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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
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    VA, USA.
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    884

    Default RE: My poor Best Friend...

    I'm often amazed by behavior like this. Hope your BF made it through okay and that you, her other friends, and family gave her the support she needed.

    When I had my DD the first PP nurse I had asked me if I planned to BF, and whether I'd BF my son or not. When I mentioned I'd nursed him for 18 months her immediate comment was "Wow. That's excessive!" I hadn't even been in the room more than 15 minutes when she made that comment. Needless to say she and I didn't hit it off. Luckily she was the only nurse I had a problem with over the 4 days I was there. I made sure the other nurses and the hospital LC all knew my thoughts on that comment, and they all agreed it was inappropriate for her to say.

    If I'd been a first time mom, a comment like that would have been much more traumatic.
    Cathleen
    Mom to DS 8, DD 5 and a Greyhound Princess

  2. #12
    denna's Avatar
    denna is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Feb 2006
    Location
    Central Coast California
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    2,224

    Default RE: My poor Best Friend...

    I feel so bad for your BF. Being a first time mom is hard enough, you dont anyone esp a medical professional telling you, you are doing something wrong. We introduced a paci to DS while in the hospital but the 3rd day of care and nursing. He did fine w/ no nipple confusion. In fact our pro-bf'ing ped just told my good friend at her 2 day post partum wbv that she should give her dd a paci b/c she is nursing too much and gaining too much weight.

    And for the IL's do you have a good relationship w/ her DH that you could talk to him? Maybe just mention that it would be good for his DW to have some alone time with the baby and just some time to relax and be w/o all the family.

    Good luck to your friend. I hope she gets some alone time soon. And Congrats to her and her DH.

    Denna

    Mama to THREE adorable kiddos

    Mommy's KINDERGARTENER DS1 born Apr/2006 happily harnessed in his Frontier
    Mommy's belly baby DD born Jul/2009 content in her Boulevard
    Mommy's little hedgehog DS2 born May/2011; riding unhappily in his Chaperone

  3. #13
    dules Guest

    Default RE: My poor Best Friend...

    So sorry your friend is going through that. I had the opposite experience, the staff gave DD a paci to "let me rest". I was ticked as I had already asked for no paci so I had a little sign put on her bassinet that said Please no paci. And the nurse said to me "Well, it's cruel of you, but you're her mother so....whatever you want."

    Just think, soon she will be out of there and home with her new baby - and will need lots of visits and encouragement then! :)


    Mary

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Long Island, NY
    Posts
    3,734

    Default RE: My poor Best Friend... UPDATE

    My dear friend is now home, and doing well, healing from her C-section and her MIL is (thankfully) letting her get some rest. Seems as though her DH finally put his foot down and got her to back off... for now. :)
    The baby is doing well... WITH a paci happily in tow. :)
    BF made the decision not to bf - her decision, it just wasn't working for her or the baby and she was frustrated and in tears and the poor babe was unhappy as well. She did what was necessary and right for her family, imo. I feel sad for her, though, not because of her decision - I am personally still bf-ing, but I respect her decision. I am sad that she felt she had to ask me not to tell one of her other friends that she "gave up so easily" because this particular friend is of the ilk where if you do something she didn't do (ie. bf until the babe was 14 mos) you are WRONG.
    What is it with people giving this poor girl such a freakin' guilt trip?! She's hormonal and emotional enough right now!!! I feel like I'm crazy for being her maternal mama-bear friend... am I being overly sensitive? I just want her to enjoy her babymoon!
    Liz
    Proud mama to DS1: 2007
    and DS2:2010

    Life is too short to wear boring socks.

  5. #15
    gatorsmom is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    17,878

    Default RE: My poor Best Friend... UPDATE

    I don't think you are being overly sensitive- I think you are being a very good, supportive and VERBAL bf. She needs that. I hate when people make manipulative, underhanded, disguised comments that do nothing but make someone feel bad. There is nothing constructive about comments like that- they are cowardly and negative. Like the pp who said the nurse told her she was being cruel by not allowing pacis- I imagine you would have spoken up for pp right then and there had you been in the room.

    I respect that. People who make comments like that need to be put in their place right away. Let them know right then and there that their comments are harmful (so that hopefully they'll think twice the next time). I think what you are doing is kind and admirable.

    Lisa
    Mom to Gator July 2003
    And Cha-Cha July 2005
    and surprise! twins due 11/07!

  6. #16
    denna's Avatar
    denna is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Feb 2006
    Location
    Central Coast California
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    Default RE: My poor Best Friend... UPDATE

    I dont think you are being oversensitive at *all*. Your friend needs a good friend like you right now. You are being a great friend to her.

    Im glad mom and babe are doing well. Congrats again to your friend and family.
    Denna

    Mama to THREE adorable kiddos

    Mommy's KINDERGARTENER DS1 born Apr/2006 happily harnessed in his Frontier
    Mommy's belly baby DD born Jul/2009 content in her Boulevard
    Mommy's little hedgehog DS2 born May/2011; riding unhappily in his Chaperone

  7. #17
    dules Guest

    Default RE: My poor Best Friend... UPDATE

    You sound like a wonderful friend. She must be so grateful for you being there to support her. I hope she enjoys every minute of her babymoon with no further unwanted interruptions. :)


    Mary

  8. #18
    kijip is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    18,572

    Default RE: My poor Best Friend... UPDATE

    The irony of it all is that the lactation staff, while advocating breastfeeding, were perhaps combative enough to alienate the mother. So she does not get the help she needs to get started with breastfeeding. Since they were combative on one issue, she certainly is not going to turn to one of them for guidance with the bf challenges she faced. They sort of shot themselves or rather their overall goal in the foot, eh?

    I am happy your friend is home and doing better. Kudos to her and to you for standing up for her families' needs.


    ****Rocking out while parenting my smart little munchkin Toby. Just trying to do good in the world, a little at a time. Words to live by: it is *never* the wrong time to do the right thing :)

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