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  1. #1
    etwahl is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Well today has been a horrible day for me. We just found out that DH is leaving for Iraq Jan 17. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out. All of our birth plans, hypnobirthing, etc. has gone out the window, and I just feel so devastated that he is going to miss one of the most important things that will ever happen to us. If I weren't pregnant, this would be hard, but not this difficult.

    One of the things that hurts the most is that we've already gone through two very long six plus month deployments (in our less than 3.5 years of marriage), and that was supposed to be the end of it, which is why we got pregnant when we did. We got pregnant four days after he returned from what was supposed to be his last deployment. We've always planned to do this together, and now everything has changed in the blink of an eye.

    I just feel so devastated and can't believe this is happening, but know that within a matter of weeks he will be gone. It's hard, because he doesn't know what he'll be doing, doesn't know how long he'll be gone, and doesn't even know what kind of communcations will be able to have with each other. In previous deployments, not during times of war, phone calls were VERY few and far between, and email was our only communication. Unfortunately sometimes that too goes down, especially for security reasons.

    I guess I just needed to vent my sadness to a group who I knew would be supportive. I'm not looking for sympathy. I know there are others out there who are worse off than I am. I'm just sadder than I've been in a very long time. In my heart, I know he will come home safely to me. It's just hard for me to consider doing all this on my own, without my best friend in the world. I have great friends, but it's just not the same. I wanted him to be my birth coach, and I wanted him to be there afterwards to take care of our new baby. It just doesn't seem as special any longer.

    Tammy,
    Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

  2. #2
    Rachels is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Oh, Tammy, how horrible! I am so sorry. Don't worry right now about things like renovating your birth plan. You just need some time to grieve. Cry as much as you need to, and sort out details later. It's okay that it doesn't feel special at the moment.

    In the months to come, you're going to need lots of support, so we'll be here for you every step of the way. I wish I had a way to get to you to help with your birth or with your new baby. I'll send you my phone number, so please call anytime you need backup.

    In the meantime, my prayers are for peace in these troubled times and for your husband's safe return. And although it will of course be very different than you imagined to give birth without your husband there, remember that for all of human history, women have relied on the support and company of other women for birth. It's part of our heritage and our responsibility to nurture one another through this amazing process. Women create a circle of strength around each other, and we're going to do the same for you.

    -Rachel
    Mom to Abigail Rose
    5/18/02
    Rachel

    Mama to Abby (5) and Ethan (2)

    When you know better, you do better.
    -Maya Angelou

  3. #3
    jojo2324 Guest

    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Tammy, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. Know that all of us here will support you 100% through everything. If there is anything that we can do, e-mail us, we can exchange numbers and offer shoulders whenever you need them.

    I wish there was something more I could do. I don't realize sometimes how much I've grown to truly care for everyone here. I was holding back tears reading your post...I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

  4. #4
    mama2be Guest

    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Tammy,

    I just typed you a long note and pressed a button and lost it...today as I was emailing you I was thrilled that deployemnt did not seem to be a concern for you guys and didn't want to mention it but msut say I wondered if you'd be effected.

    You have to be assured that all of us will be here for you, I am with Rachel in that I wish I could be there to help you with all of your best laid plans. We are due within days of eachother and you are more than welcome to pack your bags and come stay with us if that would help you...we have joked that our plans are similiar so I can hook you up out here and we'll go thru it together... we've got the room.

    I know words can not help right now...you have my email and I think I supplied you my number, please do not hesitate to contact me. Our thoughts are with you and Evan...your baby has a hero for a father that is for sure!!!...and a hero of a mom too...

  5. #5
    KathyO Guest

    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    I'm so sorry - I wish I knew something better to say than that. Don't apologize for your sadness - you've lost something, and it was very very important to both of you. When you're ready, build a new vision of DH's face when you introduce him to his beautiful, healthy son or daughter, and hold tight to that. My thoughts are with you.

    Best,

    KathyO

  6. #6
    nohomama Guest

    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Tammy,

    I can't even imagine what it must be like to face what you're going through right now. I am so sorry. Enjoy the holidays and the time you have together before your husbands deployment. Your birth will not be what you originally envisioned, but you will manifest another vision that will be beautiful nonetheless. Meanwhile, I will envision a lasting peace in this world and your husband's speedy and safe return home.

    Take care,

  7. #7
    Shirale Guest

    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Oh boy,
    My heart is really breaking for you. I dont even know what to say because nothing will really help you...I wish there was something any of us could do....just know that you and your husband are in our thoughts and prayers and that your baby is so lucky to be coming into such a wonderful family, with such loving parents. Even if your husband will not be there physically to help you give birth, he will be there to raise his child. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do....all the best,


  8. #8
    twins r fun Guest

    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    I too cried when I read your post. I truly cannot imagine what this must be like for you. You must be a very strong person to have already dealt with the other separations-you will get through this too and you will find a way to make it special for you and your husband. But it really does SUCK. I will be thinking of you and like everyone else said post or email if you need anything.

    Nicole

  9. #9
    etwahl is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Everyone, thank you for your support. I cried for two days straight, and now I am feeling a little bit better. We're trying to figure out what we need to do before he leaves (there are always so many things). I'm just trying to deal with it as best as I can. I've asked one of my good friends if she can step in to take DH's place as my birth coach. Of course, I realize this is a big commitment, as it would require her to take off a bit of time from work, and also to be available at the drop of a dime. She is a nurse though, and very supportive. I'm lucky to have her. Amazingly, her DH is leaving for his normal scheduled six month deployment Jan. 6. This is their second deployment, but they've known about it for over a year, so it's not quite so bad.

    I realize that I have to be strong for our baby -- e.g. continue to take care of myself, eating properly, and taking it easy. I am one of those people that has a VERY hard time asking for help. I usually just do everything myself when DH isn't around, but I know this is one of those times when I have to ask and accept help from others.

    I also know I will have a million questions as the time comes closer and after the baby is born for all of you, so I thank you all in advance for your support and help in trying to learn things as I go. It's nice to have a support group like this. DH read all the posts and said he was happy I had such a wonderful group of women as a support system. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Tammy,
    Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

  10. #10
    kathsmom is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Default RE: Sad news - DH is going to Iraq.

    Tammy,

    I feel so badly for you. I know this is a difficult time for both you and your husband, but at least you know that you need to keep yourself healthy for yourself, as well as your baby. I know there is nothing that I can say at this time to make you feel better, except that you are in our thoughts and if there is anything any of us can do, please let us know!

    I hope things go well for you as you adjust your plans and prepare for the arrival of your little one.

    Toni - mom to Katherine (5/19/96) and Andrew (9/23/02)

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