"My husband doesn't feel threatened by you".......

[deborah_r]

Shannon, I think you've gotten some great advice. I just wanted to say I hope things get better for you, and I know you must be feeling wretched about this. I hope he shapes up, and please do make sure that you express to him how much he has hurt you and damaged your ability to trust him.

And just to reiterate that I do not think you are being paranoid, I cannot think of a single reason why he would not ask you to go wtih him if he needed to go watch her kids, if everything was on the up-and-up. Who wouldn't want another adult, especially their spouse, to come help them watch someone else's children.

(((Hugs to you)))) I hope this situation can be resolved soon!

[aliceinwonderland]

I agree with PP that the whole thing seems messed up! I mean, female friends per se are not bad: I "let" my DH go to the museum one day with our son and female friend of him whom I've never met and have no time nor desire to...But the pattern you describe is what's worrying...I would have a frank talk with him and really ask: asuming it is just a friendship(because if you start accusing he might get defensive, etc) "is your friendship with this woman important enough to you to make the damage it is causing in our family and the hurt I'm going thru worthwhile"???

Hugs.

[nov02mom]

Shannon, 1st of all big hugs to you!! This is such a stressful situation to deal with and I know 1sthand! My DH had a little emotional affair while I was pregnant. Different job, but same basic situation. At 1st they were just friends, and then he started having lunch with her on a regular basis, and the next thing I know he's hanging out with her instead of coming home to help his pregnant and on bedrest wife! AND lying about it.........I had an absolute nervous breakdown and insisted we either go talk to a therapist or a divorce lawyer!!!!

It was not the easiest time of my life, but we got through it, and although I still have a hard time trusting him- I do believe that they no longer have any kind of a relationship. There are enough red flags in your DH's behavior to stop a speeding train......take action now before it is too late!

There are several good books about emotional betrayal......check on Amazon!
HTH, Kristen

[tarahsolazy]

I assume that the person he was going to help out with the kids was the fitness class participant that he's been out to lunch with, and that you saw him with on election day? If so, what the HECK is she doing getting his help on a pregnancy related problem. Where is HER husband in all of this! I agree, this sounds fishy, Shannon. And it sounds like he knows on some level that there is something to hide. I hope that he can listen and understand your side of this, and that you guys can get through this. And right around the holidays, too. Even if your DH doesn't realize "this woman" is manipulating him, she is. What a nasty lady, to start something like that with a married man! Hugs to you!

[AvasMama]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is a horrible feeling to know your DH is not being totally honest with you, even if there is nothing behind it.

I was in a very similar situation with DH before we got married. He and a female coworker started hanging out together outside of work, in settings that were inappropriate, especially given that he was not being honest with me about where he was going. I caught him in several outright lies and we broke up for awhile. He came back a week later and we agreed that he would no longer see this person outside of work under any circumstances, and in addition, I made it clear that if he ever lied to me again about anything, we were over. He kept his promise and we got married several years later.

What matters most is to trust your instincts -- if you are uncomfortable with your DH's behavior, he needs to respect that and not see this woman anymore.

Robyn & Ava

[ktdid74]

Shannon- I normally wouldn't mention this to most people but I've been dealing with the aftermath of an affair for the last 4 months. Life has been very difficult and we're in counseling now but we had to hit rock bottom to start working on our marriage again. Run, don't walk, to find a marriage counselor. If your DH won't go, do it alone for now! DH's affair with his coworker has been the most devastating thing in my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. A book I recommend is called "Not 'Just Friends'- Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity" by Shirley P Glass.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, please email me. Hugs--