ARG! Visitations!...long ramble

[SeekerMage]

Ok....this is pretty much a bitch post and partially a question post of sorts. Basically going off a post I had a while ago about trying to adopt our three year old...which isnt going to happen any time soon because of her ggrrrr natural mother....anyhow thats a whole other post and a half. Basically we are really getting sick of her weekly visits! She visits her mom every other friday and her father every other week on various days based on his work schedule which he is in the habit of telling us the day before he has the day off then expects to see her! He really isnt much of an issue because its a grandma grandpa visit with him as well...its just weekly trips are really getting hard!!!!!
Both parents are atleast a half an hour away and we are unable to get there due to my DH work schedule and wanting to eat dinner until maybe 730-800 at night (her bedtime is between 8 and 9 so there is one issue!)...and we arent about to go on the weekends because we really only have Sundays for family days! Then when we are there its like they see her for a few minutes and thats enough they are on to ignoring her and just talking us or something non important! Gee isnt the whole point of the visits so they can have quality time with their daughter?!!! Not only that but she has been really getting hyper and crazy the past few visits when we take her home, unable to calm her down and then she doesnt sleep well...Im really beginning to think they are having an effect on her!
Maybe its just my bitchy pregnancy hormones but Im really getting sick of having to go here and there and take her to visit people who really seem to care less other then the fact that she is like a possesion they they have the right to see!
From what I understand....which I should probably talk to DCFS to get the actual lowdown....we have no obligation to have her see them whatsoever! I know in the mothers case they have to be supervised visits but in the fathers case its not as much of an issue...though I still inist they the grandparents are there if I leave her in his care. Im just really tired of having to plan things around them and basically kiss a$$ to be on good terms so the adoption will go smoothly...which isnt about to happen any time soon so do we even bother trying to keep up and be on really good terms?
We want to try and go down to one visit a month...especially with a new baby about to be here and just at the peak of holiday season too! We though that we would just do one big visit a month..an afternoon with her dad (which we have done and she enjoys though comes home hyper and crazy as all get out) and then perhaps an outing or dinner with mom so its a long visit verses the hour to hour and a half she does get. I just hate starting problems and dont want to have it be an issue with the adoption etc etc...but seriously....their rights were essentially terminated and we have only done this so the grandparents could get to see her! What do you think? Are we in the right to decide and cause possible problems? Do we just bite the bullet and keep it up? We agreed when we took custody that the families involved could still see her so thats our fault but sheesh...how much more should we take? MAybe we should just have the grandparents have visitation or something more often...I dunno! Oh...and neither parent is allowed at our house! Grandparents are ok but not parents.... is this wrong? We have tried to keep this her safe zone...especially since we dont put it past her mother to stop by to try and take her or pop in to visit whenever she wanted!!!! What to do what to do!!!!!
Ok Im dont bitching now...I just have to say I dread the holidays and kind of dread having this little one around right in the middle of it all....and I wont even get into how her natural mother is now pregnant again!!!!! thats a whole other long bitch which I have to say I will not hesitate to get DCFS involved in again but I wont go into that...Im all for parent rights but when they dont even try and are kids themselves!!! Ok Im done for now.
WAHHHHH!!!!!...why cant this be a happy time :(

[momathome]

Kathryn,
I am really, really sorry that you are going though all of this - it sounds like a nightmare! Of course you are stressed out, of course Angela is feeling hyper about the whole thing. It sounds like you are well within your rights to pull back on the visits if they are not in Angela's best interests. Perhaps it's not a bad idea to consult a child psychologist if you feel you need some professional back-up on this? While I agree it is probably not a smart move to cut off visitation all together, if for no other reason than you don't want to antagonize them while the adoption is being worked out, cutting BACK on their visits so that it fits better with Angela's shcedule, not theirs, makes a lot of sense.
I wish you much luck with the adoption proceedings that they go smoothly for you. As far as the holidays go, make it clear to everyone in advance what time they may have with Angela and try not to run yourself ragged trying to make everyone else happy. It sounds like you are Angela's one link to stability and it is clear that she is very lucky to have you as a mommy!!! Take care.
-Lauren