Overstimulated baby?!

[SeekerMage]

I personally have never heard of a baby being overstimulated...all the time!
We have issues with seeing my nephew because he has such a tight schedule. We can only visit between 6am and 1pm with no acceptions during the week, and occasionally between 6am and 5pm on the weekends but only if we make an appointment. Anyhow, schedule aside, they dont want a lot of visitors, and especially my daughter because she is a three year old and very loud and talkative. And, if we visit we have to leave before five because his bedtime is five thirty.
We arent even allowed to visit an hour before bedtime (sometimes the only time we can get over there) because if someone new walks in the room he gets over stimulated and it takes them three hours to get him to sleep. (he cosleeps and does not sleep on his own yet so they cant just leave him to settle himself down with play etc)
They wont bring him over to visit because he hates being in the car so that is out of the question, and it would overstimulate him to be around new things basically.

They also dont let him watch tv because it over stimulates him, and they want him to learn to use his imagination (ok that is fine but to me they have to have something to base their info off of and last I heard he loved a few baby einstein videos and Toy Story according to my brother) If the tv is even on in the room my SIL will take him into a different room because of the overstimulation.

I personally have never heard of this before. Granted my daughter who is three has problems sleeping at night on the days we go and visit her parents, but that is only because she gets sooo wound up and runs around and yes its right before bedtime. However, we calm her down and put her to bed and she happily plays, listens to her music and eventually falls asleep. Can I say she was overstimulated, sure but she adapts as any baby should.

I have been around babys for more then half my life and some of the things they come up with just blow my mind! Has anyone heard of a child being overstimulated by even a stuffed animal? Having someone new hold them? Etc. To me it seemd that he is so sheltered that he is unable to socialize or handle people other then his mother, occasionally dad and her mother (My parents havent seen him since Mothers day and that was only the third time in his whole life!) His first three months they never left the house, and while they go on walks now and over to her moms house since they are moving in with him, that is really the extent of his social life. To me it sounds more like parinoid unsure of themselves parents who let the baby rule the house, which they do. His schedule comes first and always first, they will not bend it at ALL!

I may be wrong because it seems like a lot of parenting styles are different then what I have always known. And yes each parent has their own right to do things their own way. Someone please point me in the right direction because this is driving me nutz! It breaks my heart that we dont know this child and yet everytime I heard from them there is just something else that blows my mind that I have never heard of. The latest is they wont let him play with plastic toys....any how...what do you think?

[luvbeinmama]

Unless the child is mentally abnormal, they are doing him a HUGE disservice IMO. If they continue to shelter him that much he will not have the socialization skills he NEEDS to survive in the outside world. He needs to interact with other children, esp those his own age. And although my children do not have tv on a daily basis, the occasional movie will NOT kill him, or be that detrimental. Also, he needs to be able to deal with schedule changes & interruptions. That's how life goes. Sure, major schedule interruptions can make the next day or so a bit nasty on the parents, but the kid needs to be able to adjust to things a little bit, too. I think their definition of overstimulated is a bit skewed. It sounds like a normal child would seem overstimulated to them. If you think about it adults are extremely understimulated in comparison, because we already know about the world. If you don't expose kids to the world, how will they learn? They are little learning machines taking in all they can. I've seen my kids over stimulated, and it makes them totally cranky and whiny, not excited and playing and discovering, that's normal. I don't know that you can do anything really, except maybe talk to your brother about it separately from your SIL (since she seems to be the enforcer of all this from what I gathered). See what he really thinks, and maybe try to give him some good informative books on child development. Otherwise, I think you'll just have to live with it.

[ddmarsh]

Sounds to me like they are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and this child *will* be overly sensitive to stimulation, variations in schedules, etc. because he has been so removed from the possibility of it. I once knew a couple whose child did not like the sound of the vacuum cleaner running and so one of them would take him (he was a toddler at the time) out of the house while the other vacuumed; to me the more he would be exposed to it the more he would come to see it as normal and respond accordingly.

I've got to say the not playing with plastic toys is a new one for me - what is the reasoning behind that?? Perhaps they'll also start living without plastic in their house - that should be a challenge ;).

[Kate888]

Sorry you have a hard time visiting your nephew. How old is he?
When my DD was a baby (from birth to about 12 months), she had a very hard time falling asleep if she was "over-stimulated" before bed/naptime (sorry to use this term). Going to new places and meeting new people took a lot out of her, too. She had a specific schedule and if she wasn't put into the crib before nap/bedtime, she would scream and cry so hard that we needed to spend at least an hour rocking, nursing and singing to calm her down. Unlike other babies I've seen on TV, she has never fallen asleep on the floor, the sofa, or while eating in the high chair. The condition significantly improved by itself after she was a year old. Now at 18 month, she still has a set schedule about when she needs to nap, but she no longer screams her head off if it's 30 minutes past her naptime. She enjoys meeting new people and places, which is a significant change, too. I guess it's just part of her growing. Is your nephew like my DD when she was younger? Maybe you can ask his parents if he has a hard time going to bed by himself if he gets too tired. If he is still an infant, I hope the situation will improve as he gets older.

He is so lucky to have a loving aunt who is dying to spend more time with him!! :)

Kate
Mama to Maya 2-17-02

[mom2kandj]

Wow! Sounds like my nephew! I posted a last month about my SIL ("my SIL is a troll")who made the entire extended family cater to her DS's sleep and nap schedule for every event! It got to the point that church, lunch, shopping, and basically everything else was out unless it did not conflict with his naptime and if he fell asleep in the car, everyone WAITED until he woke up to do whatever was planned. Well, my mom and I decided that we would make plans and if they wanted to participate they would make it work. After missing out on a couple of things and also seeing her DS play with his cousins, she has made progress on relaxing and being more flexible. My mom and I had a talk with my brother and he is realizing that his DS needs exposure to different people and situations. There is value in a good routine, but IMO children need to be able to adapt and not stress when small things change. It takes a lot of guts to tell your brother that you think he needs to make a change. I told my brother that it made me sad that there was so much stress in the family because of his son. I also told him that I wanted our kids to grow up as close as brothers and sisters and that if things didn't change, my kids would never get to really know their cousin. FWIW, SIL is now pregnant again and is even considering leaving DS for a week with my parents so that they can go on a vacation before baby #2 comes along. Leaving him overnight would have been taboo just 2 months ago. She's also getting out more and even taking her DS to Mommy and Me classes. I guess they've made a lot of changes.....HTH!


Rose
mom 2 Katie (32 months)
& Jack (16 months)