and that DD had never run a fever before - never been sick at all (other than slight fever with shots). The nurse said to wait a few days and see what happened. At this office, you couldn't get an appointment just by calling in - you basically had to have the nurse's permission to bring the child in. Well, that didn't sound right to me, so I called our family doctor and they said to bring DD in right away. DD had an bad ear infection and needed antibiotics! Needless to say, I transferred my DD from that ped's office to our family doctor.

DS is seeing a ped right now. She is very nice and kind of kooky, but answers my question about anything. Like Lisa's little boy and Gannon, Andrew has really been congested. She thinks it is still newborn congestion. If it doesn't clear up soon, I will take him in again!

Good luck finding a new doctor. There are compassionate and understanding doctors out there.

Toni - mom to Katherine (5/19/96) and Andrew (9/23/02)

[KathyO]

Definitely switch doctors. If a doctor doesn't want to deal with new-parent uncertainty, they sure as hell shouldn't go into pediatrics!!

If a doctor wants to tell you that the thing you're worrying about is not a problem, they should be willing to back that up with explanations. And any doctor who doesn't sit up and pay attention when a parent says, "this isn't normal for my child", risks missing something seriously wrong hidden among the usual childhood ups and downs.

And anyone who makes you feel stupid for investigating something that concerns you is going to stop you from coming in again. True, most concerns turn out to be normal phenomena. But some don't. True, some people come rushing in every time they feel the tiniest twinge. But most don't. You deserve more respect.

Good luck in the hunt.

KathyO

[JMarie]

Absolutely - switch to a different ped! When things change unexpectedly, you have every right to be concerned and to want someone - especially your doctor - to help alleviate your fears. When my youngest sister started having problems around four or six months (SERIOUS diaper rash, projectile vomiting, explosive blowouts that were not normal colors, but still gaining weight) our ped thought things were okay. Finally, after a few months, he ran some tests anyway, since my mother kept complaining. Turns out she was allergic to the soy formula, whey, and wheat (I think), and what she was eating had burned holes in her intestines. We had to force Mylanta down her throat and read labels on everything that went into her mouth. To this day she cannot take liquid medication and she's small for her age. Just have faith in your own instincts and if you believe something is wrong with your child, kept at your doctor until s/he listens to you. If no one in the office will listen, then go elsewhere. Your child's health is more important than loyalty to a doctor.

JMarie
EDD 2/23/03
Aidan Christopher

[Rachels]

Yep, I agree with everybody. Switch! FWIW, we experienced exactly the same diaper phenomenon a few months ago. She would store it up for a week or so, then produce massive quantities of poop that looked like very thick carrot soup. And the smell nearly knocked me over. Eventually it went back to normal on its own. I wonder, though-- I'm so clear that something is up with her intestinal tract. Maybe it was an early sign of a bug?

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[nigele]

Rachel,

Did you ever ask the ped if Abigail's "diaper phenomenon" was anything to worry about? Thomas just had a poop after 8 days that smelled worse than anything! He has been pooping every 4-6 days before that. We just assumed this latest poop went so long and smelled because he has started to eat 2 servings of rice cereal each day. (When he first started cereal, the ped told us it might be constipating.)

Isn't it funny how "poop" is such a serious topic now that we're moms?!

[jojo2324]

Oh thank you for saying that! When it first started we had given him two bottles of formula (maybe 6 oz) just trying to get him accustomed to taking one. So I figured that's what it was. Then the deep orange color started and I called the office frantically. We decided that maybe it was the tomato sauce I had with my pasta the night before. But it's continued now several weeks past the tomato sauce and it still (when it infrequently appears) is orange. Then I wondered if it was my multi-vitamin that I just started taking (the iron specifically) but the ped said that not much is excreted into the milk. But my mind is slightly at ease knowing that you experienced something similar and it cleared itself up by itself. BTW, think I might have found your mobile...Check the lounge!