I need to complain... (This is not going to be short...)

[nitaghei]

Candy,
I am so sorry- you really are having a rough time. Counselling sounds like a great idea. It could help you, even if you went by yourself, if your husband resists the idea. Just speaking from my own experience - I found it very helpful. And , after a while, DH joined in (we were trying to cope with multiple stressors, including my chronic illness, which was really hard on him).

Good luck - and hope things improve.

Nita

[Rachels]

I'm sorry! I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I think that life is hard, and that there are times when we can all use extra support. This sounds like one of those times. I've been there myself. We all need help sometimes, and that's normal, too. I definitely didn't mean to suggest that there's any shame in that. It's not meant to be a negative appraisal-- just a suggestion that when your life is under such strain, it's worth considering letting somebody help you bear the weight of your burdens and even figure out how to lighten them.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[candybomiller]

Oh, Rachel, I didn't take it negatively! Well, kind of, but as my mom would say, "sometimes honesty hurts." My feelings weren't hurt. It's stuff that I need to hear, and I thank you for telling me what you think. Please don't take my reply the wrong way! I really appreciate what you said and the fact that you took the time to reply at all.

Candy
Mom to Matt, 5/22/02

Edited to spell correctly. Oy!

[dogmom]

Candy,

I've had friends who have gone to support grief support groups and found them very helpful. They usually go in addition to private counseling and continue in the support group long after counseling ends. They find it helpful because the grief goes on for years, although it changes at time goes by. They find it helpful to be with others who realize you just don't "get over it." I met a mother/daughter pair once who talked on the phone several times a day and were very close like you and your mom. When her mom died she was just lost. She found a support group which helped her a lot. One older gentleman who had lost his wife decided to "adopt" her. He called her ever night before she went to bed, because she had missed the phone calls from her mom so much. She said it didn't replace her mom, but it did help her get through the day.

If you are interested a local hospital's social work department usually has a list. Many of them are hosted by churches, so you can call around places of worship in your area.

Jeanne

[Annette_C]

Candy,
I just saw this post and wanted to say that I'm sorry about your tragic loss and what you're going through.
Like others have said, no one can blame you for feeling sad and missing your mom. The scars from a sudden loss of a dear one take a long time to heal....it did for me.
I lost my first husband suddenly (he was a healthy and strong man,)six years ago. I watched him die in front of my eyes and felt so helpless...I was always the one to "solve" all the problems in our home/family and he trusted me. Although it wasn't my fault, I felt I let him down because I couldn't help him nor save him. I lost him in a matter of ten hours...that's how quick it was.
The first year I spent it being in denial. I kept thinking he was away for a while and would eventually come back. I kept all his clothes, shoes, even his wallet just like he left it.
The second, I had to face the truth and was having nightmares, etc.
The third, I began to heal and after that, it got a little better and better every year.
The pain gets better but you never forget. And that's a good thing because we want to cherish the moments we had together with our loved ones who passed on so that they can continue to live forever in our hearts.
I'm sorry about my long reply....I just wanted you to know that I understand and feel for you.
You're in my thoughts and prayers,

Annette
SAHM to Sabrina 6/24/02