DH Doesn't Want More Kids (long)

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Raidra]

As Lachlann has been growing more and more independent, and thus more and more fun, I've been thinking about how I'd like to have another child. I don't want to get pregnant right now.. in an ideal world, I'd get pregnant in December so we could have a baby right after Lachlann turns 2 and right before Colwyn turns 4. I'd also been thinking about adoption, something my husband and I have discussed being an option. Since it takes so long, and costs so much, we'd have to start preparing now, but most likely wouldn't be bringing a child home for at least a year and half to two years. I'd like to adopt a 1 or 2 year old from Ethiopia.

My husband, though, is completely unwilling to talk about it. He'll listen to what I have to say to a degree (although whenever I mention it, he rolls his eyes and laughs), but refuses to discuss it and won't say anything more than "I don't want another kid." He won't give me reasons other than money issues and a snide comment about how messy our house would be with three kids.

I'm just so frustrated at his unwillingness to discuss it and hopefully compromise. I'm making an effort compromise.. if I got pregnant right now, I'd be thrilled, but I'm willing to wait 6 months or a year or whatever. I also thought that maybe he was dreading going through the baby stage again, since he has actually mentioned that in the past, thus looking into adoption now rather than for a 4th kid (which was what we had originally talked about). I'm getting a job working every Saturday, and trying to start up a scrapbooking business on the side, so I'm trying to help with the money issues. I'm also selling a lot of things on Craigslist and planning a huge yardsale in a few weeks.

So why is that I have to do all the work to convince him? Why is it that he gets his way by default? With both kids, I had to do a bit of convincing, but it was quite easy. He's been joking with me that since I had such an easy time convincing him with the first two, it'll take months or even years to convince him to have a third.

When we were talking about adoption last night, we had mentioned sibling groups and I said in an offhand way that if we ended up adopting siblings, that we'd have to have 5 kids eventually, as I really want to be pregnant again, at some point. He couldn't possibly understand why if I bitched the whole time I was pregnant with Lachlann, why I'd want to do it again. I mean, he's a guy, he can't understand how truly amazing it was to be pregnant and give birth, even if it is painful and irritating at times. He doesn't understand that I would be heartbroken if he never agreed to another baby.. he thinks that even if we had another, I'd still want more (which, I'm sure I would). I tried explaining how I didn't think I really got to appreciate Lachlann's pregnancy, and how with the next one, I'll be going into it knowing that it's most likely my last, and will try not to take it for granted, etc.

Anyway.. I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that he doesn't want any more kids. It is possible that he'll decide he does want another some years from now, but who really knows. I know a third will be hard, but when I think about whether I want lots of work and kids spaced 2-3 years apart, or 2 kids close in age and a third 5+ years later, but less work.. I'd rather do more work now. I just don't think he's able to look at the big picture. He grew up basically with just his mom, his sister went to college when he was quite young, and his half brother (his dad's son) is just turning 16, so he never really knew either of his siblings. I, on the other hand, grew up with a huge extended family, and want that for my kids. I only have one sister, though, and she's much younger than me, so they won't have lots of cousins their age. So, I want to make sure they have siblings to play with who are close to their age.

How do you handle it when you want more kids, but your husband doesn't? If we won the lottery, I'd have 5 or 6 kids, but I know we'd never be able to afford that. The idea that I may never get to have another a baby is really upsetting me.

[Lynnie]

I'm in the same boat, so I can really emphathise with you. I had terrible pregnancies, am 40, work full time, and am really kinda stressed with just the two beautiful guys that I have, plus, money is definitely an issue, so it makes *logical* sense to stop at 2, but in my heart, far away from the logical part of me saying that it would be crazy, I would really just love to have another.

I get upset sometimes, and we talk and he understands how I feel, but has always been kinda sure in his mind that he only wanted two, and already feels like he has to work alot and misses out on them, and thinks we'd be spread too thin with more than two. I don't really have any advice for you, but if you figure out any magic words to convince him, let me know !