what am i doing!!!!!!!!!!

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[tarabenet]

OK, girlfriend, stop and take a few deep breaths! Seriously, you desrve a little break and it sounds like you are needing to catch up to yourself.

First, "off the deep end" and "midlife crisis" may be stronger than apply to you. More importantly, if you get wrapped up in calling yourself names and throwing insults at yourself, things will go from odd to bad in a hurry.

Definitely sounds like there's a part of yourself you've been trying to squelch, and she's fighting to be heard. At least, I know that is what turns up every time I get into one of those "I need some kind of change, any kind, right now!" kind of cycles. Time to find a way to reconnect with yourself and figure out what is missing in your life. Do you have a really good, wise friend (not a drama queen type for this) you can talk thigns through with? So often, thinking out loud will getcha places you just can't find by yourself. If not, or if even one of these three things gets more accute, get yourself a counselor. Nothing like someone objective to help you crack the code! Your sending yourself warning flares. Take care of them now, because I can guarantee they won't just fade away without major consequences.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stop judging yourself for these things and take them for the clear signals that they are, and you can be on top of the world a lot faster than you would imagine.

Hugs and peace and good vibes to you.

(PS: Doesn't my siggie give you a hint that I have an idea of where you're coming from on this? And I've done 30 and 40 both, and neither one needs to be a crisis!)

[wendmatt]

Deep Breaths. You are strong, you DON'T need a cigarette. That's such a huge achievement giving up, don't go back. Get some nicotine gum or something, I'm not an expert but I know you really shouldn't smoke again.
DH gave up last year and he's lost about 20lbs from eating sensibly and working out, so you don't need the smokes to lose the weight. Sounds like you are working out so that's good, but you REALLY need to eat as well. Eat salad or veggies or grilled chicken anything, but don't starve yourself, you'll get hungry and gorge or you'll just get sick, aside from the fact that your body will start holding onto fat as it thinks t here are no more calories coming.
I really sound like a man trying to solve everything don't I! Sorry, but you sound really desperate and You've come so far.
As for wanting answers from your x, hopefully he'll apologise but if he did things as bad as it sounds like he did, he may just not have a conscience. I don't think it's bad to want answers, but it's kind of strange that you are thinking about it at the same time as everything else that's going on. Have you got anyone to talk to? Is your DH a good listener? Maybe go see the doctor and get some diet advice. Working out is a great start, but don't make yourself sick by not eating.
Sending you big hugs, hope you sort things out in yourself.
DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE!

[wendmatt]

Deep Breaths. You are strong, you DON'T need a cigarette. That's such a huge achievement giving up, don't go back. Get some nicotine gum or something, I'm not an expert but I know you really shouldn't smoke again.
DH gave up last year and he's lost about 20lbs from eating sensibly and working out, so you don't need the smokes to lose the weight. Sounds like you are working out so that's good, but you REALLY need to eat as well. Eat salad or veggies or grilled chicken anything, but don't starve yourself, you'll get hungry and gorge or you'll just get sick, aside from the fact that your body will start holding onto fat as it thinks t here are no more calories coming.
I really sound like a man trying to solve everything don't I! Sorry, but you sound really desperate and You've come so far.
As for wanting answers from your x, hopefully he'll apologise but if he did things as bad as it sounds like he did, he may just not have a conscience. I don't think it's bad to want answers, but it's kind of strange that you are thinking about it at the same time as everything else that's going on. Have you got anyone to talk to? Is your DH a good listener? Maybe go see the doctor and get some diet advice. Working out is a great start, but don't make yourself sick by not eating.
Sending you big hugs, hope you sort things out in yourself.
DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE DON'T SMOKE!