Had my first run in with a mom who thought I was nuts for extended RF

[HIU8]

Ok, maybe I'm spoiled. While my close friends don't believe in extended RF (don't get me started), they have never made an issue of saying that they think I'm nuts (personally, for not extended RF their children, I think they are nuts, but that is another post altogether). Anyway, a mom of one of the children in DS preschool stopped to walk into school with us the other day. She was really surprised to see DS RF (he is 3 and 27 lbs and 36 inches). She started going on about how his little legs must be crushed when he sits and how her DD had to be turned because her DS was already FF. Now, I mind my own business. I don't try to tell people what do unless they ask for advice, help etc... So I was kind of taken back by her going on and on about how it's weird that DS is still RF. DS WILL REMAIN RF UNTIL HE REACHES 33 LBS OR OUTGROWS THE SEAT RF--WHICHEVER COMES FIRST!!

Ok, I feel better now...

Thanks,
Heather
DS 11/27/04
DD 6/9/07

[niccig]

Did you tell her "it's 4 times safer to RF than to FF". That statistic is for kids under 2, so it's probably less for a 3 year old. But when I've said it, people look quite surprised. Many people don't know about the RF vs FF issues.

I hear you about friends. I was putting DS's seat into a friends minivan, and her dd (5 yo) asked why DS was RF. Her mum said it was safer. Then the 5 yo asked why she didn't RF, her mum said she was too old and my DS is younger. The little girl then asked why her sister, who is younger than my DS, doesn't ride RF. I didn't say anything. I just let the 5yo ask why my DS was safer in the car then her sister.

[SnuggleBuggles]

"I'd rather broken legs than a broken neck," might have been my reply. Of course, odds are I wouldn't have thought to say anything at the time. Don't stress...we support you. :)

Beth

[lisams]

When DD was rearfacing at almost 2, I would tell the few people that made comments that there is new research out there and that if they'd like to read it, just let me know and I'd love to share it with them.

It's frustrating having to defend what you know is safer.

[kijip]

I hear ya!

You're right, she is dead wrong. Just tell her to do her research before lecturing you about car seat safety. Won't do any good, but it feels pretty good and is not too rude, considering she is being rude by bringing it up at all. :P

****Rocking out while parenting my smart little 4 year old munchkin Toby.
The butter melts out of habit, you know the toast isn't even warm. -Ani DiFranco

[chlobo]

Yeah, not sure why she thinks its her business.

Personally, I'm always a little shocked that parents think you HAVE to turn your child at a year, as if its some kind of law or that the seat requires it. When I tell people that, no, a year is the minimum, they look at me like I have 5 heads.

[supercalifragilous]

I agree with every PP here - you are TOTALLY in the right!

I got lots of comments about extended RF with DD and I addressed it even if they gave me a weird look questioning me putting her in RF - I'd take that opportunity to say "RFing is safer until the child outgrows the RFing limit" and usually they'd be surprised and ask more questions. If they pushed, I'd direct them to the crash test videos online that show neck excursion for kids RF vs FF.

Besides, it wasn't like DD was complaining about RFing since she didn't know any better. If it's safer and the child doesn't mind (not that it would matter even if she did - safety comes first), what business is it of anybody's?

I'm having the same thing now when people incredulously exclaim, "Your DD is STILL in a carseat? Shouldn't she be in a booster?" at which time I tell them a 5-point harness is safer than a booster and I'll happily have DD in a 5-point harness until she outgrows it, no matter what age. If they push, I'll add, "Oh, didn't you see that famous YouTube video about that boy who was thrown from his car & killed b/c he was in a booster and the car's seatbelt failed?" I know that was an extreme isolated case but it's severe enough where parents start to question their own convenience over their child's safety. I just want them to do more research on the subject for themselves and make an informed decision instead of blindly following what they hear.

It boggles my mind that moms are all hyped up about a MRSA outbreak and are just now diligently making sure their kids wash their hands and they don't give a second thought about keeping their kids safe in the car. Uh... I think you spend more time on the road than coming across opportunities for exposure to MRSA...

If people tend to be rude, I just and sum it up with "I personally can't put my convenience over my child's safety as I cannot control what other idiots do on the road. After an accident, it's really too late to say your should've-could've-would'ves and I'd know that I had her in the safest situation possible." and leave it at that.

ETA: I'm known as the "carseat nazi" around here but I've realized that many parents just don't know that they have an extended RF or 5-point harness option. It's a happy day for me when they "cross over to the other side" for their DC's safety! Before I get flamed, I am very sensitive to people not being able to afford another carseat, but really, can you put a price on your child's safety?

[punkrockmama]

>
>ETA: I'm known as the "carseat nazi" around here

You know, you shouldn't call yourself that. It's not being fair to you. Nazis were terrible people who did horrible things to innocents.

You are simply a woman and a mother who is a passionate advocate for carseat safety. :) And that's pretty awesome!!

[mom2binsd]

I prefer carseat freak-not as negative as nazi -now I'm thinking carseat guru is even better....that aside...DD is 4 1/2 and in her MA (was RF until she was 3 1/2 and DS is 20 months and RF in his MA), I think every other child in her preschool class is in a booster, most of them backless.....I cringe when I see the parents drive away even before the child is buckled up...I've just come to the point where I don't even look into cars in parking lots and just stay quiet unless I'm asked a specific question...one of my friends said regarding booster use...you gotta let them grow up sometime....I've rubbed off onto DD, she is always curious about what other kids carseats look like, she recently got a new cover (Ashley floral) and loves it and often asks about other kids boosters and why they look funny and don't have buckles like hers but has never complained about her seat. Just know we are doing everything we can to keep our most precious cargo safe!

[KAK22]

I am having the same problem, but with close friends that I work with.

I have shown them the crash test videos, told them WHY it is important to RF to the limits of the seat, etc, yet all 3 turned their DDs. One was for convenience, one was because her DD was "battling" getting into the seat, and the other is because they couldn't see her. Um - my convenience doesn't matter when it comes to my child's safety, discipline your child (they don't in any way) and I'd much rather not see my child in the car, then have to see her be put in a coffin in the ground.