Updated: Good friend regifted her DD's gift to my DS! WWYD?

[aguinn]

so, a good friend of mine sent me a gift for DS's recent b'day. when we received it, i thought there was no card. a further inspection revealed two cards stuck inside the box the toy was attached to - BOTH made out to my friend's DD for her b'day!

i've known this woman since 9th grade (let's just say that's over 15 years now) and her DD and my DS were born on the same day, and i sent her a cute outfit and a couple books because i thought it was fun shopping for a girl for once! i was not expecting a gift back and would not have thought anything of it if we had not received anything except their thanks. however, now that i know we've received a re-gifted toy, i'm miffed!

what would you do? would you call her on it or just send a thank you note or do nothing or what?

i sent a thank you note with a cute pic of DS in it and did not mention the fact that i found the cards. but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth!

Update: i just wanted to thank everyone who's responded so far and say i agree with those who suggested not mentioning it. i would not put her on the spot like that, but i guess my main concern is that the way it was presented, with the cards for her DD still included and seemingly very little thought put into it by her, was tacky. i, too, have regifted, but am always careful to make sure there is no card or other "give-away" info that my receiver might take offense to. this woman and i have other historical issues, and i guess i thought we were beyond that - and we probably are, but i guess i would've expected more care. btw, the gift is a leap frog alphabet pal (http://www.leapfrogstore.com/index.c...il&catalogID=1), and it is pretty cute.

amy
proud momma to DS

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030729/1/5/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbo...n_gold_12m.gif One Year & counting...

[Momof3Labs]

I am often guilty of regifting, but I try to match the gifts with the recipients carefully. As long as I give them a gift that they might enjoy, why does it matter whether it is brand new from a store or brand new from baby's birthday pile (perhaps a duplicate gift)? Saves me a trip to the store to return one gift and buy another, quite honestly.

But I will completely agree that she should have made it look purchased for you - removing cards and rewrapping, for example. That's pretty tacky!

[pritchettzoo]

Hmmm...you could always include the cards in a note and say, "I'm saving all of DS's cards for his baby book, and I wanted to return these to you in case you wanted them for the same reason."

Is it possible that only the box was reused?

Is it a good gift? Or is she regifting something just so-so? I have regifted good gifts that I had multiples of, but I try to be careful to remove cards. Maybe she got duplicates of the toy which her DD liked so much that she thought it would make a great gift for you.

Definitely reeks of tackiness--just trying to think of some redeeming factors. I'd be pretty hacked off too, especially with the seeming carelessness and thoughtlessness of it.

Anna

[C99]

I think I would re-gift it back to her at a later date and just make a joke out of it. I would even leave the cards in there!

I'd be POed if a really good friend did that to me, but sometimes, the only way to handle it is to do it with humor.

[tippy]

Well, I may be the odd man out here but I am a firm believer in being open with my close friends and family, especially about my feelings if I have been hurt or am upset/angry about something. Getting it off my chest always makes me feel better (even if the situation doesn't change) and helps me to avoid ending up being resentful. If you have known each other that long I am assuming you are relatively close (maybe not but that is what I got from your post). If she IS a close friend than I would be honest with her and ask if she had passed on a "duplicate gift" from ds's birthday. If she asks why you can tell her about the cards. That would give her an opportunity to either explain why she did it (if in fact she did) or if not, how the cards got in the package. Either way it would be a good opportunity for you to tell her if you were hurt by it and why. My feeling is "what is the worst thing that will happen"? If you are really close, I doubt it will "ruin" your friendship. Maybe she was just swamped and didn't have time or perhaps she will give it some thought and realize you deserved better. If you aren't that close I would just let it go (if you can). I just think it is better to be honest no matter how awkward it might be than to be "passive agressive" and indirect. I know this isn't everyone's "style" but it is what I would do. HTH

[Dscvrlifewith3]

I've regifted a few times, making sure of course to pull any other cards out. I know that for my children, many recieved the same gift multiple times, popular ones. I think we got three little people farm companion sets in one year. Two of them went to other children for their birthdays.

Depending on the relationship would determine what I would do. A close friend who is sensitive, a thank you note would suffice. A bitching friend, I might do what Anna suggested. A well meaning friend with a since of humor, I would regift it back to her. A family member, I would ignore it.

I hope it was at least a decent gift!

[KBecks]

I'd probably grin and bear it. Was the gift something that you son will use and/or play with? Then, great!

If the gift is not something you will use or enjoy, I'd give it to Goodwill, and move on -- no big deal.

Perhaps your friend felt she had to do a reciprocal gift, or perhaps the gift was a duplicate that she thought you would appreciate, or maybe she's got a tight budget right now.

It's the thought that counts --- well, OK so there wasn't THAT much thought, but she did make the effort to give something.

I'd forgive your friend and try to focus on the more positive aspects of your relationship.

In terms of confronting your friend --- I'd not, but here's why -- I think -- what's the positive that would come out of a discussion? Your friend will most likely feel bad or embarassed, but you'll have had the opportunity to unload. It doesn't seem worth it to me, when a birthday gift is a relatively small thing.

KBecks

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I would never in a million years say anything to her!!!!!!
I do not think this has to do with "being open and honest to friends", this is over a material object...maybe a $10-$20 material object. I don't know but not one of my friends could hurt my feelings over such thing.

this might sound harsh and I hope it is not I'd rather it help you to come to terms over this, it will make you feel better.

I mean life is good if these are our "problems"...
Again saying this with a smile on face and being "pro you"
but my friends could send Tristan a Kernal of popcorn and I wouldn't care...they are my friends.

thank god for recycling...and I could send some pictures of boys age 5 dressed in girls pinks clothes because this is all they have a choice of...chances are I'll be bringing home one of them in Jan,
PLEASE don't hurt your friendship over such a thing...you will regret it!!!!!




Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD #2 3/18/05 as of 8/10 things looking "great"
*Traveling in Jan insearch of the rest of our family-adopting in Ukraine IF INS gets us paperwork intime (cross fingers)

[jal]

Count me in with the crowd that says ignore it and don't say anything about it.

As others have said, you don't know all the details, and as long as the gift was appropriate, I don't see any issue with "re-gifting".

If it helps, think of it this way...

She got two of the same items for her DD party. She could have taken the duplicate back for the money, OR she could thoughtful and send it to your DS instead. She decided on the nicer second option.

[papal]

I would not say anything or her call her out on it... that would put her on the spot and be very awkward for her in that moment. Just ignore it and carry on regardless!