MIL blues

[Eilly]

MIL arriving tomorrow for two weeks. She is 83 and rather frail so won't be able to help out much with 9 month old DS. Trouble is she has very firm ideas about how babies should be raised and enjoys pontificating about these at EVERY opportunity. DH will of course be at work all day so I'm wondering how I am going to survive the visit. We don't see that much of her as she lives in Europe but did spend 4 days with her in London a couple of months ago which were VERY stressful. She doesn't like me nursing and says things like "isn't he about to have his dinner, you're just ruining his appetite." Also comes out with things like "now you have a nice healthy son you mustn't have any more children as you're too old!!!" (I'm 38) and "I see you haven't got your figure back yet." I bite my lip and try to be polite and accommodating to her but am not sure how well I'll be able to do this over a two week period -- my son is quite demanding and it's tiring enough looking after him without bringing this extra stress into the mix. The other thing is DS has always been a terrible sleeper and right now only naps if I lie down with him. MIL will be absolutely HORRIFIED by this and I'll never hear the end of it. But it's either that or not have him sleep at all in which case he'll be cranky all day.

How am I going to get through this? All words of wisdom appreciated. It's only two weeks so I should try to keep the peace...but...

[Momof3Labs]

You need to talk to your DH and have him set limits with her - she is HIS mother, after all!

[Marisa6826]

Oh God! I'm so sorry!

Maybe you can say your house is being fumigated and you suggest a hotel instead?!

I would start stocking up on the tequila and valium now...

Just remember we're all here for you to rant and rave!

Chin up and hugs!!

-m

[KathyO]

Don't explain that DS needs you to lie down with him... just say that you and DS are going to have a rest. "You know what they say... sleep when the baby sleeps!" And then let whatever comments she passes bounce off of your retreating back. Keep a trashy novel or two stashed under your pillow.

And go for lots of solo walks - "Working on getting my figure back, you know!" I've clocked LOTS of miles on visits with MIL. Stop somewhere and have a nice therapeutic coffee... sit in the park...

Lead with the baby... that is to say, do everything you can to get her focused on the baby, and not on you. Ask her what DH was like at that age. Get her to hold him. Arrange a few low-impact games. Make a big show of taking pictures of them together in various locations. It diverts her from picking over YOU, and you will entertain fewer fantasies of murder when she's cooing and burbling at your beloved firstborn.

As for the rest - just imagine yourself as a duck, with water rolling off its back. Think about what nice reward you're going to arrange for yourself when MIL gets back on that plane. A facial? A movie rental night with a couple of girlfriends? A romantic dinner with DH while the babysitter minds DS? Let your mind wander...

You have all my sympathies! Hang in there, you can do it!

Cheers,

KathyO

[Eilly]

Thanks for these much needed words of comfort. All GREAT ideas. You'll probably be hearing from me again though over the next couple of weeks!! Nice to know there are some sympathetic listeners out there in cyberspace!

[Vajrastorm]

Ok, this isn't really advice ....

but have you considered runing away from home?

A two week home invasion! Eeps.

Good luck. Some of the others have given some great advice, but man I'd be considering hitchhiking across the country ;)

[Eilly]

I do like the hitching cross country suggestion. Phew! Survived day one. MIL safely tucked up in bed. Not too bad today but I reckon it's the calm before the storm. Off to bed to recharge the batteries for whatever tomorrow brings!

[lukkykatt]

Good for you! One day down, 13 to go. Just take it one day at a time. If she starts giving you unwanted advice or criticism, just act surprised and say "Oh, really? No, the doctors don't agree with that anymore".

If necessary, you can always run out of the house for a forgotten "doctor's appt". Good luck!