I just want to scream at

[mama2be]

Edited to say I have not read the others post...but just wanted to add this :)...

Flagger I am such a beleiver in doing what works for you and as you know I respect anyones parenting styles, and you look like you are doing everything perfectly so this is not to say change by any stretch of the imagination-I'm just typing :).... "They" don't really seem to know what causes SIDS and of course this is the new movement...i chose to listen but as of late Tristan does like being on his side more than his back. It is of course a very small chance but I have worked first hand and seen more than my share of babies death from SIDS (and incorrect car seat isntallation) and there is nothing more devastating where if "they" told me to run circles around a Tee Pee pow wowing I think I'd do it :)...
I cringe at so many things based on that experience, infact just yesterday we saw plastic rings where the "jewel" is candy and I remember a daddy sporting one with his older kids...he put it in his babies mouth and the baby sucked it so hard that it choked the child...and of course the result was awful...I guess I have had some awful exposure to things where I advocate some things that are very different than others...

But that's just me...having worked at a huge trauma center I can say there is nothing that effected me more than seeing young children who died and though to the public that seems far and few between but to folks in that setting it seems common..sadly...

[flagger]

Again, there is NO guarantee that SIDS is eliminated by back sleeping. The only research indicates that there is a less occurence of it for back sleeping than tummy sleeping, not that it was eliminated 100% of the time.

The risk for our situation and lifestyle are so small that is a gamble we are willing to take. As I said before, we believe that when someone's number gets punched for whatever reason in this instance there isn't anything we can do about it.

I just find it odd of many bitch and moan posts in here about various subjects I have never once seen someone say "You know your MIL is right".

We will just have to agree to disagree and if tummy sleeping offends anyone probably looking at what will be new pictures on her website might bother some. There is nothing more peaceful and cute than a baby with his or her butt in the air!

[Rachels]

People are being pretty diplomatic and I appreciate that, but I suspect you know this is an inflammatory post. I think you're asking a lot to say we should all just agree to disagree when you're talking about blatant safety risks. The likelihood that Cocoa's "number will be up" increases if you deliberately make a choice that puts her in harm's way.

Just to put another spin on this, I imagine that the people who have sent you the SIDS stuff have done so because they care for you and for Cocoa. You're a very new parent. It's early to make such a rock-solid decision about what works best for you, especially when it has to do with something that could compromise your child's well-being. Yes, there are times it makes sense to let babies sleep on their bellies. And I know how precious sleep is for infants and their parents. But you're new at this. You can't have tried all the options yet. And personally, I can't really understand why you would prioritize sleep over something that gives her a greater chance of continuing to breathe all night long.

Very few things have a 100% truth to them. 100% of people who smoke don't die of cancer, and 100% of people who use cocaine don't have heart attacks, but it's still injudicious to do those things. A 40% increase in the survival of babies is pretty huge.

You have the right to make this choice, but it's expecting a lot to think that people will just smile and give their approval. But like I said, I think you know that already.


Edited to add: please be careful with your use of the term "nazi." That's a group of people who slaughtered millions of innocents, not a group of people who are concerned with the safety of our littlest children.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[flagger]

Well excuse me.

Said by the description of this forum:

Sound off about baby
products, web sites, and
whatever is bothering you!

It was not to get approval, it was not to inflame. It was to rant.

In our humble opinion, 90% of the time parental intuition is the right thing to do for their situation. There are so many other factors and risks in SIDS research that we don't even come close to falling in line with.

We have learned that her being overtired does not make for a happy baby. Again, there is no incidence of SIDS in our family history, we both slept on our tummies and survived. I disagree that this issue is a "blatant safety risk". To us a blatant safety risk would be if we posted we didn't use a car seat, or used a crib with lead based paint. We do use one and we have a new crib, BTW.

[memedee]

I hear all the time"In my day we didn't have safety gates and car seats etc etc and we lived to tell the tale".
Those are the lucky ones that lived to tell the tale.
The unlucky ones can't speak.
I personally would not make a choice for my children based on the fact that I survived.
No judgement ,just my humble opinion

[Rachels]

I know that. It's clear you love her dearly, too. And I certainly understand ranting. I've done my share of it. I do think this is a hot topic. I'm sorry it bothers you so greatly to hear another side to the tummy-sleeping thing, though.

