RE: MIL visiting after birth - suggestions?
My MIL is very similar, wonderful, but controlling.
In a word: "project". Give her something to do! If you let her invent something to do, it may not be what you want. Have a LONG list of things that you want her to do when she comes. My MIL's projects were to paint the nursery (she was an art teacher in public school for many years) and to cook and have meals frozen for us when she left. She also basically took care fo the house while I took care of the baby. In general, this worked for us. There were a few comments she made, but nothing I couldn't handle.
Also, there are some good books on being a grandparent, that in retrospect I wish I had gotten for her. I think this would have helped with some of the education of how things had changed in the 30 odd years since she had had an infant.
HTH,
Beth, mom to older DD (8/01) and younger DD (10/06) and always missing Leah (4/22 - 5/1/05)