WWYD...bully at playgroup

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[megs4413]

The oldest kid in our playgroup (which is really just a mommy group since our DC are all so young!) just turned 2 and is a bully to all the other children. At group last week (which was at my house) she accosted DD several times. First, 2yo was sitting on the couch and DD went up to play with her..DD (almost 15 mos) was on the floor with her face at the edge of the couch looking up at 2yo trying to play. 2yo decides she doesn't want DD bothering her and promptly KICKS HER IN THE FACE!!!! I was LIVID!!! I pulled DD away and moved on (while 2yo mother said nothing...), but then I took DD into the kitchen and 2yo followed asking for a cookie or something...I turned to fill DD's cup and when I came to give it to her 2yo was pushing DD to the ground! My DD went "splat" on our HARD tile floor! I LOST IT! It was completely unprovoked and 2yo just ATTACKED DD!!!!!!!! I said, "No, J_____! You do not HIT!" and pulled DD away. 2yo's mother came rushing into the kitchen, grabbed up her child, packed up her things, and LEFT! She was apparently very angry at me for yelling at her daughter.....but this wasn't an isolated incident with her child! We went to play at their house once and DD came home LITERALLY with bruises and scratches ALL OVER! at one point 2yo threw my DD down a step onto her head! FOR NO REASON. I thought it was understandable when she pushed another kid down when they were going for the same toy...but to just walk up to a kid who is minding their own business, grab them by the throat (scratching their neck and drawing BLOOD in the process), and throw them down is just RIDICULOUS to me (she actually did this to DD). I don't know what to do. I know some of the other moms are concerned, but how do we approach this mother without making her feel attacked? Why would a child do stuff like this? I just don't get it! I am actually considering leaving the group...but I really don't want to....what should I do????

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth