WWYD...bully at playgroup

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[purpleeyes]

Our playgroup had a similar problem recently-hitting, pushing, screaming, etc.. Before it ran its course, each mom dealt with it differently and we never handled it as a 'group', which I think worked out b/c I didn't want to gang up on the mom because she is our friend. As a group, we had been friends and seeing each other multiple times a week since our children had been born! We didn't want to end the friendship or 'kick' her out of the group, but we had to help our children, of course.

A few of the moms decided not to attend playgroup at her house when she hosted, and they just rspv'd no politely. That was how they handled it. That actually made things better, since it was less children at her house, which helped. I still attended, and she made good decisions about removing toys the kids would fight over, etc. Whenever she approached us for suggestions, we openly discussed it with her. I felt better seeing her take steps to fix the situation. She really focused on using signs (this was before our guys could talk) and helping him communicate with his signs instead of physically hitting or pushing. She also got serious about consequences and really watched him for his tired/hungry signs. We considered discussing 'discipline' as a group to decide how to handle stealing toys, pushing, etc. so that everyone was on the same page. For example, if DS stole his friends toy and upset him, I wouldn't have a problem with my friend taking the toy from him and telling him no. If someone didn't like that, we wanted to work out a way that they were comfortable with. We never wound up doing that, b/c the things she did with her son worked.

Also, as a group, we decided to do more things outside for our playgroups (it helped that it was spring/summer)-parks, picnics, petting zoos, farmer's markets, etc. That way we weren't cooped up inside fighting for toys.

I also posted about this when it came to a head! I'll search for the thread and come back to link it if I find it ;)

ETA: added link:
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboar...8128&mode=full

HTH!

Beth

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.