"Do you not do as much work around the house as you used to?"

[pritchettzoo]

DH would be a dead man. I agree with the strike. Maybe you could go away with DD and just leave him with all the household chores--that alone should keep him busy! :)

Print out this thread and serve it to him for dinner... :P

Anna

[miki]

I wish I could pump and leave a bottle. But DD decided about a month ago that bottles stink. We're working on teaching *H how to feed baby food without getting DD stickier than I've ever seen. Then DD has to figure out that solid food also fills the tummy and not want to nurse 30 minutes later.

I decided a while ago that I would not stoop to having arguments over stuff like this where I am obviously right but hubby is clueless. I will be the bigger person and let it go and treat him the way that I expect to be treated. (Just like I have gone all out putting together a really good looking photo book for Father's Day when all I got was a, "O yeah it's Mother's Day." But that's another rant altogether.)

Anyhoo, thanks for the support, ladies. I've cooled off enough that I've mostly forgiven him. He does go out and work really hard at a job he doesn't love so that we can live in a nice house and I can buy pretty much all the baby stuff I want DD to have without worrying about the $$.

[jerseygirl07067]

I totally sympathize....My DH, who normally is pretty good about helping out even said to me one day, "Can't you go to the grocery store today, it's not like you have anything else to do". I was totally in shock since he has been so helpful. I let him have it for that one.


Now that I am working full time (70-80% from home, 20% out of the home), he occasionally asks, "So what do you have going on today?" Duh. I constantly feel like I am justifying my day to him, even though I am working my A** off!! I was so happy when he happened to take a day off from work and he was home to see how my day was going. From the minute I woke up it was nonstop - feeding, changing, dressing, interacting and playing with DD, and all the while my work cell phone was ringing nonstop, so I was on the phone, faxing documents, writing orders, etc. on top of everything else. I think at the very end he may have gotten a clue, because he said, "Wow, pretty crazy....."

Marcy

[lukkykatt]

When I decided to stay home full time with DS, I made an announcement to DH that I was staying home to be a mother, not to be a maid. Of course, I would do what I could for the house in my "free" time, but I was expecting to receive participation from DH when he came home from work.

One thing that we try to do every night is touch base on the status of different items, and who will be doing what the next day. That helps us keep to what we have said we will do - we almost always only run into trouble when we are not getting together at night to do this.

[Melanie]

x( x( x(

I think daddy needs an entire day alone with baby and a list of chores to complete!!

From the beginning, it was understood that I was a Stay At Home MOTHER and not a Stay at home MAID. The house doesn't need me to nurture it, Ds does. As he's gotten older and I've had more "free" time (HAHAHA) I have taken on more of the household chores, but in those early months we shared the work. Dh worked all day at the office, I worked all day with Ds. When we were both home we took turns on house work, or it just didn't get done!

[lmladuke]

At least your DH does laundry - mine would not know how to do laundry even with a detailed instruction list!

I am totally in a "DH's stink" mood so I can sympathize with you totally. Mine does NO housework, and the only care for DS he does is playing with him. When we have dinner, he puts DS in his chair and then proceeds to sit and eat HIS dinner while I rush around getting DS and my dinner. Then he'll say to me - Why aren't you eating!

He still expects that I can handle everything I did before we had DS, plus my job 3 days a week and the fact that I am due with #2 in 7 1/2 weeks!!!!! And he thinks I have time to visit his parents every week and cook dinner for them!

Grrrrr....I am getting angry all over again just thinking about it.

I think its some bizarre genetic imbalance that men have where they really don't understand how much work it is taking care of a child. I also think men cannot "multitask" as much as women. I'm not trying to be stereotypical - I have male colleagues who have pretty much confirmed this.

Try not to let it get to you - and take sympathy that lots of women are in the same boat

Lori

[jk3]

Have you left your DS alone with your DS for a few hours? Even an hour might help. I'm usually around 24-7 but recently I had to be away for an entire morning + now my DH completely understands what's involved. You seem to have a lot on your plate so maybe you can find a couple of chores DH can do from time to time. Definitely nix the dinner w/the inlaws if at all possible. If you all have to get together weekly maybe they can cook + bring it to you especially with #2 on the way.

Jenn
DS 6/3/03

[miki]

Man, Lori, I'm all aggravated again reading your post! I hope your DH will at least get up early and take care of (not just play with) #1 when #2 arrives. That is a big issue with me--you see I'm trying to get the baby and myself ready at the same time to start our day yet you are laying in bed not sleeping just "resting" after a night of uninterrupted sleep.

[lmladuke]

Actually 1 day we had a plan that I was to go out and DH would stay home with DS - well, I made breakfast and got him dressed and then DH took him to his friends house (who also has a little boy) the dads sat and watched football and the kids played. I asked him what he fed him for lunch and DH basically let him eat goldfish and the carrots I packed for snacks and then said he was not hungry! DS had fun and all that, but I don't call that childcare - that's more like a field trip. I told him next time he has to stay home, take care of DS AND do housework, and see how he likes that!

Believe me, I try to nix any interaction with the IL's. They were over last night and MIL, FIL and DH were all sitting on the couch and chairs and I sat at DS' playtable with him. Um, excuse could anyone let the pregnant lady have a real seat??

Lori

[lmladuke]

Yeah, that "tired" thing gets me too. DH often goes to bed before me and DS saying he is "tired" from work. Meanwhile, he gets up same time as me on the days I work, but he drinks coffee and leaves, while I get myself ready and DS and then have the 45 minute commute to drop off and pick up DS at my mom's house before and after work. And he's tired...

Lori