My four year old is a stubborn,stubborn child

[elaineandmichaelsmommy]

I made tater tot hotdish for dinner tonight and I even let her decide what veg to put in it. All was well in making the dinner,taking it out of the oven and serving it to dh and myself and ds. But when I came time to serve dd-things got fun.
"no,I don't like it. It's yucky,I don't want it. EWWWW!" Keep in mind she hadn't had a taste at all. After I insisted that she have one bite and I fed it to her she spat the food onto her plate. I told her she could eat her dinner or go to bed. So my darling 4 year old went to bed at 6:30 tonight and has been there ever since.
I'm getting soo tired of these control fights when we have something besides Chinese,pizza,spaghetti,chicken nuggets w/ honey mustard sauce. I'm just sick of this . Why can't she just eat what I put in front of her for gods sake,is it really that difficult. She's just as stubborn and mule headed as I was i suppose
I just wish I didn't have to send her to bed without her dinner.

[megs4413]

i totally know where you're coming from....i have no advice! just empathy!

FWIW, an OT that was here for DS said that they could help (her OT company) with "picky eater" issues. i'm gonna look into it. i'll let you know how it comes out.

[kozachka]

(((Hugs))). While my DS would eat pretty much anything I put in front of him, there are so many issues we are butting heads on, so I can totally relate. But than again, both DH and I, especially DH ;) are stubborn people so no wonder DS turned out this way. At least I can be sure that in high school he won't be doing things just to follow the crowd. Or at least so I hope.

And I have no problem sending DS to bed without dinner. I figure that if he is truly hungry, he'll eat.

[maestramommy]

Most of the time Dora is a great eater, but she will occasionally refuse to eat something perfectly good, something that she's eaten before. If she refuses I just give her a choice of eating or going to bed or just that the meal's over. In these instances 1 of two things will happen. Either the meal really ends and we move on, or she will decide to eat it after all. Maybe not the whole thing, but a few bites. Only occasionally will she barely eat even though I'm pretty sure she's hungry.

She *has* gone to bed eating absolutely no dinner before and I don't worry about it. My assumption is that she must not be hungry, which is fine. When she started eating table food I made 2 promises to myself
1) she could eat as much or as little as she wanted at any given meal, and I wouldn't push either way, 2) if she absolutely refused to eat what I prepared, (as long as it wasn't a completely new food) I wasn't going to offer her alternatives. It's worked out well so far. I don't have the energy or time for battles over food, and I refuse to cook separate meals. I do give her nuggets, fish sticks, sandwiches for lunch and occasional dinners, but mostly she gets the same food we eat. She eats at different times which is the only reason she occasionally gets different food.

[jillc]

Hi there,

Fun times. We have similar issues with my 3.5 yr old DD. DH sometimes makes the "eat x bites of this or go to bed now" type threat, and I don't like it either. I definitely think my DD is too young to be sent to bed for the night over this, so instead we have decided that if she won't eat at least some of what we've given her, then she can either 1.) sit quietly at the table with us while we eat, or 2.) go play by herself until we're finished with dinner. She is not the type to want to be left out, so she's been choosing the sit quietly at the table option, and has ended up taking a few bites. Better than nothing.

Just wanted to mention that if you don't want to send DD to bed right away, you don't have to. I guess she still may end up going to bed hungry, but it won't be at 6:30. ;)

HTH a bit.

Best,
Jill

[KrystalS]

I totally know where you're coming from. My DD is 3y8m, she is the pickiest eater. She rarely eats what the rest of the family has for dinner. The list of things she will eat is very slim, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, grilled cheese, spaghetti, chckn noodle soup. Thats basically the only meals she'll eat. She likes fruit and some veggies. But she basically eats the same things over and over again. My family gets on me all the time that I should make her eat what everyone else eats. I'm not going to force her to eat, I know I shouldn't but I usually just fix her something else when I'm making dinner because I know otherwise she just wouldn't eat. She doesn't eat a lot anyway so I want to make sure that I fix something she does like.
I obviously have no advice but I definitely empathize and I also would love advice if anyone has any. I've just come to the realization that she is going through a phase and hopefully she will grow out of it.

[noahsmommy]

Well, my 3.5 yo son barely ate anything as a baby, but now he's pretty wide open about anything except spicy foods. I follow the eat what I cook, b/c I'm not going to make separate meals for you philosophy. My SIL has 3 kids, 8, 11 and 13 and she cook likes 3 different meals for dinner for them! Tenders for this one, plain spaghetti for the others, a "real" meal for her and her husband. It's insane! It's like she's a open buffet. Granted they were nuggets, fries, cheese pizza kids from when they were old enough to start pickin'.

My suggestion to avoid getting into her situation or developing a permanent picky eater are:
- Offer it 100 times a zillion ways over a year, and eventually it'll happen. I think kids go through food jags, which is common.

- Start offering them the same meal as you eat as a family. But start with meals that may have some or similar items they like. If it's nuggets, offer chicken but not in nugget form. Eventually, they'll eat it. Spaghetti, maybe linguini, or fettucini with a different sauce. Either way, don't offer them the "usual" that they demand. If they're truly hungry they'll eat.

- Be flexible. My DS never liked starch or meat between 1 and 2 yo. But I got him to eat udon noodles one day, then he started eating macaroni. He never liked rice till now (and we're Asian for godness sake!), but it has to have loads of roasted seaweed rice seasoning. He was a veggie/fruit lover as a toddler, I think it had to do with his love of colors.

- and I omit heavy snacking after a certain age. Or if DS needs a snack, it's light. I don't give snacks 10:00, so DD, and DS will be hungry enough to eat lunch at 12. I don't give DS an afternoon snack after 3:30pm, b/c I know then he won't eat dinner at 6pm. If he's starving at 4pm b/c he didnt' get snack, then I'll offer a drink, but that's it.

HTH! I work in a daycare, so I've seen it all. All our kids seriously eat well. The parents are always amazed at what their kids will eat in daycare. I think it's b/c they learn that daycare will only offer you certain foods at certain times, so eat up, or you'll get hungry.


Ann

[C99]

> I'm getting soo tired of these control fights when we have
>something besides Chinese,pizza,spaghetti,chicken nuggets w/
>honey mustard sauce.

OMG, you just described MY 4-y/o. "I don't like it. I've never had it!" In that order, and it's not true because we had it last week and he ate it. I read Ellyn Satter's book about it and decided to try some of her suggestions. I serve what I am going to serve and he doesn't have to try it, but he does have to sit with us while we eat. I do try to serve 1-2 things that I know he will eat, even if I just put a stack of sliced bread and butter on the table.

[stefani]

Mine too!

We just got back from Asia, and let's just say that mealtimes over there were frequently stressful. Last year DS was more willing to try and like new foods, but this year, he would judge a food before eating them!
Also, what is this about not liking noodles (he loved them last year, and after all, he is half Asian! LOL).

I am reading Ellyn Satter's book "How to feed your kids... but not too much" now and try to back off on pressuring DS to eat.

Ugh... they'll get better, right?

[maestramommy]

>HTH! I work in a daycare, so I've seen it all. All our kids
>seriously eat well. The parents are always amazed at what
>their kids will eat in daycare. I think it's b/c they learn
>that daycare will only offer you certain foods at certain
>times, so eat up, or you'll get hungry.

ROTFL!