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  1. #1
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    Feb 2005
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    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
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    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio, USA.
    Posts
    3,424

    Default My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    OK this is as far from the light and funny as I get.

    When I first started posting here I talked about my 29 YO stepdaughter who is bipolar and on and off medication randomly. At the time I posted we had paid enough tuition for her to have graduated from OSU twice. I got a lot of feedback on that post that really made me quite angry along the lines of "she has a disease and you need to be happy for whatever she does that is postive and not expect anything from her". I thought about that advice for a long time and much later realized most of it was really spot on, though it was not what I wanted to hear.

    She has been on her medication consistently now but her life is really hard. No car ( the car we bought her was towed and she did not tell us until the storage fee was more than car was worth), very significant weight gain in past three years, not in school where I know she would like to be, but after 11 years of college (or so) we are not paying for it anymore.


    Anyway, sorry if I am rambling but I am shaken up right now. I am sick of her treating her father like dirt unless there is comething she wants. Today she came over for father's day and brought him a card. Then asks him if he would take her to dinner. While we were at the restaurant and dad was away from the table I told her that at some point it is appropriate for HER to do something for her father on dad's day, take him out to eat, make him a cheese sandwich, whatever.
    I just can not imagine being 29 years old handing my dad a card then asking him to take me out for a steak. I have bitten my tongue a lot around her trying to discern what is illness related and just plain disrespectful and rude.

    Later she mentioned having her dad over for his birthday. The last two years she has said she would come on his birthday . I think one year she called 1/2 way through the planned dinner and said she couldn't make it and the other year she just didn't show at all. so this year when she started talking about it I reminded her of the last two years and how hurt he had been when she didn't show.

    We continued to have a very ugly exchange where I told her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my baby shower (I sat there opening presents fighting back tears) How disrespectful I think it is not to inquire to see your new 1/2 sister until she is 2 months old. even though you have been repeatedly invited over. Basically I told her that I love someone that she continually hurts and I can no longer go on pretending it doesn't matter.

    I know things are complicated when there is a second marriage, I know most times a girl's alligience will be to her real mom over her dad (mine was). And I know this was not my fight to have but I just was so sick of her passive aggressive behavior. My husband is not upset but I am beside myself.

    Basically she is very angry at her dad for his divorce and some parenting issues from way back. She is getting back at him through saying "f you" in all kinds of ways. Not sure what I am looking for here, just very sad... At what age do you stop blaming your parents for your life situtaion? ( I guess I quit at about 25) :)


    Susan

    #1 Nick 11-18-04
    #2 Kate 04-26-06

  10. #10
    elliput's Avatar
    elliput is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Default RE: My stepdaughter may never speak to me again

    I am sorry you had to deal with such an ugly situation.

    Here is my take - at 29 years of age she should not be mooching off her parents. She is physically a mature adult, is intelligent enough to have gone to college, and needs to figure out that her father (at this point in both of their lives) owes her nothing.

    Hopefully she will take the opportunity to reflect upon your words and start treating her father with more respect. She should not expect respect from him if she does not give it in kind.

    In my book, you did the right thing.
    Erica
    DD 1/05
    DS 9/08

    Since one just does not simply walk into Mordor, I say we form a conga line and dance our way in.
    Excuse me, are you in a play​?

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