I am SOOOO ANGRY- What would you do?

[gatorsmom]

Ok, I think I've stated here recently how big and obviously pregnant and uncomfortable I am at 30 weeks with my twins. Well, there is a group of people that all live in the same 2 neighborhoods that we are friends with. Once a month at the full moon, we all get together and have what's called a full-moon party. People who come usually make a dish to pass and there is no obligation to come. It's just whoever is in town or doesn't have other plans. But it's a nice way to see people regularly and just keep up with each other.

Well, most of these parties take place on the lake that we all live either near or on. People will drive their pontoon boats to the middle of the lake and tie them together and go from boat to boat visiting. And since I"m so big and pregnant the boats rocking drives me nuts, AND there is no place to pee out there, for the past few months we haven't been going. It's just too uncomfortable out there.

Well, the leader of the group this year is someone I ABHOR. She's basically a 45 year old bully. She sent out an email to everyone saying that for the people who didn't come she was going to toilet paper (tp) their house. This is what she has done to people who wanted to leave early from the last few parties. She threatened that if they left, she'd tp their houses and she did. Well, this time I called and told her that I'm not sure we were going to make it but that we were going to try. But I said if we didn't make it, and she tp'd our house, I"d call the cops. I explained that I'm in no shape to be out cleaning up toilet paper but that we shouldn't be blamed if we didn't make it because it was so uncomfortable for me to be out there. She said, "oh hell, I was never that uncomfortable when I was pregnant. You can make it." To which I replied, "well, you never carried twins." She goes, "nah, that's just a few pounds extra. You can make it."

Well, we did go for a little while tonight but we came home and found the house had been tp's while we were out. DH and I got into a huge argument about it. I wanted to call the cops right then and let them know who did it. He said not to. He fought me hard about it. Unfortunately, the evil lady was at the party the whole time we were there, so she didn't do it. But she had to have put someone up to it. My husband suggested we retaliate. I don't want to retaliate- then she'll get into a back and forth war. That's what she wants- she wants us to try to get her back. So she can try to get us back. I want to call the cops, show them the email, and let her know I wasn't kidding and be done with it. My husband says if I really want to make her mad I should just let it go. He promises to go clean it up in the morning with Gator. I want someone to drag her ass over to our house and make HER clean it up.

Normally, I'd ignore this woman and never speak to her again. HOwever, her daughter, Rachel, is our Friday-night-out babysitter. Her daughter is very sweet and reliable. About a month ago, Rachel was babysitting for us when a severe thunderstorm came through with hail, lightening- the whole bit. We called and told her to take the boys to the basement and we were on the way home. When we got there the boys were safe with her in our basement but she told us her mother had called her (this is the evil bully lady) and told her that she should just come home since our boys were upstairs fast asleep. WHAT THE F***??!! What kind of person would leave a 2 and 4 year old alone in a house when it's thunderstorming?

So, if you've gotten this far, what would you do about the toilet paper situation? It needs to be cleaned up before tomorrow afternoon because it's going to rain. Do I call the cops in the morning? Do I let it go and just have DH and Gator clean it up? Do I send a blanket email to everyone in the group letting them know what she did tonight as well as what she suggested the night of the thunderstorm? What would YOU do?

Lisa
Mom to Gator July 2003
And Cha-Cha July 2005
and surprise! twins due 11/07!

[kijip]

I am just stuck on what kind of person you would have to be in order to be 45 years old and tp-ing houses of people that can't come to or stay at your party. Especially a mother to another, pregnant, mother. That is just freaking weird.

I am sorry you have to deal with her failure to progress past age 15.

****Rocking out while parenting my smart little munchkin Toby. Just trying to do good in the world, a little at a time. Words to live by: it is *never* the wrong time to do the right thing :)

[Melanie]

ITA with your husband, though dumping the remnants on her soggy lawn after they clean it up sounds tempting.

Geez, how old is this woman? 14?

[elliput]

She's a vandal. Call the cops.

ETA- I have had a few minutes to ponder this. Since this woman was at the party the whole time, she must have put someone up to it. Her daughter and her daughter's friends perhaps? Call over to her house. Tell her yours has been TP and since she threatened to do it, ask what she is going to do about it now. The example she is providing for her daughter is appalling, and I would be worried about the apple not falling far from the tree, KWIM?