And, FWIW, I TOTALLY agree with you about the adorableness of a baby tush in the air!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[emilyr]

A coworkers wife and I were just discussing the other day how their new daughter slept better on her tummy but they were afraid to let her sleep that way. I have had other friends who's babies slept much better on their tummies so that is the way they went. I always put Ashton on his back but he slept fine that way. Anyway, back to the original thought.... my coworker's wife (they are both nurses) had read in a journal that Canada had done a study that SIDS had been reduced by delaying any vaccinations until babies were one year. So, to me this only reinforces the fact that we still don't know what exactly causes SIDS and that there is no 100% solution.

I personally feel that putting babies on their back reduces the risk especially for those babies that were lying on beds with fluffy bedding and quilts, pillow, etc. However, I know that parents can do everything "right" and still something can happen (I worked near an ER and responded to a SIDS "code blue").

Let me edit to say that the smiley icon IS NOT supposed to be there!!!! (I see it in the post but not when I'm typing)

This is a very volatile subject but I completely understand your frustration with "they" that think their way is best for YOUR child and situation. My mother is still baffled at how it was "safer" for me to put my child on his back when he spit up so frequently and could choke on his own spit up!

It is obvious to all of us that you love Cocoa very much and as parents we all want the best for our children. In most instances we have to go with our gut feeling and what feels right in our hearts. In a few years (or sooner) they will discover something else that we are currently doing wrong and putting our babies at risk! We just have to pray that what we do works and our babies grow up happy and healthy in the environment we provide for them.

Sorry this is long...

Emily

[carolcarpenter]

Wow...

I am expecting in 2 weeks. If someone told me that the risk of SIDS was only ONE percent lower when the baby is on his back, I would put him on his back. I wouldn't care how much fuss he made.
I could NEVER live with myself if I ignored a risk and something happened.
And I would certainly never refer to my baby dying as his "number getting punched."

Neither of the points:
--previous generation slept on their stomachs and lived
--no family history of SIDS
are at all logical.

A baby's safety is not a thing you can make an EMOTIONAL decision about. I am shocked that someone would defend a practice contrary to all available scientific evidence by saying "everyone needs to do what works for them."

One thing flagger didn't mention is if they are using a baby monitor, especially the kind that can detect lack of breathing. This may be a factor in the flaggers feeling more confident about the risk of SIDS.
I'm curious to know if this is the case.

[flagger]

No we are not using any type of baby breathing monitoring device. We have a video monitor, but don't turn on the TV all the time. Again, the available evidence does not say that the risk of SIDS is 100% reduced. There are babies sadly the pass on from SIDS who were put to sleep on their back, lived in a smoke free house, were not children of Native or African Americans, who were breastfed, etc. We feel that it if is going to happen it will no matter if the baby sleeps on their back or on their tummy.

Secondly, there are several risk factors involved. One of those is a family history of SIDS.

We personally believe that death is a transformation from one life to the next. Our faith tells us when someone is called home it is a result of pre-destination. We will never go through life thinking "if only". I stopped dwelling on The Road Not Taken years and years ago. There are events in life that about which we cannot comprehend or understand the reasoning. Perhaps after our own transformation will those events become clear.

Each generation takes the available information and does what works for them. Now I am off to worry about things I can control thanks for letting me vent.

[small]Wonders how to torment Cocoa's future suitors....muhahahhahaha[/small]

[ddmarsh]

I find your basic premise to be an unfortunate misinterpretation of the facts on several levels. First, the argument that you and DW survived is not a valid one because it is such a small sample of the data. The point is that there were many, many children who did not survive, how fortunate that you and DW did. Second, the facts on SIDS do *not* state that it is primarily due to the risk factors that you outline. The facts state that placing babies on their stomachs is the primary risk factor with some additional factors playing somewhat of a role. While at first glance this distinction may appear to be a fine I believe giving thought to the distinction between these two interpretations shows that they are vastly different interpretations of the facts.

I have been a parent for 11 years. When DS#1 was born babies slept on their stomachs, it simply was not an issue. By the time DS#2 was born 24 months later the change had begun. I never for once thought it was acceptable to continue placing my babies on their stomachs because DS#1 survived. Quite the contrary, I felt fortunate that he had been ok and thrilled to know that there was more data on which to base my actions with my children.

There will be many areas in parenting for you to make subjective decisions based on what is best for you particular family unit. You will have to decide how much television your DD will watch, what types of activities she will participate in, where she will go to school, etc. Child safety in general and this issue in particular is simply not a subjective area. I personally feel that one can never approach parenting with too much humility, it is a vast every-changing, ever-challenging job that requires us to continually learn, grow and develop our skills and information. I've no doubt that you love your daughter and hope that you will make decisions for her based not only on your love for her but on the facts as well.

Best wishes -
Debbie