MIL thinks we are spoiling 7 1/2 month DD

[lisams]

My MIL has been pretty supportive of our parenting style, with the exception of a few things. First it was, "Is she STILL sleeping in your room?" which we hear every week. I mean really, if we're happy with it what does she care.

So last night they came over at 7 (an hour before her bedtime). DD was pretty good until about 7:30. She started fussing and so DH handed her a toy. She kept fussing (by this time, she's just plain tired) so DH picked her up and started swaying her. My MIL makes a comment that she's "Not going to always get what she wants, you know?" I didn't know what to say. I was so mad that I just acted like I didn't hear it. She's made comments about spoiling her before, and that babies need to cry, and that her children cried and turned out just fine and on and on. Our parenting style is not one to let her just sit there and cry. We also don't give her everything she wants, but we always respond to her cries which bothers MIL.

What would you say? I don't want to go into the whole shpeel about our parenting style, just something simple that says "back off" in a gentle way. Any ideas?

Thanks!!
Lisa

[AngelaS]

"This works for us". :D Or to her silly suggestions, we say, "Oh that's an idea" and inside think, "Like he!! I will...."

[Melanie]

Ignoring seems like a good idea. How did it work?

If you'd prefer take the bull by the horns, so to speak, I would say something like, "I am sure you have her best interests in mind, but that is not how WE parent."

You could go on with all the details as to why your way is best..blah..blah..blah...but I'm sure that'd just get the "well my kids turned out fine response."

If you want to really want to make a point, you could say, "if our parenting style bothers you so much, then perhaps you should visit less." }>

[lisams]

I love it!! I could only imagine the look on her face if I told her they should visit less. :-)

When I ignored her it worked for the time, but I'm just getting sick of hearing it.

I like the "That's how we parent." We're going over tonight for a BBQ, so I'm arming myself with comebacks!!!!! If she dare make any sassy remarks in front of everyone, she'll be sorry :-)

Thanks!
Lisa

[zen_bliss]

hee hee, i like that last one about not coming around so often. sometimes ignoring doesn't work, and you just want to say "ya know, i heard you the first time, and i was doing you a favor by not responding to it. parenting decisions are ours to make, and when we want your advice we'll ask for it." heh heh. that would make for some fun subsequent family gatherings :)

i like going with your true feelings "it's working for us and we're happy" and just gritting your teeth while thinking, "...so what do you care?" or what about gently mentioning that ideas about parenting now are somewhat different from when MIL raised kids and that she sure raised great kids, but you'd appreciate it if she'd quietly respect your decisions, even if it isn't exactly how she'd do things.

[candybomiller]

Lisa,

You could always try something like "you know, a lot of research has been done since you raised your kids.... for now we're going to listen to the pros."

Just a thought. :)

Candy
Mommyt o Matt
5/22/02

[memedee]

Whenever I am with my dd and her ds people, friends and others are always saying let him cry it is good for them or it is good for his lungs blah blah .
I always say if you feel that way you should DEFINITELY let your baby,or grandbaby cry and then I do whatever I was doing holding or swinging or whatever.
It catches them off guard.
You should tell your MIL that if she has another baby she should definitely let them cry since she feels so strongly about it.She should get the picture since I am assuming she is not having a baby in this lifetime.

[memedee]

Also Tell her that it is the privelege of every generation to make their own choices or mistakes however she wants to look at it.

[lisams]

Hee-hee!! I couldn't stop laughing at "If she has another baby..." Thanks for the suggestions! I don't think she could have a comeback for those ;-)

Lisa

[ginalc]

What works best for me is to just leave the room. If we're away from home, we just pack our things and go home, if they're at our house, I take the baby and head into the bedroom and let DH deal with the comments! It's HIS side of the family, after all. :)

I also make it clear how long we are staying before we leave the house. i.e. "We're staying for lunch, then an hour and we're out of there!" I always pack my stroller and a sling for quick walks outside, no matter what the weather. I've taken the little ones out in the rain, snow, summer heat, you name it. I just offer "We love to go out for walks and get some fresh air!" as an explanation.

For me, it got more difficult when the baby got older and was into everything. DH's folks' house is far from kid-proof and it's very difficult to control those busy hands all the time. That "fresh air" gets more and more important as the visits get longer.....

gina, mom to 3