Just let me vent about this stupid wedding that I'm in. . .

[MartiesMom2B]

OK I know that when I was a bride I didn't know anything about being a Mom. My SIL brought my 4 month old nephew to mine and I didn't complain and I was very accomodating. At least I think I was.

So I'm in my college roommate's wedding 4th of July wedding in Atlanta. I tried to get out of it last winter when she A) Didn't have a definitive date B) Hadn't picked out a dress yet (I was 5 months preggers at the time). I told her I couldn't afford it with the baby and me staying at home (I figured that she'd understand b/c she backed out of my wedding due to wedding costs and I had NO problem with that). So she said that she really wanted me in the wedding and would let me stay at her house and pay for the dress, and I agreed. Well now I have to come up with a hotel. Hotels are not cheap in Atlanta! This sucks all the way around.

The dress is huge on me. I might as well have bought it with all the alteration costs. It's a halter top so my whole top will be exposed if we do nurse at the reception (I'm bringing my pashmina shawl with me).

We have to drive 6 hours with a nursing baby and then she wants me to hang out w/ her in the hair salon the day of her wedding. I tried to explain to her very nicely that if I was to stay all day away from the baby that my boobs would explode and that I would like to spend all morning with my family so that I could concentrate on her during her wedding and not have to worry about pictures, etc.

When I said yes that I'd be in her wedding, Martie wasn't even a twinkle in my eye and I was fully employed. Whhhyyy did I say yes. Why can't she be more female friendly have have other girlfriends. Why didn't she just elope.

ARRRGH. Thanks for letting me vent. Now to break the bad news to DH.


Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[Marisa6826]

Sonia-

Sorry you're having such a tough time of it with this friend of yours. I think she may have more issues than just being Bridezilla - especially if she ducked your wedding and didn't take the hints you dropped.

I know that I was a "bit" highstrung the days before my wedding, but I would just be honest with her.

Did she make any group rate plans for other wedding guests at area hotels? It's a really tough weekend to find and try something cheap. If she's a true friend, she would understand that what you will end up paying for the lodging will be your gift to her. I don't think there's any other way around it...

Realistically, if I was in your situation, I would explain that as much I would like to spend time getting ready with her, it's simply not possible. Emphasize that you are really aiming to have an enjoyable time at the ceremony and reception (enjoyable for EVERYBODY involved) and that you can only do that if you're not obsessing over when Martie needs to be fed.

If push comes to shove, just do what you have to do. She will someday understand when she has a little one of her own.

I had a few issues with one of my bridesmaids. We didn't talk for about a year. Nothing was actually "said" between the two of us - everything was just kind of inferred. We are "back together" again and the fact that we didn't speak for a really long time has never come up (kind of odd, since we used to speak three or four times a week).

Keep us posted on what happens!

Hugs

-m

[blissful mom]

Wow, Sonia, I'd file this one away under "of all the nerve". If she really wants you in her wedding, she's going to have to accomodate. I'd be very frank with her about it. Why did she back out of letting you crash at her place? Hotels ARE expensive in Atlanta.

When I married, my matron of honour had a 2 yo and a 5 yo. I understood that she had to take care of them, and couldn't be with me every single minute. It turned out fine. And you definitely need to be with your Martie.

Oy, the gall of some people! Good luck, Sonia, I hope you can work things out! Has she just never been around pregnant women or new mothers at all?

Let us know how it goes...

[Rachels]

I agree. Your baby is your first priority. I think it's okay to say, "Listen, I want to do all that stuff, but I'm nursing. I have a baby. My life isn't the same as it was when I was childless, and I have to accommodate that. I'd appreciate your support."

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[brubeck]

I agree that she's being totally insensitive. She obviously has no idea of the demands of taking care of a baby, especially if you are nursing!

If you aren't too picky WHERE your hotel is in Atlanta, try Priceline. Say that you want a 3 star hotel (ie: a Hilton or Sheraton) and give a lowball price ($50?). You might get lucky. It's happened for me before. The only problem is that you get no say as to where it is in the city, and they charge your credit card the moment your bid gets accepted, so there's no backing out. But I have saved some serious money this way.

