I should have known (long vent about kindergarten admission)

[SnuggleBuggles]

No private schools (not the Parochials) is going to take a summer boy for kindergarten. For some silly reason I thought that I would be the one who got to decide whether to hold ds back one year or go right to kindergarten. But, I guess the decision is out of my hands unless I want to send him to public or Parochial school.

The one admission's director said, "some years your ds would have been a fine fit for our kindergarten program but next year we have an older crowd and he wouldn't be ready." So, I am being penalized because I want to start ds on time and other parents didn't want to do that? Plus, back in January I had a long talk with this admission director and she said that she saw no reason a early summer boy couldn't do kindergarten at her school. She went on to talk about what expectations they had for boys in kindergarten (totally age and developmentally appropriate, btw). I don't know now if she was being honest or was just trying to tell me what I wanted to hear. I understand that each year dif't kids apply and last year he would have been fine and things just shook out this way. But, she seemed to want to deny having that conversation with me in January.

I totally accept that ds has work to do in the social department but they are on going skills that I think he will learn over time. And, heck, last year he had an overnight leap in social development so I know with him that anything can happen. Maybe he isn't going to be ready either and would benefit from more time. If I had a guarantee that that was true it would make this a lot easier! Id just hate to hold him out only to find that it made no difference.

Sorry, it just bugs me that I don't really get to decide what is right for my ds. It's all being done in a committee of people that met with ds for 15 minutes.

I do think we should get to decide this matter for ourselves and I know moms on this board opted to keep their little ones out even though they were technically old enough. I think this is more of a vent about the private school mentality (which I guess I really didn't give much though to before) in that they want such a homogeneous class.

Well, thanks for letting me vent! I now have to decide about pre-k (if I can find a space somewhere) or kindergarten somewhere. Dh knew all along that they weren't going to take him for kindergarten b/c of his b-day...he just didn't share that thought with me till now.

Beth

[o_mom]

Oh, that sucks! I think they should either set a date and stick to it or let you decide. If he does K somewhere else, will they let him into 1st next year or make him repeat it? I had a friend that did a year of Montessori K and then into the public K for her summer birthday boy.

I agree that sooner is better, even though I'm in the minority. I found some interesting research the last time this came up that basically said that holding them back is not good and can cause more problems than it helps.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Do you remember where that research was? I'd be interested in reading it. I have never read anything official, just gotten lots of opinions from ds' teachers, admission people and then decided to go with my gut since no one was unanimous!

I am considering somewhere else for kindergarten and trying to get him into that school for 1st grade but I don't know what they'll decide. Guess they'll make the decision based on another "assessment." I don't have my hopes up that they wouldn't want him to do k again so they keep their kids grouped how they obviously want them.

There are a few preschools that go through kindergarten which we may be able to do then figure out the next year. I just wanted to be done. :(
I really wish that my public school had recess and smaller classes. Sigh.

Thanks for your reply. :)

Beth

[Piglet]

We have a similar situation, but it is provincial government mandated - every school has the same cut-off - exactly 10 days before DS2s birthday. Had he been born 10 days earlier (and his due date was in that window), he could have started K a year earlier OR waited to start the next year. Because he missed the cut-off, he MUST wait the whole extra year. In some ways I am happy that I don't have to make that kind of decision. I have been told by many moms that it is one of the hardest decisions they had to make, because it is so hard to predict how things will go - not just in elementary, but in high school too. You have to think about social aspects of high school (like driver's licenses, curfew, etc.). You have to think not just about whether he is ready for K, but whether he will be picked on when he is older and not as tall as the other boys, for example. You have to think about physical ability, since many boys are "popular" or not based on their sports skills. On the flip side, you have to think about what happens when he is the biggest kid in class - will he be picked on for that?! Lots to think about, let me tell you! In the end, I am okay with the mandated extra year at home, but I really wish he wasn't the oldest OR the youngest in his class.

Sorry to steal your rant... it just hit a raw nerve with me!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Vent away, Marina!! I understand your frustration! In some ways, you are right, it is nice that you didn't have to decide but it sucks that you didn't get to decide that the same time. 10 measley days. Here you can plead your case if they miss the cut off by that much.

I am happy that the cut off here is Sept. 1 and this dc#2 is due at the end of November. I won't have to make this decision and they won't be the oldest or the youngest.

We have had ds be the oldest and the youngest and he does better as the youngest. So annoying that people don't care about the wisdom of parents. Maybe admission directors really are just psychic and can see how the whole thing will play out from an application and a quick observation/ meeting. That's a skill I sure would like to have. (Sorry, I know that sounds bitter to the people that do have to make these choices at private schools. It can't be easy!)

Beth

[lilycat88]

DD is an end of June birthday and I realized 1/2 way through this year that we had pretty much made our decision on how we were going to proceed without realizing it. She is in a daycare/preschool now that starts at age 2 by August 1. Her entire class will move together from "weeschool" to a preschool program for the next 2 years and then to kindergarten in the same facility. All of them will make the move at the same time in August. There are currently 15 kids in her class and only one child is younger than her. With an early August birthday, I was kept back and was always the oldest in the class. DD will be the youngest. Where she is now only goes through kindergarten. We plan on moving her to a private school for 1st grade so we don't know what that will mean.



Jamelin
Mom to Susanna born 6/29/2004

“We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.� --Unknown

[masha12]

I'd be ticked, too. Ask if the school could evaluate him to see if he is ready.

[o_mom]

I wasn't able to find the original article, but I saw a blurb in the USA Weekend Magazine that comes in the Sunday paper.

http://www.usaweekend.com/07_issues/...ml#parentsmart

Basically, they say there is no advantage to holding back and that held back kids actually have more behavior problems.

If you find the original research, please share! I looked at one point but didn't find it and got sidetracked since DS1 has a September birthday and it is beyond even the most generous cutoff around here.

ETA: Now that I looked up the researcher quoted, I found this:

http://www.wcer.wisc.edu/news/coverS...olding_out.php

[SnuggleBuggles]

He went through the evaluation. Academically he did fine (knew shapes, good phonemic awareness and some of the other things they looked for) but he "needs more social maturity." As far as I can tell he acts like every other older 4/ new 5yo boys in his class. No action left there unfortunately...and no space in their pre-kindergarten.

I love ds' preschool and it probably was the right fit. But, I do wish that I had just put him in one of the other schools that went all the way through kindergarten. I just wasn't thinking long term.

Beth

[SnuggleBuggles]

Thank you! I have to run now but I bookmarked those pages to read later!

Beth