My Psycho Mother from Hell and Why We Didn't Go to LA (LONG! REALLY LONG!)

[Marisa6826]

Well. Here's the update to the story. They didn't end up sending Jonathan so we didn't go to LA. I had already paid for my mother's ticket, so she came up from Florida - supposedly from Thursday to Monday.

Of course she MISSED her flight because she decided it simply wasn't necessary to be at the airport an hour before departure. I was able to get her on the next flight up. Which, of course, landed in La Guardia smack dab in the middle of rush hour at 5:30pm. For those of you that aren't familiar with NYC, La Guardia is in Queens. I have to cross midtown NYC, go through a tunnel, take two more highways which are UNDER CONSTRUCTION to get to the airport. And her plane got in early. That was the GOOD part of her visit.

Right away she started in about how I need to lose weight and should wear a girdle. Yes, a girdle. I'm 32, it's 90 degrees outside, I've got a seven month old and I should be wearing a girdle.

She sat in the backseat to feed Sophie (who I had to WAKE UP from a nap to make it to the airport in time), and pestered her so much she cried and cried. I kept telling her to leave Sophie alone, she needed to go back to sleep. Everytime Sophie would cover her eyes, my mother started pulling on her feet and hands to play with her. ARGH! At this point we're only back in NYC. She started hassling me about why I didn't want to drive the additional 12 blocks to pick up Jonathan from work. Uh. Because it would add another 45 minutes to the ride in traffic and I only had one bottle left?! Well, I gave in, picked him up. I had to pee, it was 7pm and I STILL hadn't eaten anything that day.

We got home an hour later - THREE and a HALF hours from when I left the house (LAG is seriously only about 20 miles from here). Got take out sandwiches for dinner, they royally screwed up my order so all I had was soup and I was furious.

Fast forward to the next day.

I told her that Sophie usually gets up around 7:30-8am. You give her a bottle and she goes back down till about 10am. Simple, right?? She WOKE Sophie up at 6:30, had ALL the lights on, the curtains open, is singing and DANCING with her. I'm thinking we're never going to get this baby back to sleep. Gives her a bottle and then - get this!- tries to feed her scrambled eggs with bruschetta topping!! WTF! Sophie's exhausted, crying and covering her little eyes with her hands. I finally got her back to sleep.

Jonathan gets up, showers, visits for a while. My mother then starts FLIRTING with my HUSBAND. Says to me in front of him, "Why don't you make your husband breakfast in the morning? There are PLENTY of other MORE ATTRACTIVE women at his office that would LOVE to take care of your husband better than you do." WHAT???? For THIS I paid for a ticket for her to fly up??

As soon as Jonathan left, she started in on me about how I (a) wear inappropriate clothes for my body. Um. I wear MOMMY clothes. Khakis and t-shirts with sandals; (b) I'm a spoiled brat because Jonathan prefers to take his own clothes to the drycleaners; (c) I don't take care of my family appropriately because I don't do laundry every day. What? I explained THREE times how Jonathan has this weird "ritual" and has to do the laundry himself on Sundays while watching the Simpsons. Don't ask me. It's his thing. I happen to like doing laundry, but he is compelled to do it for some sick reason. I told her to leave the laundry alone. (d) THE KICKER. I'm a horrible wife because I DON'T IRON HIS SHIRTS!. Yup. She ironed his shirts. He doesn't LIKE his shirts ironed. He's 39 years old, so I think he's pretty clear on his wants and desires when it comes to his shirts.

So I'm now thoroughly ticked off. She said she would watch Sophie so I could go grocery shopping for dinner. We were having a family friend over and I was going to make a huge (expensive) paella. As I'm leaving I tell her that I have my cell phone. Call for ANY ANY ANY reason.

I get back, double parked the car because I had an appointment for a facial in 20 minutes, lugged the groceries upstairs. I walk in, she's feeding Sophie, doing the laundry, has the a/c pushed up to 75 degrees (it's 90 outside), has Sophie in socks and covered with a freaking blanket. Now I should add that she was OBSESSED with feeding Sophie from the moment she got here. "When can I feed her food? Why haven't you fed her? I think she's hungry, can I feed her?" I explained over and over that for the first year, Sophie's primary nutrition is in a bottle and that food right now is for learning about texture. I told her all about how you can only do one new food at a time for a few days... In one freaking ear and out the other.

I had already told her the foods that Sophie has successfully eaten and hasn't had a reaction to. So I asked what she was feeding the baby. Yo-Baby. Fine. What flavour? Vanilla. OK, new, but that's OK. Then I see her feeding her something else. What? Applesauce? It doesn't look like applesauce. Oh, the jar's on the counter. Apples and APRICOTS! A second new food! Oh. What else is that in her hand? A grisini bread stick?? A third new food at the same time?? I flipped. Positively flipped. Told her about how she could have had a reaction, she wouldn't have had a clue as to what to do, etc. etc. etc.