[MartiesMom2B]

Well we've worked out our lodging. She's going to let us stay with her the night before the wedding and then we are going to leave the wedding early and drive to Columbia SC and stay with a good friend.

Thanks for your tips and your support. I'll let you know how the wedding goes after it all goes down. Hopefully she'll understand when I can't do everything she wants because I need to put Martie first.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[blissful mom]

Sonia, you rock!
You are being tactful and standing your ground. I am way impressed. I hope everything goes well. Weddings are so stressful on everyone involved. I'll be thinking of you as we bar-b-q this 4th! You sound like a wonderful mommy.

Donna

[mama2be]

I hope I don't get blasted here (but I know you personally so feel like I can say this)...but I've read your post several times and i'm not seeing anywhere where it justifies a disagreement with the bride and am wondering if I missed soemthing. You do say she offered you her place to stay and that "now" you need to find lodging but I didn't notice what her explanation is for the change-I suspect that is what I am missing...

Also you metnioned that she wants you to hang out with her all day but that you explained nicely that your boobs would explode but you didn't go further to say she got mad or anything or didn't understand-so was that the case???.

My take is differnt than all of the other gal's here so please note this is just my 2 cents. Before I had children or even got on these boards I would have never ever known about boobs getting ready to explode etc...so I think a friendly (if she is truely a good friend) education on the subject would be nice to her and she would understand I am certain.

My Tristan means the universe to me but my friends mean the world to me and I cherish my friendships dearly I can't even express how dear my girlfirends are to me...to be in ones wedding is such a huge event and to celebrate and stand beside them is such an honor. NOW if one can not afford to do so I absolutely feel they should be honest and take on a differnt supporative role (but sounds like she has paid for your dress)...WE hope our friends get married once and I would do my best to help her. I am not saying go and get her hair done with her but I guess I suggest not to make any harsh comments and to tread lightly.

People don't forget coversations right before their wedding... and for some odd reasons weddings, babies and funerals seem to bring on a lot of broken relationships and it is so sad to see...

Just my 2 cents honey...take it as it is...but I would KINDLY break any news to her if you can't do it...and tread lightly weddings are big days :)!!! I say this assuming your firendship is a dear one...

[MartiesMom2B]

Oh Neve, it's great to have a friend like you.

Everything I've said to her has been very polite. It's justthe way I am. I just had to vent my feelings to not get mad at her. This is my college roommate.

I think as I said before that I explained to her that I couldn't afford to be in her wedding when she told me when her date was due to me staying at home. I thought out of all my friends she would understand, due to the fact that she couldn't attend my wedding due to the cost of travel, dress, etc. When I explained this to her she stated that we could stay with her and she would pay for the dress therefore after talking to Mike I agreed that we could go. She recently asked me if we could get a hotel room b/c her and her husband are going to have a party at their house after the reception and have decided to not get a hotel. Which I can respect, but now this is another expense that I did not anticipate and the hotels that we looked up that are in her area of Atlanta are very expensive. Fortunately we can go over to Columbia the night of the wedding and she has asked me to keep her company and stay with her the night before the wedding (which I found out after I initially posted this). She still would like me to go to the salon at 9:00 in the morning and stay with her for her day. The reception is at 5:00. So when you factor in pictures I probably won't be able to get to Martie until 5:30. That's a lot of time to stay away from a baby when you are nursing. One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to leak all over. I'm trying to stand my ground and to stay with Martie as much as possible so I can give her all of my attention so she can have the best wedding during her actual wedding. I will be spending the whole day and night with her before the wedding date so I would think that she would be fine with me not spending the morning with her.

Sorry this is very long. But to summarize I am trying very carefully to tread lightly while keeping my family first. I'm sure when she becomes a mom she'll do the same. Thanks for your advice!!


Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03
http://www.mcdyer.com/MartieSurasky.htm

[mama2be]

UHG (how do you spell UGH????)....

Sounds like she's not taking the hint doesn't it??? That is a hard place to be in...are other firends in the wedding mutual frineds where they can entertain her at the salon...

that does sound impossible to be doing that all day and then to be totally there for the wedding and reception...that is along day away from a baby that literally needs you for feeding. I think you need to educate her on the nursing thing and tell her your concerns.

It does sound like she adores you :)...did my seamstress help at all with the dress???