WWYD...bully at playgroup

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[lisams]

Well, I have a few thoughts.

First, I think you were totally in the right to tell the child not to hit your child since the mother wasn't there. If someone shoved you to the ground you'd say the same thing, your DD doesn't have the ability to do so, so it's up to you to be her voice and teach her that she can say "No!" when someone is harming her. It's hard to tell if the mother left because of that or if she was so embarassed and upset with her DD's behavior.

About going to playgroup, we actually took a break for about 6 months from ours because of the exact same reason. One of the oldest girls was being really mean to DD and we left with her in tears more often than not. The break really helped, and by the time we started going again DD was older (and bigger) and I think that helped. For some reason DD was the target of the other girl, and once DD was speaking up for herself (and coming to me when the other girl was being mean) it helped tons. I do keep a very close eye on her when she's around the other girl and have made in clear to Emma that when she starts being mean it's time to walk away and find someone else to play with.

It's tough, I know. I hope things work out for you.

[firstbaby]

we have this situation with another child in our neighborhood. They frequently visit our next door neighbors and the parents very cleary feel that they are there to socialize and not supervise their children (they have told their children in front of everyone that they are not there to play with them but to socialize with the "adults"). The girl for whatever reason has decided to "target" my DS to bully. We've decided to limit interacting with them when they are over because with their DDs behavior and their choice to not watch their child, it makes for a totally unenjoyable and stressful time. The neighbors also believe that these types of "squables" should be left to the kids to be worked out for themselves. Um, let's see how you felt about it if your kids were being picked on.

It is too bad that the child's mother is upset with you and not with her child for the behavior. She certainly isn't doing her daughter any favors by not addressing it. I think playgroup has so much to offer both moms and kids but it doesn't sound like it is giving you a chance to enjoy it with having to patrol this other child's actions as well.

Do you know how the other moms feel about this child? Are you close with the child's mother? I would probably try to address it some way - discussing discipline as a group or directly with the mom to explain that while you are not trying to parent her daughter, you have to be an advocate and protector of your own.

Good luck - keep us posted.

[firstbaby]

we have this situation with another child in our neighborhood. They frequently visit our next door neighbors and the parents very cleary feel that they are there to socialize and not supervise their children (they have told their children in front of everyone that they are not there to play with them but to socialize with the "adults"). The girl for whatever reason has decided to "target" my DS to bully. We've decided to limit interacting with them when they are over because with their DDs behavior and their choice to not watch their child, it makes for a totally unenjoyable and stressful time. The neighbors also believe that these types of "squables" should be left to the kids to be worked out for themselves. Um, let's see how you felt about it if your kids were being picked on.

It is too bad that the child's mother is upset with you and not with her child for the behavior. She certainly isn't doing her daughter any favors by not addressing it. I think playgroup has so much to offer both moms and kids but it doesn't sound like it is giving you a chance to enjoy it with having to patrol this other child's actions as well.

Do you know how the other moms feel about this child? Are you close with the child's mother? I would probably try to address it some way - discussing discipline as a group or directly with the mom to explain that while you are not trying to parent her daughter, you have to be an advocate and protector of your own.

Good luck - keep us posted.

[firstbaby]

we have this situation with another child in our neighborhood. They frequently visit our next door neighbors and the parents very cleary feel that they are there to socialize and not supervise their children (they have told their children in front of everyone that they are not there to play with them but to socialize with the "adults"). The girl for whatever reason has decided to "target" my DS to bully. We've decided to limit interacting with them when they are over because with their DDs behavior and their choice to not watch their child, it makes for a totally unenjoyable and stressful time. The neighbors also believe that these types of "squables" should be left to the kids to be worked out for themselves. Um, let's see how you felt about it if your kids were being picked on.

It is too bad that the child's mother is upset with you and not with her child for the behavior. She certainly isn't doing her daughter any favors by not addressing it. I think playgroup has so much to offer both moms and kids but it doesn't sound like it is giving you a chance to enjoy it with having to patrol this other child's actions as well.

Do you know how the other moms feel about this child? Are you close with the child's mother? I would probably try to address it some way - discussing discipline as a group or directly with the mom to explain that while you are not trying to parent her daughter, you have to be an advocate and protector of your own.

Good luck - keep us posted.