Ok the down and dirty.

[kijip]

Now that I have calmed down about the circumstances that led to my brother and SIL leaving my house last week I will bitch about it and purge it from my mind. Or at least try to purge it. :P

Ok, proving that helping people can bite you in the butt. In addition to their financial problems they apparently have drug and criminal problems that I was unaware of when I opened my home to them- my SIL is on probation in FL. To make a long story short they were escorted from my house by the police after my SIL caused a huge domestic dispute when asked to clean up their room so it did not smell like mildew and then, less than a day later were forced from my mothers apartment by the police. They were so obnoxious and threatening in front of the police that the police encouraged us to secure a protection order against them and told us the motel address they dropped them off at so that we could have them served. Which we did on Friday, so they can't get near us. Avery and his husband had to get one too, as did my parents. They are in a motel, paid for by charity voucher, till their transitional housing spot opens later this week. I feel awful for the kids but when push came to shove, my son and husband and the rest of our family had to come first. Believe me, if I could have helped the kids more I would have. My 12 year old nephew has been flown back to live with relatives in MD and we will still be able to have the same sort of contact and positive influence on him we had on him before. The two little ones are too young for us to have a relationship with without having a relationship with their parents and essentially I hope to never, ever see my brother and SIL again.

On being asked to clean up the moldy smelling room I was informed it was clean enough. Then when I snapped that it was my house so it was going to be cleaned come hell or high water for the safety of my kid and hers, my SIL had the cruelty to lunge at me and yell that at least she could have babies. After 4 mcs, I was a yelling sopping mess at that point and it took all of my will power and my brother's will power to walk away. To which my SILs response was to leave the house and return with the cops claiming I had hit her. Since that was clearly not the case as verified by witnesses, the cops removed them from my house while I loaded my niece, brother and Toby into the car to escape the crazy. I regret yelling at her but I never did anything but yell that afternoon. The cops immediately recognized her for what she was (a lying, dysfunctional, childish person making bizzare accusations) and took me and my family to just not be that kind of crazy.

After they left, we discovered a number of personal papers had been gone though and a number of papers relating to my FILs estate were missing, along with some checks. We have taken care of the accounts but are concerned that since these people are desperate and have our social security numbers (they went through documents containing them), our DOBs and naturally know things like my address and my mother's maiden name. I feel pretty violated as they have let it drop they were all through our room so now have the details of our separation papers, know the contents of our toy drawer (which they are spreading to all my aunts, blush and a half), and presumably have been through journals, love letters and the like. Ew.

I can't understand why they would do this to us other than of course that mean people suck. Further they trashed the carpet in their room in our new house to the point it needs to be replaced and they put a hole in the closet door and made it so the walls need to be painted. And it goes without saying we have to get the locks changed (even though we never gave them a key, my keys have gone missing). Friends are coming over this weekend for painting and reflooring parties. Yay! Should have known better, but kids are kids and we tried to help them because they are parents. Really, this is a fault of mine sometimes and not a positive. No more helping nutcases.

[kozachka]

That sucks and HUGE (((hugs))). I feel pretty violated for you and I have not even been there... Hopefully neither you nor your family would have to ever deal with a nutcase of a SIL.

I'd also notify credit rating agencies in case they try to take out a loan or something in your name.

[elephantmeg]

ugh. I think you can say with a clear consience that you tried your best. Hope your house is all better soon and that your days become calmer!

ETA and her comment about having children was totally unfounded and I wanted to offer (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))) )))) for that. You are 1,00000000X the mom she'll ever be!

[sidmand]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! At least now they're gone and hopefully things will get back to normal quickly.

Debbie

[boolady]

Katie, Sorry for all of this. I hope the police will look into this, but if your SIL is on probation in FL, she was most likely only able to leave FL with the permission of her probation officer, with her probation transferred to your State. This doesn't sound like something she would have necessarily bothered to do, so if you are inclined to, you could look into that. If you'd rather that she stay with her kids, then, of course, ignore what I said. Also, you may not want to go the route of the whole legal mess, but you can have them charged wtih criminal mischief for all of the damage done to your house. Again, given their family situation, you might be inclined to let it go for the sake of their kids. It's just an FYI.

It's such a shame but unfortunately not surprising that people will twist the great intentions and kindness of others. At least you will still have the relationship with your nephew that it sounds like you've worked so hard to foster. Best of luck as you and your family move forward.

[Bean606]

So sorry to hear about you trouble. I hope things calm down for you now that they are gone. But, I agree that calling the credit agencies and your bank re: protecting your identity is a good idea.

[katydid1971]

I know you took them in to help their kids. I am wondering if Child Protective Services should be called. If they are living in unclean, unhealthy living quarters with drug users it might be best if the two young kids are removed from their parents and put into a safer environment. Maybe you or other family members. I would also contact the three credit reporting agencies right away. I have two websites and a phone number I hope you contact TODAY!!!!!! Finally lots of hugs to you. It always feels like the people who make the best parents have the hardest time becoming parents. I have a cousin who is the sweetest, most loving person on earth and she has had a heck of a time getting pregenant. All the shots, failed Invetros, etc. Just because you can get pregnant doesn't make you a good parent, I think your SIL is proof of that. Keep your chin up and know you do the best for your family and that's all you can do.
Hugs,
Sarah


Equifax:
http://www.equifax.com/cs/Satellite?...1%2F5-1_Layout

Experian:
https://www.experian.com/consumer/ca...=SECURITYALERT

TransUnion: 1-800-680-7289

[kellyotn]

Wow! Sorry about all that.

Do CALL THE CREDIT AGENCIES! They will flag your file so NO credit can be issued in your name without the creditor having to take additional steps to verify that it is indeed you.

You won't be able to get instant credit (like store credit cards, on the spot 90 days same as cash, etc) if you're flagged, but that is a small price to pay and much less hassle than fixing things if they do mess with your identity!!

[Melanie]

Wow, that is horrible. Why on Earth would they treat someone who opened their home to them like that? That's just terrible. I'm sorry about the relationship with their kids.

Maybe you could call the credit agencies to have a note put on your accounts that your SS was stolen on such & such date, in case any new accounts are tried to be open for a certain period?

Good Riddance!

[Puddy73]

Wow. I'm so sorry that they took advantage of your kindness and treated you that way.

Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle 9/08/03 & Finn 10/31/05

"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." - Jimmy Buffett