Will DH do the right thing this time?

[elvisfan]

One thing my dh did not do with our first baby/delivery was to give me a thank you gift afterwards.I wasn't expecting diamonds, but a card or a rose would have been nice. Or a poem. It kind of marred the whole experience for me.
Now I'm expecting #2 and want to drop some hints, but I'd feel foolish.Like, why bother?if I ask to ask for the gift I might as well go out and get it for myself...
Well, thanks for letting me vent:)

[kathsmom]

I can really relate to what you are saying!! I had DD 2 days before our 2nd anniversary. I thought I would get a nice small gift, flowers, or a card. I got nothing. I complained to my mom about it (big mistake!!! She didn't let him forget it for awhile!). I did tell DH and he apologized a lot. He wasn't trying to be insensitive - he just didn't think about it.

I did tell him that with DS, he better have a gift to give me at the hospital or my mom would be very upset with him again! I even told him what I wanted - a sterling silver charm in a silhouette of a boy's head that I could have engraved with his name and birthday. I already have one for DD on my charm bracelet. He got it for me and I was very happy.

Anyway, he is a great husband and a wonderful father, and he has done some sweet and surprising things for me in the past. I know where you're coming from and I don't think you should feel foolish dropping hints. I know others may not agree, but I love getting gifts, even if I did have to hint for this one!!

HTH and good luck with everything! Remember, to always point out the "Diamonds Are Forever" commercials when they come on and tell him about the ring/earring/necklace/bracelets they are showing!! Maybe he'll get the hint!!

Sorry this is so long!

Toni - mom to Katherine (5/19/96) and Andrew (9/23/02)

[newbelly2002]

There's a great little section about that in the "Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy." I just left that section open on his pillow and asked him later the next day if he had had a chance to do any reading.

DH is wonderful, thoughtful and a great dad. He told me later that he was happy I did that only because he wouldn't have thought of that himself (and true to form forgot Mother's Day completely last year).

Paula

[flagger]

I am thinking of getting her a small pendant with all three of our birthstones in it. Our budget will not allow for diamonds at this time, and with me not working it is terribly hard to justify having her "pay" for a diamond for her. Then again my father always paid for his birthday and Christmas gifts as my mother was a stay at home mom.

[jojo2324]

Well, this year has been a complete bust for DH...I was given flowers after delivery, but nothing else. And like Paula, nothing for Mother's Day. He claims I was still pregnant and didn't qualify. My foot!!! :( I of course got him a (small) gift and a card for Father's Day. And then Valentine's Day we pretty much agreed to skip the festivities, but I still got him two cards, one from me and one from the baby. He was like "oh, I thought we said we weren't going to do anything..." Then he went out and got me flowers and a card.

It doesn't bother me so much because I am sure it just never crossed his mind. C'mon, this is a guy who can't remember to put the seat down at times! :D Perhaps next time I'll have to try Paula's technique. Hmmm...next time...

[Momof3Labs]

My DH didn't do this either - but it never even crossed my mind that he should have. His love and support through the entire pregnancy, the loooong labor and the almost five months that Colin has been home is the most priceless and precious gift that I could have received.

In my opinion, if him not doing this will mar the experience for you, then you need to tell him that. He just might not know that he is expected to do something.

[etwahl]

I'm probably in the minority in agreeing with Lori. I'm strange that way. I never expect gifts from DH, but (huge bonus) always get them at the most unexpected moments, so it's always a huge surprise. But I'm also one of those weird ones who doesn't even care all that much about my own birthday. But I do agree that sometimes what we think is totally appropriate or necessary is totally off the DH's radar screens. After all, we're not venus and mars for nothing :) :)

But definitely talk to him. We all have different personal and emotional needs, and there's not a darn thing wrong with that! You could say something like "mommy sure would like *gift* after this baby gets here! This has been one crazy ride..."

I know it may seem impersonal to have to suggest what you want, but I think eventually you will get your DH trained. They just aren't created the same as we are, but usually come around with a little experience. Good luck. I hope your labor experience is wonderful and that there are no hard feelings.

PS: You could also get him a "thank you" card before hand (like in your 8th month - it doesn't say how far along you are in your post). If I were doing the same thing, I'd envision saying thank you for putting up with me, thank you for being such a great support and husband, and thank you for being the father of our child." Some men respond to that type of thing more than subtle (or not so subtle) hints!

Edited to say: It's entirely possible that I don't care/worry about stuff like this BECAUSE my needs are met by DH. It's absolutely entirely reasonable that if he wasn't the way he was, I'd be feeling the exact same way you are right now. I just wanted you to know that and that I certainly do not discount how you feel at all! It seems perfectly reasonable to me :)

Tammy,
Mom-to-be Mar 8, 2003!

[Momof3Labs]

>Edited to say: It's entirely possible that I don't care/worry about >stuff like this BECAUSE my needs are met by DH. It's absolutely >entirely reasonable that if he wasn't the way he was, I'd be feeling >the exact same way you are right now. I just wanted you to know that >and that I certainly do not discount how you feel at all! It seems >perfectly reasonable to me

Same here!

[mama2be]

I too am with Tammy and Lori on this one. BUT I don't even for a second judge those who would want alittle something (I've had times where I was dissappointed by not getting something so can't judge that). I would agree that if it is going to scar your experience to either have a good male friend pull him aside or even a good female friend pull him aside and to hint to him.

I jsut think about Tammy and how she would do anything to have Evan with her and tht keeps me grounded as well...

I do have one friend who I know is going to ask (nose in the air), "what did Steve get you????"...and then proceed to talk about it forever...I'm prepared to casually start talking with my left hand and show her the rock he gave me when he proposed.

I think I feel this way because I have been out of work for 9 months and my hubby has worked hard to keep us in our home, fed, with cars that work, tires that are safe, and vet bills when our critters needed them...so I am in a different boat then most.

[mama2be]

That would be a huge gift!!!!

For those that don't know, Lori (MOMOF3LABS) rescues senior pups (about 12 and older) and has a hubby that shares her passion...I have a DEAR hubby that entertains my passion...but her hubby actually encourages hers...and the "under dogs" at that. That's not the easy road choosing to save the older, more sickly, more costly pups...and to know that they won't be with you as long...

WOW...He is a keeper gifts or no gifts....:)
I admire the two of you so much!!!!