I need to complain... (This is not going to be short...)

[flagger]

>I do have to admit that I haven't been as diligent at taking the
>pill as I should be....

Candy I am not going to judge you, but that statement worries me just a little bit. Please do not let your anger at your husband over his decision make you do something out of spite.

Talking about your feelings is the first step while you grieve, and I am sorry for your loss and the situation with your DH.

[candybomiller]

Thank you for not judging. I made that statement slightly tongue and cheek. I guess my sense of humor is off and my jokes aren't quite what they used to be. Go figure! :) I'm not a spiteful person (most of the time) and I would never do anything to jeopardize my marriage (I'm not that far gone). So, thanks for worrying, but it's all for naught.

As an aside, it wouldn't matter anyway. I'm not on the pill for birth control purposes, but to help regulate my hormones. :) Guess that's not working so well either!

Candy
Mommy to Matthew Nicholas, 5/22/02

[candybomiller]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and shoulders to cry on. I'm doing a little bit better today. I think yesterday was just a bad day for me in general (should see the pile of empty chocolate wrappers on my counter). It's comforting to know that I'm really not all alone. I'm getting all emotional.

I don't think that it's possible for you to know how much it means to me that I'm not all alone. It's kind of like being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or some other way over-used cliche. :)

Candy
Mommy to Matthew Nicholas, 5/22/02

[sntm]

Candy,
I can empathize with some of what you are going through. I've had a history of depression with 2 major episodes and remember the feeling of not being able to function to do anything. Feel free to email if you just need to unload. Having supportive people around you can make such a difference. I am so sad to hear about your loss of your mom, too. I have a really close relationship with mine and can see how that would make everything that much harder.

Also, if you've been on the meds for longer than 2 months, talk to your doc -- he or she may want to switch you to another or change the doseage. They can be really helpful. Don't give up! We are here for you!

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03

[mharling]

I'm glad to hear that you feel a little bit better. Chocolate can never hurt and is your friend!! I know you have a long road ahead of you (Ok, sorry, another cliche) and each tomorrow won't necessarily be better than today. Stay focused on the journey as a whole and know that you can get through this (I think you already know that, which is great!). We are all here whenever you need to vent and cry or share progress and joy!

Mary
EDD 4/5/03

[candybomiller]

Shannon,

Thanks for your message. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who's gone through depression. It's almost annoying because up until the past 6 months, I didn't really have anything to be depressed about. It made me feel like I wasn't appreciative of the things I had (which definitely isn't true) because I wasn't 100% happy. Now I know that being grateful for things in my life doesn't have anything to do with being depressed.

Candy
Mommy to Matt, 5/22/02

[celfsh]

Candy,

I wish I could have responded to your post sooner. I am so sorry that you are going through so many difficult things at once--I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. I wish there were something I could do to make you feel better. Please know that we are all here for you.

celeste
mom to olivia 9/25/02
http://homepage.mac.com/the_big_fish

[Shirale]

Candy,
I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. What a nightmarish year you have had- I think I would be shocked if you were NOT depressed. No matter how much you love your husband, no one can ever ever replace your mother, and you are so lucky that you were close with her. I am so, so terribly sorry for your tragic loss. You are a strong and special woman, and I greatly admire your courage. I only wish there was something I could do...but please- always feel free to complain, etc- that is what friends are for!

[Rachels]

FWIW, Candy, this doesn't sound like depression to my psychologist ears-- it sounds like grief. Grief is awful and numbing and excruciating, but normal. I just hate to see you pathologize yourself for this when I think ANYBODY would feel the way you feel in similar circumstances.

Have you and your husband thought about counseling at all? The vasectomy against your wishes and the iffy birth control make me curious about whether you could use some support in figuring out better ways to communicate with each other. I worry that you're both setting yourself up for some really damaging resentment later on.

I'm so sorry you're going through such a sad and difficult time.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[candybomiller]

Rachel,

I have thought about marriage counseling, but my husband is against it. He had some bad experiences when he was younger and his mother died. I guess his dad made him go to counseling and he didn't really get much out of it. I can't really see the point in going to counseling if he's resistant to it.

We could definitely use better methods in communicating. :) That seems like a no-brainer, doesn't it?! Honestly, for the most part, we do pretty well, but these past couple of months have been pretty rough.

It's really hard to hear an outsiders opinion/assessment of our relationship, especially when it's not 100% positive. I find myself getting defensive, thinking "well, it's not EXACTLY like that..." :) I know that I have some issues (gee, you think?) and I think I'll talk to DH about going to counseling.

Thank you for your post. It's good to get a professional (FREE!) :) opinion that I'm (fairly) normal.

Candy
Mom to Matt, 5/22/02