[SnuggleBuggles]

What in the world is her problem?? Why does anyone put up with her? Personally I would be trying to rally other people in your group to form a new group. Does anyone else dislike her or just you (if they don't then they must be nuts and I'd look for new friends :))? I can not believe that she wanted her daughter to leave the kids alone!

I don't know what you should do. I probably would not call the cops or inform others of what she did. But, what have other people in the group done that have had their home tp'ed? That would be interesting to know. Do they take it all in good fun (I sure wouldn't)?

I think my 1st instinct would be to have dh call her and tell her to get over there and help clean it. Of course, she will say, "I didn't do it." At that point, I don't know what a comeback would be. This just really stinks. :(

If Rachel is so nice and for some reason her mom pressures her not to babysit for you anymore I bet you could get some other names from Rachel. Usually nice, responsible kids have nice, responsible friends. :)

I still can't believe an adult behaves like that.

Beth

[tarabenet]

I wouldn't contact her directly. She will only deny it and refuse to help. She would find great satisfaction, and you will have none. And I really doubt that the cops really care to deal with TP-ing. I would clean it up, or if the upcoming rain is expected to be really really heavy, let that knock the mess down out of the trees and then clean it. I would quietly, laughingly share the news with close friends or those who mention it. Those who realize how immature and mean-spirited she is/was will be on your side. Those whodon't ar probably already her minions and you will never be able to getthem to seehow stupid her Mean Girls nonsense really is.

But just like the Mean Girls in high school, if she knows it gets to you, you knows she has a button to push. If it doesn't seem to affect you, except to make you laugh and give *you* more interesting stories to tell at her parties, then it isn't any fun for her any more and she will aim her stupidity elsewhere. It will take the wind right out of her sails.

Meanwhile, try not to look at the trees. It will only make your blood pressur rise! Hang in there!

[wencit]

>Personally I would be trying to rally other people
>in your group to form a new group. Does anyone else dislike
>her or just you (if they don't then they must be nuts and I'd
>look for new friends :))?

Yes. This. I would not speak to this woman again, nor would I attend any more of her parties. She sounds like she's off her rocker, TPing people's houses for not coming to her party. It's one thing to threaten, but to actually follow through with it?! WTF?! x(

I would also be looking for another Friday night babysitter.

[KBecks]

Never mind the first answer. I'd find a new babysitter and disassociate. Make friends with the people in the group who seem to be nice to you and not childish. Be civil and polite but avoid any childish crap the best you can.

ETA: I hate to "punish" the daughter for her mom's idiocy, but I would feel uncomfortable giving someone I didn't like or trust access to my home and children via her daughter.

[lizajane]

i would send am email to the entire group with your email to/from her quoted. i mean, include the part where she said she would tp your house, and then you said you couldn't come because you are carrying twins, and she told you to come anway or expect TP. then say in the email very politely that, "i have appreciated your friendship and the time we have spent together at our full moon parties. unfortunately, i can no longer be a part of a group that would vandalize someone's home because she cannot stay late at a party while 30 weeks pregnant with twins. clearly, i am no state to climb ladders and remove toilet paper from my yard. i need to find a group that accepts its members limitations and offers to help other famililes in their stressful times, like illness and pregnancy. again, thanks for your friendship and i hope you all continue to enjoy your get togethers without my family."

[DrSally]

That's crazy! I would be so mad too. But, really, with the luxury of being able to take a step back b/c I'm not personally involved, I would do nothing. Don't engage her. She obviously takes these get togethers way too seriously. Just b/c she had an easy pregnancy, doesn't mean everybody does, and she is so ignorant when it comes to what it's like to carry twins. I would try not to let it cause friction btwn you and DH. I would keep the email, maybe even take a digital picture, and if she continues to do it every party, then I may do something. I don't think the cops would do anything. But, you never know, with the email proof, they may stop by and "talk to her". That may be enough to get her to cool her jets. I totally understand how infuriating it is to wake up to that, but generally making a big deal of it causes them to come back and do it again. She is like a 15 year old. I just can't believe she would do this to a pregnant lady with enough on her plate. What if your DH were travelling and you tried to clean it up and fell? If you do call the police, I would use that angle, and the fact that you asked her not to do it. Update us on what you do. Sorry you have to deal with this!

ETA: Oh, and I would tell people in the neighborhood if it comes up casually in conversation. I would think this would be a real damaging thing to her reputation and maybe enough momentum will gather to get a different organizer and get her marginalized.