MIL bought stuff off of my registry & is returning it!!!!

[Lori in NJ]

I know, I know, one week I'm posting about still being pregnant and here I am b*tching about something else now that the baby is here, but this one just burnt me up!!! I registered at BRU b/c there is a TON of stuff we need (first baby). I was SO excited to see that someone had taken the lamp that matches the bedding & the diaper bag off of the registry (esp the diaper bag!!!) We received a gift that had a gift receipt on it w/all of the items having been bought, so I knew SOMEONE got us the stuff...

It turns out that my MIL didn't know what my SIL's wanted to give us, so she bought several items thinking she'd return what they didn't want to give us as a gift. HELLO?????? Do you realize my window of opportunity to get people to buy stuff off of our registry is VERY small??? WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK WE RECEIVED THINGS ONLY TO PUT THEM BACK ON THE REGISTRY 2 WEEKS LATER???????? IMO she should've sucked it up and given us the other stuff as gifts, I know how selfish that sounds, but now we're stuck DEFINITELY buying the items b/c we need them NOW.

My DH doesn't understand why I'm so upset over $75 worth of stuff and MIL is fully aware that I'm NOT happy about this. I just sent out 20 birth announcements to HER friends, paid for a bunch of them to attend our son's bris and now this!!!

Am I overreacting? Perhaps it's hormones!!!

Lori

[flagger]

I really don't have any advice to offer but only a story to share.

During Cocoa's delivery, the nurse we had bonded with over six hours was sent home in the middle of her shift because of staffing issues. Too many nurses, not enough women in active labour. Because of her seniority, she was the one sent home.

I knew this could happen at a normal shift change time but never imagined it could happen in the middle of the shift when a woman was in active labour. Ms. Flagger started pushing within minutes of the switch taking place. To make matter worse, the next day, a nurse never came in to check on Laura or the baby. Never dropped in to say hello, check vitals, etc.

I was livid. I talked to the charge nurse later that afternoon and spilled out my feelings on this issue. I continued to boil and steam and "wrote" hugely satisfying letters to the head of the hospital, the consumer affairs reporter, etc. etc.

Then it hit me. I had a healthy baby and a wonderful wife who had just given birth to tend to. Instead of spending my energy on things while pretty upsetting had zero affect on the new life on which we about to embark. Letting go of that anger and focusing on what was truly important at the time, made for a wonderful homecoming.

[KMommie]

While Flagger takes the high road... :P

I would be upset, as well. Why didn't your MIL just buy the stuff and NOT take it off the registry? That way, worst case, you'd have ended up with some duplicates. Grrrr! By taking it off the registry, she's saying she's giving it as a gift.

My SIL told me not to expect anything off the registry---she said no one really uses the registry, so don't waste my time. She was speaking from the experience of her sister, who registered and got ONE thing from her registry, and it was from HER MOTHER!

But, in the end, Flagger is right, you have a baby to enjoy---get all your negative energy out, here at the B*itching Post, and go back and enjoy your new lil one!

Jeannie
mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

[Marisa6826]

Hey Lori!

Congratulations once again on your son!

We also got very little from our registry. People felt compelled to give us all kinds of little stuffed animals and outfits, but I didn't have a single bottle on hand.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and please forgive me if I disappoint you. You need to let this one go. In the end, you have a beautiful, healthy little boy. You are very fortunate and many people would kill to be in your shoes right now. That is what you need to concentrate on.

When all is said and done, it's only STUFF and it's not going to make a difference whether you have a matching lamp a year from now.

I know that I was CRAZY obsessed with the nursery, but when all was said and done, it was all about Sophie. The babies couldn't really give a rat's ass as long as they're loved, fed, warm and dry.

Granted your MIL is a major PITA, but don't let it get the better of you. You need to conserve your energy to take care of your son.

For what it's worth, you will probably make back a bunch of the cash/gifts at the bris.

Again, I'm sorry if I have upset you. In a few months you will be able to see this from a different perspective. I realize that it's incredibly easy to obsess over all the things you WANT (as opposed to NEED) and forget about being thankful for all the things you already have.

Until then, deep breaths and keep drinking that water! :)

hugs

-m

[Momof3Labs]

I have to agree that you are overreacting (and yes, it is probably hormones). Look at it this way - people didn't buy you those two items, but they bought you other items off of your registry. So you may have gotten them, but then not gotten other things.

Unfortunately, babies involve lots of expenses for new parents, no matter how many gifts they get (and it isn't the responsibility of your family and friends to fully provide for your baby - it is your responsibility, and they are kind enough to help out). And "need" is relative - you probably have a lamp that you could use in the nursery for a while, and the hospital gives away diaper bags if you are in a bind (or you could use a tote bag for a while). So you don't HAVE to shell out the $75 now - heck, you may hate these two items after using them for a few months!

I gotta side with your MIL on this one, sorry!

[Lori in NJ]

Okay, no doubt there are some hormones floating around in my system right now...x(

I do agree that this is NOT a tragedy or major thing but definitely an annoyance. Whoever said she should've bought the stuff & NOT taken it off of the registry is on the right page. I will NOT agree that MIL was 'right' in this matter b/c it was stupid to buy all the stuff and give me a gift receipt showing the stuff had been purchased.

I'm MORE than happy to provide for my child and yes, when I look into those little eyes I realize how UNimportant it is if the light I see him with comes from a matching lamp.

Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.

Lori

[Momof3Labs]

Well, if she had bought the stuff and NOT taken it off of the registry (and actually given it to you), then you may have received duplicates - and been annoyed with her for not taking them off of the registry.

Honestly, save your energy for more important battles with her (I'm sure that there will be some)!

[MartiesMom2B]

Lori:

Hormones have a way of making us go nuts, especially after the baby is born. You can ask my husband about me taking Martie out of someone's arms who was visiting and yelling "Give me my baby!" He still teases me about it.

On the bright side even though your MIL did something really stupid with your registry, maybe some people will look at it before the bris and select some of the things you need as a gift. I also received several gifts for a while after Martie's birth too - so hopefully someone will check and get you something from there.

Meantime, vent all you want girlfriend. That's what we are here for.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03

[Lori in NJ]

Thanks Sonia!

The bris was last Friday (has to be 8 days after the baby was born) and that's when I got a majority of the stuff. Fortunately I'm getting duplicates off of my registry so I'm THRILLED to be able to return and buy on credit--LOVE it!

At this point I'm psyched to go to BRU and buy everything we need so that we can enjoy everything we get from there on out w/o waiting/hoping someone will get us the stuff anyway. Needless to say my child is FULLY clothed from now till eternity since it seems as though clothes are the gift of choice.

Till the next thing that makes me vent... :+

Lori

[MartiesMom2B]

Oh yes the clothes. They keep coming and coming too. As Martie is the first granddaughter I don't believe I ever really have to buy her clothes again. LOL.

Mozel Tov on the bris. I thought you might've had it already.

Sonia
Proud Mommy to Martie 4/6/03