We got into a huge cat fight. We're screaming, Sophie's hysterical. She's telling me I'm a horrible mother and a worse wife. Jonathan's going to leave me...and she's leaving too. Fine with me. Some more REALLY nasty things were said. I'm crying, Sophie's crying. The car is still illegally double parked...my mother starts drilling me on how to get back to the airport. Basically car or bus. I told her I would drive her. She told me she didn't want to have anything to do with me, see me or Sophie again, blah, blah, blah.

I cancelled my appointment and took Sophie with me to move the car. We sat in the car for a while still crying and then walked back to the apartment. As I'm crossing the street, my mother is walking out of the building, right past us. I yelled out, "Do you even KNOW where to get the bus??" She didn't even answer me.

That's the last I've seen or heard from her.

And that's why I was afraid to leave Sophie with a f***ing psycho of a grandmother!!

If you're still with me, thanks for listening!

-m

[amp]

My heart is breaking reading your story. I am sooo sorry you had to go through that. From what I read here, you are a great mom and wife, so don't let that thought creep in your brain and stick there. Can't really offer advice, but I empathize greatly. Hang in there.

[kfcboston]

OHMIGOD. That is just such a heartbreaking story. Don't let yourself even consider for one minute that she knows better than you do!! Focus on your wonderful family and the positives in your life!!

[lizamann]

Wow. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I hope things calm down soon now that she's gone.

Beth

[KathyO]

Wow. Wow wow wow. I feel like I should put you in touch with my friend who was receiving DEATH THREATS on her answering machine from her mother for a while (I house-sat for her, and heard some of them coming in) because her mother didn't like her lifestyle choices. MY mother's a friggin' registered nurse, and even SHE checks with me before giving my kid something!

Crazy Mom is too big an issue to even think about right now. I hope that you are having some success in recovering your collective equilibrium, and the comforts of your routine. Some trashy English detective novels (as Cynthia Heimel says, an ideal blend of coziness and bloodshed, the perfect balm for shattered nerves) and a few bubble baths are called for.

Best,

KathyO
Whose husband irons his own damn shirts too.

[jojo2324]

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. Mothers tend to be the pits at my house too. "Oh, you don't want Gannon running around the pool? Why not? You so SO overprotective." "Why does your child cry so much? My children didn't cry. You guys didn't do anything. Labor didn't hurt." Ugh!

I hope you have calmed down a bit and can relax while Jonathan does his laundry with the Simpsons...Lucky you! I'm lucky if the damn clothes get in the damn hamper! :) Big hugs to you and Sophie. Don't let your mom get you down. You just focus on being an awesome mother to your little girl!

[JMarie]

Is your mom my MIL (couldn't be - DH is an only child...)? I'm a horrible wife because I don't do the laundry (DH also likes to spend Sundays doing laundry and either watching baseball games or the Discovery channel), I 'had no self-control' with regard to food when I was pregnant (this from a woman who has weight-induced diabetes), and she actually said DS will probably be molested by a priest since we had him baptised Catholic! Honestly, if it were my own mother though, I would be beyond hysterical. I can't believe you were actually willing to take her back to the airport! The other posts are dead-on - NO ONE has the right to speak to you like that, no matter who they are. I am so sorry that horrible things were said - especially that she doesn't want to see her grandchild - and truly hope you are able to come to peace with all of this. Best wishes...

Jennifer
Mom to Aidan Christopher 01/28/03

[houseof3boys]

Marisa I was cringing when reading that. As my husband would say when things like that happen and you are just dying to strangle her....Be a duck...just let it roll off your back!!

I am sooooo sorry for that horrible visit you had. I can relate to a certain degree with my own mother but I am much meaner than you are! I don't have the patience for that kind of bs and you made such an effort with your mother so don't feel bad about any of it since she is the one with the problems. I am sorry for poor little Sophie too since she got caught in the crossfire of it all.

Go get a massage and try to relax about the whole mess which I am sure will resolve itself within the next few days.

[Roleysmom]

Thank goodness she's gone. I say grab KathyO's book suggestion, add a pint of Ben and Jerry's (the more calories the better), reschedule the facial for tomorrow and concentrate on your husband and cutie pie of a little girl, who seem very lucky to have you in their lives.

Oh, and my iron is sitting in the box it came in when my mother gave it to me about ten years ago somewhere in our house. Twice I've had the idea that I should sell it in a garage sale, but haven't been able to find it.

Paula
-- mom to Roley Julia 01-04-02

[Marisa6826]

Jennifer-

The only reason I offered to take her to the airport was that I would then be able to be certain she left the damn state! :)

Thanks for all the wonderful, positive words everybody!

-m